The Realism is...

2011-09-22T15:35:00.002-05:00

I was holding out hope for Mr. Davis. Alas, it was to no avail. For a moment, I allowed myself to believe that there was a possibility that the Supreme Court would at least stop the execution until we could reexamine the witnesses who have since recanted their original testimonies. Nevertheless, it was not to be. At one point in my life, I was all for the death penalty. What i realize now is that it's all or nothing. Because of cases like this, I have to now confess that I am against the death penalty. This cannot continue. We have to stop this. I will confess though, that I didn't speak to a senator or DA or anyone else. I called, but didn't get an answer. We cannot afford to go back to business as usual. Let me add this...I don't know what happened because I wasn't there. But because of the doubt and supposition, that, in my opinion, is at least enough to have stopped the execution. I wonder if the Supreme Court is going to or already has published a reason for denying Davis another appeal. I'd like to read it if so.

बौगिए

2011-07-30T12:34:00.002-06:00

So I was thinking about the term bougie. I did a couple searches on the net to see what others had to say. I was inspired to develop my own list to tell if you are bougie. By the way, the items listed on here are my intellectual property and are not to be reproduced without the expressed written consent of blog owner.

You might be bougie if

1. People always make reference to your bouginess. Everybody ain't wrong. Accept it. If you are always justifying or explaining why you're not, chances are you are only further confirming the assertion. After all, being bougie is something that others are supposed to know and recognize about you, but that should never be spoken of. Bougie people like to feign modesty.

2. Every time you go to a restaurant you think of something to let the people around you know that you are up on what's happening. For example, you request shelled eggs at IHOP because you don't want the powdered version. Or you request a cup of hot water in which to soak your silverware to kill germs.

3. You would absolutely never consider parking your vehicle any where that offers valet. As a matter of fact, you probably choose to go to clubs/lounges/restaurants/malls that offer valet over the others. You probably disguise this by letting everyone know that you prefer the crowd/bartender/menu/stores at this particular location when the truth is your bougie azz just wants to valet. Especially if you are parking any of the flagship vehicles of the black bourgeoisie (benz, bmw, lexus)

4. Speaking of cars....you might be bougie if every time you rent a vehicle you scoff when the Hertz representative offers you a Camry and ask, "Do you have anything European?"

5. Even if you don't shop at the bougie stores (stop acting like you don't know which ones...Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, stuff like that) you only purchase fresh vegetables and have a healthy disdain for anything processed or that has been loaded with preservatives.

6. You can't remember the last time you actually physically washed your own car. Or your idea of cleaning is calling Merry Maids.

7. You have something that you don't eat any more or you boycott certain stores because of your political awareness.

8. You use your passport for identification. Like your license isn't good enough.

9. You wouldn't consider driving anywhere that will take longer than 3 hours in a car. You fly so frequently that you have it down to a science exactly what time you need to arrive to still make the flight.

10. You own at least 3 articles of clothing that have been purchased from a vintage clothing shop. One of the hallmarks of being bougie is longing for the simpler times--relishing the classics of the days gone by.

So...that's my first attempt at a list of something like this. Maybe I'll try another topic soon.

Take care.

Timeliness is Next to Respectfulness

2011-07-10T13:17:00.003-06:00

I think a person's word is their bond. I'm a lil old school so I expect you to do what you say you are going to do. In the event that you cannot do what you say you are going to do, then there should be a way to communicate that such that I do not feel that you are not trustworthy. One thing is for certain, if you don't do what you say you are going to do, then I am going to begin to distrust you. The way that I process things are pretty simple. Yes or no. Today or tomorrow. I am or I am not.

I dislike when people are late. I strive to be on time. In the event that I am not going to make it at the agreed upon time (an infrequent occurrence) then I will extend to you a courtesy call to let you know what's going on and I'll be sure to include an updated ETA. To me, when you are late to something that you have agreed to attend at a predetermined time, then you are showing a lack of respect for the person or entity to whom you have committed. Some would argue that it's not that serious. I vehemently disagree. I cannot piecemill the areas with which I trust a person. I have to trust you implicitly or not trust you at all. I do not have room for a lot of gray areas.

Quick story. A few friends and I decided to go to King's Dominion last month. I told everyone to be at my place before 11 am so that we could leave. I call two of my people to see where they were. The response is, "I'm bout to leave my house in about 5 minutes." When people tell me things that do not make any sense to me I'm often left in a stunned silence as I try to make sense of what I've just heard. I'm thinking come again. How can you be about to leave your house in five minutes when the time is already 10:57? Your answer should have been something along the lines of, "I'm turning into your complex right now" or "I'm parking outside. I'll be up in 30 seconds." I told Ty (who was bringing Mike) to hurry up.

Fast forward to 11:30 am and still not Ty and Mike. I mean, who does that? Tonya and I left and headed on to the park. I sent a text to let them know that I had to roll out. I an apologetic text, a text saying have fun and then a phone call. I couldn't speak to Ty at the time because I was talking to someone about logistics for the park, but I did accept the call and say that we'd speak later. I guess I took too long to get back to him...(did anyone miss the part when I said I'm on the way to King's Dominion? Like I'm riding rides and stuff....I don't really have time to discuss your lack of respect or your tardiness)...I get an angry text asserting that I only left to impress Tonya and blah blah blah. Well, nothing could be further from the truth and the angry text isn't the subject of this post, neither is the assertion contained therein because people who know me well know how strongly I feel about people being prompt and timely. I mean, do what you say you are going to do. I manage to make it to places on time. It's not like I get helicoptered in. I plan ahead. Traffic? Leave 15 minutes earlier. You have to start from the time you are supposed to arrive at a place and plan backwards taking into account all of the tasks you must complete in order to arrive.

So here's the question. Do you agree that being late to an event that you have agreed to be on time to can be equated to a lack or respect?

Mind you I sent him a text around 9 am that morning and he assured me that he would be on time.

About the title...remember the saying that cleanliness is next to Godliness? Well, I'm throwing my own spin in the mix.

Hot times

2011-02-26T13:24:00.001-05:00

My first thought is if the title is going to turn to Arabic.

Just dropping a line since I'm under the dryer. Quick story. My boss wanted me to secure the building last week. He showed me which secret room to enter that controlled the lights and whatnot. He let me on and propped the door. He also showed me how he wanted me to lock the front. Little does he know that the secret room isn't so secret. I've been in there before because I have a master key. That's the point of this quick story. He has no idea that my key gives me access to so much on the building.

On another note I did a case search. I wanted to find out some information about someone that I heard. My, the power of a case search.

वास्सुप

2011-01-29T09:11:00.002-05:00

So this will be a collection of random thoughts.

1. So I'm not sure why I didn't notice it when it was on, but The Nanny is actually kinda entertaining. Each Saturday morning I watch the reruns on TVLand. That's my routine until I feel like getting up and starting my day.

2. I'm so surprised that we missed a day of work on Thursday and had a 2 hour delay on Friday. This new interim chancellor (assuming she's the one making the decisions) is growing on me. She's a sister so she understands how we folks feel about the weather.

3. Somebody told me that they believe that my supervisor is highly functioning autistic. He taps when he's annoyed and scratches sometimes when responding to questions. I have GOT to look up the criteria for what that looks like. I laughed, but it's really not a laughing matter.

4. I wish I could've made it home for mama's birthday. At least one brother and my sister could make it.

5. All of my siblings have married and are divorced or in the process. I wouldn't take nothing for my journey right now.

6. So yeah, I didn't fully understand what all those old sayings meant when I was a child, but now I am at a place where they are fitting language to sum up what I feel.

7. Please quit advising me to buy. I appreciate the intent, but I am well capable of making informed decisions on my own. When I need your advice, I'll ask.

8. I just noticed that the title changed to arabic again. Wth?!

9. Maybe we can do a party for mom early march. Yeah, I think she'd like that.

10. I can't wait to get this tethering working on my phone so I can call Comcast and let them know to reduce my high a-- bill. Reason number 3518 I love my Evo.

11. I've offered to teach you how to fish. No, you can't have my flounder. We're going to show you how to raise your own.

12. What made people think I would fall out with my brother over a vehicle? Accidents happen. That's what we have insurance for. If I didn't understand the inherent risks, I would not have authorized him to use my vehicle.

13. So how long has it be suspended? Over 7 months? Wow. Thank God I haven't gotten stopped. Well...except that one time down town when the cop told me to move and I told him no. Then he said it again and I leaned out the window to say no again. Indignant, he flipped on those lights, backed up behind me and approached me at the window? I guess he though my answer was going to change. Luckily my boy got to the car so we could leave. I probably should've just moved. That could've been catastrophic. I do not want to go back to jail.

14. I prolly won't post any labels because it'll turn to arabic too.

15. Why is it that the people who claim they don't do drama are the biggest drama queens and kings? Sorta like how people say, "I don't wanna get in your business but...", and then promptly proceed to pry.

16. He could've let me drown...but instead He took me in.

17. The people who don't make decisions are the ones who think I can do it. I need the people who sign checks to take notice.

18. Grown people can have fun at Chuck E. Cheese. I'm just sayin'.

19. I'm too old to be scared to pause and be at a loss for words when she walks my way. Wth.

20. I'll say something the next time.

21. Did anyone see Due Date? Little Fockers?

22. Gotta remind mama to send my stuff from Christmas. Like...I don't want winter to be over before I get the sweater.

23. I'm hungry like shyt (in my DC voice). I'm so proud of my ability to assimilate.

24. Lemme get something to eat. Gotta get ready after while.

इ अल्रेअद्य लूकेद अत माय फोरेहेअद एंड आईटी दोएसं'टी हवे सुक्कर व्रित्तें ओं आईटी

2011-01-16T07:49:00.005-05:00

why did the title turn to Arabic characters? Gotta holla at blogger. The title is: I Already Looked At My Forehead and It Doesn't Have Sucker Written On It

So I have a friend named Jerry. Let me give you a lil background on Jerry. Jerry is the type of dude who has a heart of gold but makes decisions that aren't in his best interest. I guess basically he's still not mature and handling this being grown thing all that well yet. To help contextualize my questioning of his decision-making ability, I'll provide a couple examples. One time, instead of paying his rent, he decided to take his money and rent out a club to throw himself a birthday party. He bought himself a new suit and was buying drinks for people too. I didn't attend the event because I was like um, Jerry, this is stupid. Just get some people to meet you at the club. You can still buy drinks and have a good time. Why waste your check on renting the space. Well anyway, soon after this he lost his apartment, in part because he was unable to make up the money to get himself back on track. You think my assessment was still a lil hasty? Ok...try this one. So he had a good 9 - 5 making decent money. He decided he didn't like that job any more and decided to quit. He quit and began looking for another gig. (Already you should see one of the irresponsible things he did). He found another job relatively quickly so things seemed to settle down for him a bit then. During this time he also moved into a room in a woman's home. He and this woman are COMPLETE opposites. He's a young black dude full of energy and she's a older while lady who's very comfortable with her consistent routines. At this other job he began to get into it with his supervisor about his performance or lack thereof and his attitude. I'll fast forward to the pink slip. Then he got on unemployment.

All the while he's on unemployment he's struggling to pay 700 per month to his landlord. No reason, in my view, that he should have been struggling. The 700 covered rent and utilities. The only other bills he would've had to contend with are cell phone and food. I should not that he was receiving in excess of 1800 per month in unemployment.

By now I hope I have justified my opinion. I could give you more but I think those examples are sufficient. So yeah, before Christmas he called me while I was in Target to ask me if I could loan him some money to go home for Christmas. I told him no. I did tell him though that if he needed a ride from the bus station once he returned to DC he could ask me. On a whim I decided to hit him up earlier this week just to check to see that he returned safely and whatnot. Mind you the call in Target was so random because I had stopped accepting his calls and would not communicate with him for about 4-5 months. There is only so much Jerry I can stand. Like the reason I keep him around is because I absolutely do not understand his logic and it is fascinating to me sometimes to hear his absurd stories and listen to his antics. On this call he tells me that he's still looking for a job, his unemployment is running out, (Wasn't is extended like 3 times), he hasn't had a haircut in several months, he's personal training now and one of his clients paid for his LSAT test.

See how much that was? And that's the abridged version. Take a second and re-read all his claims. Okay now, let's move on. So somewhere in there he slipped in that he needed 20 to get a haircut. I was feeling a lil bad for him so I said that I could spare it. My thinking skills didn't kick in until we had disconnected the call. He's what came to mind. If you just went home for 2 weeks, why didn't you get a haircut then? I'm sure mama, sister, brother, cousin or step-half uncle would've seen to it that you got a haircut, given your situation. Secondly, if you're personal training people, I don't think I'd let you train me looking crazy if you haven't had a cut in months. And if you are training people then why wouldn't you take some of those ends and get a haircut? Another thought, if you had to borrow money from people (another mutual friend) to get home, why didn't you just stay here and get a haircut and realize that going home is a luxury that you cannot afford at this time? I guess that would've been too adult.

I decided to not give him the money for the aforementioned reasons. Thoughts?

Qik - for the blog by Jay Bee

2010-12-28T14:38:00.001-05:00

So...

2010-12-28T14:27:00.001-05:00

I think i'll use qik for videos. For some reason the app won't let me upload photos either. I'll work around it til I find another app that'll let me do it all. Suggestions?

Testing this out...

2010-12-28T14:17:00.003-05:00

Ok so I downloaded an app to my evo...can't seem to upload a video so Imma start small with this quick post. Hopefully I can get it working.

What's That Thing Called?

2010-12-28T09:20:00.003-05:00

You know that thing that people used to have on old shows that was kinda wrinkled on the sides like an accordion, but that you held with two hands to suck in and blow out air to fan flame to kinda give a lil jolt to the fire? Well yeah...that thingy...whatever it's called...that's what I'm doing now. I'm tryna revive this thing. Maybe I should change the background or something...maybe that'll help. I think I'll try that after I'm finished typing this.

So back in October I took my mom to the Bahamas as an early Christmas present. She's never been and neither had I. As a matter of fact I didn't even own a passport. The whole thing was a big deal. For weeks we talked on the phone making all of our preparations. By the way, I added her to my cell phone account and she has learned how to use her phone pretty well. At age 59, soon to be 60 January 28, 2011, she is texting messages and pictures. I even caught her watching tv on her phone. When we spoke the other day she mentioned that she forgot her password to Facebook. I was thinking to myself, "Since when did you get a Facebook account? You not 21 lady." I digress.

So yeah, we made our plans and whatnot and took a ship over to Grand Bahama to stay for a few nights. The ride over was absolutely dreadful. We had been warned though. The people said the seas were very rough and asked if we still intended to travel. I saw others still getting on the boat (well walking through the inside of the terminal thingy) so I assumed if they weren't deterred, why should I be? I had never been on a cruise ship. Both she and I got soooo sick. She was worse off than I. We both decided to try to go to sleep just to get through it. I was so relieved to be on solid ground again. Whew! It was so bad that my first thought once we had docked was that I could not take the boat back to Florida. I was going to have to secure flights for both of us. Fortunately, the ride back was pleasant. So smooth. I knew what I experienced on the ride over had to be the exception, otherwise I can't imagine why people would be traveling this way.

The trip was relaxing and cool. We shopped, ate, hit the beach, did some tours and frolicked with the locals. She was very appreciative and when we parted she of course asked the obligatory question about interacting with him*. I told her that I cannot make her any promises but I'll do what I can. By the way, I got another lead on AARP. I heard that they will write a policy on someone pretty much regardless of their health condition. If there is anyone out there reading this...do you know of any life insurance companies that will write policies on people regardless of their health? I need to know most expediently.

*************************************** One more post to go til I get to post 100. Go Jay...go Bee...go go go Jay Bee.

Chia Pet

2010-12-25T20:29:00.005-05:00

Does anyone else find the Obama chia pet thing offensive? Like I lightweight feel like the company is tryna be funny. I mean, I know they have George Washington and Abraham Lincoln up there too, but I still feel like the main goal was to make a caricature of our first black president. It feels akin to sambo or blackface. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Any thoughts?

So....

2009-07-22T10:25:00.007-06:00

So I've been busy and whatnot. Not making excuses, but I'm just saying. I've been reading blogs all morning and have a renewed sense of purpose about sharing with my long lost blog buddies. I'm sure nobody is gonna stop by to really read since I kinda fell off the map for several months, but I promise I'll do what I can to get back on your blogrolls and to become a part of your regular blog reading rotations. Okay, enough of that.

So since during the summer months I have a more relaxed schedule, I am able to go in for a few hours a day if I feel like it or when I'm called. I love everything about being on your own schedule. Right now we're in the midst of a transition on my job. Much to my chagrin, we're moving forward with new leadership for this upcoming school year. This puts me in quite a precarious position. Here's why. Whenever there's a change in leadership, often the entire leadership team and persons who were loyal to the vision of the leadership or in support of the same are slowly moved out. I don't necessarily anticipate that this will be my fate, but I'd be foolish to think that it is not at least a possibility. In addition, the people who have wanted to 'get at me' because they were jealous of the relationship I had with my former supervisor now probably feel that it's their time to come up in the world. Those who know me well know that I am not intimidated by this. I can hold my own. Again, I'd be foolish, however, to pretend that this is not a real possibility and would be even more foolish to believe that it isn't likely that some people might attempt to capitalize on this and attempt to throw me under the bus. These feelings have been undergirded by the reports I've received from persons informing me that people are indeed beginning to run off at the mouth. Not to worry. These are the people who will feel the cold steel of stricter observations and increased visibility for their many shortcomings. If we gon do whatever, then we need to be prepared to have whatever done back to us. It's not right, but it's okay. (Somebody stop me.)

So in the very near future I will be making a voyage to Savannah, Georgia, to put right what for years has been so tragically wrong. I don't like nothing (a purposeful double negative) about what's going on at home. After having lost two limbs, sight, functioning kidneys, and in the absence of a heart that is functioning in the way that God originally ordained, him* is still acting a fool. Unreal. Be having my moma up at all hours of the night looking up stuff online and reading him* the Bible. I cannot for the life of me figure out why she won't just shut that B.S. down. People who don't have legs, eyes, kidneys, and only have perfunctory hearts, DO NOT MAKE DECISIONS. Since everyone at home doesn't seem to know this, it is encumbered upon me to be the voice of reason to bring this message to the forefront so that everyone will be aware. In many ways I feel like a savior with a message of deliverance. It's my job to set the captives free! So did I also mention that the church voted him* out? Him* still feels like him* needs to be preaching so him* coerces my sister into updating his resume and mailing it out to various churches in the area, begging for preaching engagements so that him* can take his tainted message of the road. UN-FUCKING-REAL! It absolutely unnerves me that this foolishness is going on. I cannot take those people. And they wonder why I don't go home. I simply cannot get with that ridiculousness. Who does that? So now churches now have to add to their list of requirements:

Of good report
Faithful and diligent
People person
Walking
Seeing
Able to effectively exegete a text
A visionary

Sounds absurd right? Yeah, so is thinking that someone who is unable to walk and see and is generally in poor health is ready or fit to be a pastor of a church.

So I've been actively seeking high risk insurance on him*. I found a company. At this point I've given them all of the required information and am just waiting on them to get back with me on the terms. Basically, if they write me the policy, I'm sitting on a lottery ticket.

So this is random, but let's see, so far we've covered job and family stuff. I woke up this morning with an insatiable desire for some french toast. I made some but then got even a lil more inventive. I decided to try to make a smoothie of sorts to go with my french toast and bacon. I used cantaloupe, kiwi, grapes, milk and a little orange juice. It was almost terrible, but nevertheless I didn't want to waste food so I drank it anyway. I included a pic. Doesn't it just look aweful?

So I thought I'd add....
I laid my brother's soul to rest in the Popeye's parking lot. He play too much and he play with grown folks.

I went to bingo the other day and had a blast. I've gotta get back on my bingo grind.

Been hanging out in DC a little more now. The city really has grown on me.

There was something else I was about to write about but it just slipped my mind. I hate when that happens.

Take care....I'll update soon.

Achoo!

2009-03-26T10:47:00.005-06:00

I'm sitting here sniffing, sneezing and wiping my eyes. I seem to have come down with a lil sumptin'. Yesterday I woke with a swollen throat and itchy eyes. I wrote it off to allergies, even though I've never really had allergy issues. I rationalized that maybe I had developed something since the relocation. Imagine my dismay when I awoke this morning with the runny nose and coughing and sneezing. I'm guessing I've run up on an old fashioned cold. It'll be fine as soon as it runs its course.

Earlier this week---Tuesday--I went to have some blood work done for my physical on Friday. I checked out my test results online. I don't know what the acronyms mean but I could tell things are looking good because in one column they'd list stuff like >40 and my actual reading was 42. Or if it said a normal reading is <140 mine would be 120. So like I said, I'm on the right side of all the stuff for which they examined my blood. I know one of them had something to do with cholesterol.

While I was there I decided to pick up the STD results I had done last month. I ended up going to the doctor because I had a swollen lymph node in my groin on the right side. I was bathing one day and ran across a lil lump. My first instinct was to check the other side of my groin to see if I had a matching lump on that side. I did not. I instantly had a Highlights moment (remember that magazine?). I knew this didn't belong in the picture. I made an appointment to go find out what was up.

The doctor told me it was a swollen lymph node caused by a bacterial infection. He let me know that it was not uncommon. My major concern was to make sure that it wasn't cancerous or a cyst or something like that. He gave me some amoxicillin and said it should be fine in a few days. I half took the prescription that was supposed to last me 10 days. I was supposed to take 2 pills per day 12 hours apart but ended up taking pills when I remembered. I still have probably 10 pills in the container and started the prescription February 18, 2009. Yeah, so as you can see, I didn't exactly follow doctor's orders, but fortunately I'm fine.

Because of the nature and location of my health concern, the doctor recommended a full STD screening. I agreed and gave them all the blood and urine that they needed. So fast forward to Tuesday of this week. After I gave blood for my physical I went up to medial records to get the results from the previous month's screening. I was a little nervous. You know how in those moments before you review the documents you have that silent time to replay the tape? You start thinking about everything that you've done and all the what ifs. Anywho, everything checked out fine. No herpes, syphilis, HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, etc. I was relieved.

Good health. You are why I find pleasure in the simple things in life.

As Promised, Christmas Story

2009-03-23T08:37:00.007-06:00

Three blogs ago I said I'd tell you all what happened when I went home for Christmas. Being a man of my word, I'll do just that. So we typically always meet up for Christmas at either my mom's place, my deceased grandmother's place or one of the aunts' places. Christmas 2008 was held at an aunt's place in Albany, Georgia. This place is about 4 hours from where my mom stays in Georgia so it didn't make a whole lot of sense for me to fly to my mom and then ride down to Albany an additional 4 hours. I decided to fly to Atlanta and drive to Albany from there--about 2.5 hours. A direct flight to Albany would have probably cost me about $150 more. I have family in the A, so it was not problem for me to hop a ride with one of the cousins.

Anyway I arrived in Albany on Christmas morning. My mom and him arrived maybe around 1:00 p.m. When they came in the house I greeted everyone in their party. Three uncles and him accompanied my mom. All though I spoke to him grudgingly, I did at least acknowledge his presence. It was all I could do to muster that up. Him's hearing is going bad in addition to the myriad of other health related, evilness induced challenges he has. As a reminder, ever the consummate teacher, let's have a quick review. Double amputations in both legs, kidney failure, on dialysis, legally blind and I think one or two fingers are missing too. Anyway, he apparently didn't hear me. Not my issue.

We ate and opened presents. The tradition is that we all sit around and read off each name and ooh and aah over every single gift. It usually takes 3 - 4 hours but it's time well spent. I heard him ask my mom if she checked on 'that situation' they discussed. Let me bring you up to speed. JayBee = 'that situation'. So anyway, him told her she didn't have to say anything, just be observant. I figured that their conversation centered around me not speaking to him and how he felt about it. Clearly I don't give a sh@t about how him feels about anything so I made no moves to make him feel any differently.

**********************************************************************
(time elapse, you know like how they do in books)

So when it was about time for them to leave, my mom asked me if I spoke to him. I told her that I did. Ever trying to be the mediator she asked if he heard me. Of course I told her that I couldn't speak for him and wouldn't attempt to do so. She requested that I tell him goodbye before they pulled off to go back to my grandmother's. I was lying down when we had this conversation. I remarked that she could just leave and go back and pretend that I was asleep because if I were asleep I wouldn't be expected to wake up and give a benediction over the day. Of course I can't really say no to mama so I complied, but not without trying to help her understand more about how I feel.

I let her know that him has no right to make a big deal out of me not speaking to him. I never do. Why would him's expectation be that today would be any different? Him's issue with me not speaking to him is 'how it looks to the [extended] family.' That's just the bullshit I'm talkin' about. Everyone else is fully aware of how I feel. This imaginary audience for whom we're supposed to be performing DOES NOT EXIST. It is this fakeness that I rebelled against as a child and I'll not continue to participate in it as an adult. Moreover, with him acting like I'm such a disrespectful muthafucka of a son, it allows him to play the victim. As if someone drug him through years of a horrible existence and not the other way around. Unacceptable.

She understood that. I didn't use any profanity, but she clearly understood what I was saying. It seemed to be a turning point in our relationship because I had began to withdraw from her because she continued to try to push me to engage with someone with whom I didn't desire. She doesn't push it anymore and hasn't since that date. Three months strong. Not a single mention of 'talking to your father' or any of its derivatives.

Peace of mind. You are why I find pleasure in the simple things in life.

Calling You to Enter the 21st Century

2009-03-19T12:38:00.005-06:00

I finally got a new cell phone. I owned the Treo 700wx with Windows mobile for years. I liked it and all but there were some problems. For one, I couldn't send pics or video via text message. I couldn't talk on the phone and be on the Internet at the same time. I didn't have a way to permanently record my contacts. With the advent of the Treo Pro all of those issues and more have been corrected.

I dropped the old phone (700wx) in water Sunday after I got back from the liquor store. (I did go to church but ended up drinking with some peeps.) I sprang into action to pull it out of the water quickly, removed the battery, shook out excess water and let it dry out. It started working again Monday morning and held out all the way until I left lunch around 2:20 p.m. Wednesday afternoon. Once it had it's final hurrah, I rushed to the Sprint store to see what I could get and decided on the aforementioned.

It feels good to have a phone with all the neat stuff. Pictures by text message. So common for many, yet never before a reality for me.

You are why I find pleasure in the simple things in life. Truly He is the center of my joy.

A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

2009-03-08T13:43:00.004-05:00

And nothing beats a picture but a video. I should have put on some chapstick before I recorded this.....too late now.

Who Let the Air Out?

2009-01-17T15:37:00.006-05:00

Whoop whoop whoop whoop. Do you remember the song to which I am alluding? It was kinda catchy after a while even if you aren't into that sort of music. Anyway, I've been away for a while just living life and doing me. Nothing really serious but I was cultivating me so that I can be the best JayBee possible. I had to identify some goals and benchmarks to chart my progress toward what I wish to have and be. Not gonna go into detail about it in this post, but that information is more likely than not forthcoming.

So, as we are all critically aware, it is the weekend prior to arguably the most significant political event in the last forty years. I was giddy the first time I heard someone say, "Happy Inauguration Weekend." In the past I don't remember anyone referring to this time as Inauguration Weekend. To begin celebrating the festivities many people are partying all weekend. How marrying the union of the African American experience and the American experience equates to drunken revelry is beyond me, but whatever. I like a lil party e'er' now and again myself.

In true JayBee fashion, there was in fact another celebrity sighting last night at Love. That's right folks. You guessed it. JayBee was all up and through there! Love is a popular club in DC. Lots of people. Tigger showed up and Jay Z took the stage as well. Jay Z (not Bee) didn't do much more than bob his head and drink from a flute, but he had his face in the place. More beautiful and shapely women than you can count and most people appeared to be having a good time. I smirk every time I see someone on the dance floor moving through the throng carrying a bottle of Moet or some other pricey libations. Before you even start, I ain't hatin' on nobody. I could purchase a bottle of Mo' but I know better. First of all, I don't even like champagne that much and even if I did, I just am not in a position to indiscriminately make ridiculous purchases. We all know that holding that bottle of Moet is supposed to send a message about your status. I'm gon shut it down with two questions for all the people I saw last night toting the bottles and bouncing and snaking through the crowd. By the way, of course they always hold it so as to draw some attention. I can't really describe it, but if you've been to a party and witnessed this you know what I'm talking about. Ready for the questions? Good. Here goes: What's your credit score and who's your primary care physician? If you aren't in at least the 700s for the first one and are not able to state the name and location of the second you have no business holding a bottle of anything. Unless it's a bottle of common sense.

I just needed to get that out. That's not the point of this entry.

So before I went in the party I was arguing with this ~~crackhead~~ guy who was doing parking. I told him I was not paying $5.00 to park on a city street. In my mind (Ieisha, you should be able to clear this up) he can't charge money to park on a city street. After I refused to pay the fee and parked anyway because it's a public street, he tried to sell me a card for $5.00 to get in the cut line. I told him that I didn't need it because I know someone who works there so I don't wait in line anyway. Once we left the club around 3:15ish and walked back to the car I noticed that my right back tire was flat. Mind you my tires are less than 1 year old and have plenty of tread on them. I don't think I ran over anything. My supposition is that ole crackhead with the stolen orange vest punctured my tire. Imagine my dismay when I walked out and it was nine degrees and 3:24 by the time we got to the car.

I'm back. I gotta share what happened at Christmas when I went back to Georgia. I hope every one's holidays went well and that people are at least doing something to mark the day for the inauguration.

...If You Let Him

2008-09-13T05:31:00.007-06:00

On Wednesday I had a training session to go to at 825. That's what everybody calls the main office building for District of Columbia Public Schools. During the lunch break I decided to accompany a Shaw U graduate to the payroll office to check on her 'stuff.' Basically she did some of her paperwork late and wanted to ensure that everything was on the up and up and that she would be getting paid. She gave the man her social and he printed her a check stub that showed what would be deposited in her account on Friday. Since I was there, I decided to try to get a sneak peak at what would be deposited in my account as well.

When I gave the man my social he said that I wasn't in the system. Thinking it was some mistake or that he had typed the number incorrectly I gave him the number again. Same response. Not in the system. I was floored. Here it is Wednesday and I'm expecting a check on Friday and I'm not in the system.

He instructed me to go to my staffing specialist and let her know. This woman has to be the most aloof person I know. She is just so not on it. When I approached her to tell her about the situation she was not very bothered. She acted as if this sort of thing happened all the time and that she'd get to it when she could. I told her her nonchalance about my business was unacceptable and that she absolutely had to take care of my paperwork today. As a matter of fact I told her within the hour. I had to control my emotions because she kept flipping a piece of paper over as we were talking and staring at it. At one point she wasn't saying anything. It's hard to describe the scene on paper but suffice it to say I was annoyed at her inactivity. Once I told her I wasn't in the system she should have IMMEDIATELY sprang into action to get me in the system to get me paid. Finally she remarked at the end that she 'guessed that she should go and work on this now.' Of course I'm thinking hell yeah itchbay, go handle my shiznit not now but right dang now!!!

When I returned to payroll to let the guy, let's call him Mr. Helpful know what had transpired he gave me some more directives. As he was speaking an e-mail came in from my staffing specialist asking what she needed to do. Mr. Helpful decided that this required a face to face visit to make sure that Ms. A Loof understood what she had to do so that I can get paid. Let's interrupt this story to remind you about what else I had been contending with NCA&TSU. Yeah, if you read that already you understand more about why I would be extremely frustrated at this point. She had to regenerate a document that should have been generated a long time ago. She had sent it up to payroll but they returned it because it was incomplete/incorrect. She didn't realize they had sent it back to her and at the moment didn't know where it was. So like I said she had to reproduce the document. Mr. Helpful informed me that it would only take five minutes to do it and that he had spoken with the head of HR to let him know what was going on so that she would be forced to handle my business. As he and I spoke in the hallways for 21 minutes I remarked to him that she should have been able to produce four 4.25 documents in that amount of time. We chuckled about it but I was serious. I need people to have a sense of urgency especially about your money when they have dropped the ball.

Update to the A&T situation: I received a call on Wednesday and another one on Thursday from two different individuals that informed me that the check was cut on Thursday and would be mailed on Friday. We'll see. Is it just me, but if it was cut on Thursday, why wasn't it mailed on Thursday?

Also while I was down at payroll I had Mr. Helpful find out if they had record of a time sheet having been submitted for me. Interestingly enough they had a time sheet. In my twisted logic I would think that if you have people on the time sheet but have no record of them existing that you'd investigate why. Maybe it's just me. I did learn that payroll is short four people so they just don't have time to track down a bunch of stuff like that right now. That's the same reason they sent my paperwork back down to my staffing specialist on August 6. They don't have time to correct people's mistakes and run stuff down because they are so short staffed.

I spoke with the Business Manager at my school (we called them Treasurers in NC and GA). She didn't think it was realistic for me to expect a paycheck on September 12th. I told her that Mr. Helpful who she knows very well and who her office mate (not really her office mate but he's in there all the time) knows very well assured me that I'd get paid on Friday because he was going to personally walk the paperwork through the process. All day Friday it was touch and go. I tried not to think about it so that I could get my work done. I managed to do that until the BM called me down to her office to find out if I had gone to pick up my check because her contact down there told her that she didn't see the check. I told her no. The BM let me know that there were so more checks coming in after 3:00pm. It was at that point that I said I wasn't going to give up hope. I finally went down to her office after school so that she could call and check. Bless goodness my check was there. (That's something my grandma used to say. I gotta find some pics of her that I can post.) Look at God! People don't believe it but He'll do it if you let him. That's on of my favorite churchy sayings.

I forgot to mention that I shared with a friend about the A&T thing and now the DCPS thing and she remarked that I needed to pray about why God was allowing my finances to be attacked. I side eyed her (ala Opinionated Diva) and told her that it wasn't that deep and that people just needed to do their jobs. Don't you hate it when people wanna make stuff deep that really isn't?

What's Happening Now

2008-09-07T06:19:00.007-06:00

NCA&TSU
For those of you who don’t know that stands for North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University. It is located in Greensboro, NC, where I resided in a former life. This summer I worked in a pre-matriculation program for them teaching two classes. The goal of these types of “bridge” programs is to help students shore up skills that may be lacking or enrich the skills that they already have. One section of students learned precalculus and the other section learned calculus. The program ran for about five weeks, so it was rather intense. I had no choice but to put it on them. I thoroughly enjoyed them and I know that they enjoyed me. I mean, who wouldn’t? ::reflective pause to ponder the question:: Exactly. I can’t imagine either.

The last day of class was July 30, 2008. At this present time I still have not been paid for the service that I rendered. I attended and HBCU so I know how things sometimes have a tendency to work when it comes to processes and paperwork. About a week and a half into the program I spoke with the program director to inquire about us doing the necessary paperwork so that I could be paid. Before the program started she had already gotten a copy of my driver’s license, social security card and one of teaching licenses. (Remember when somebody questioned my credentials?) I am the bonafide truth. Meanwhile, not the point of the story, although she’d obtained some copies of some documents, presumably for my file or whatnot, I still had not signed any papers. I was expecting to complete a W-4 or something. The program director assured me that everything was okay even though I hadn’t signed anything. In my heart of hearts I knew something was awry, but I was trying to sit back and trust the process.

About 3 weeks into the program I requested my check. No haps. She called over to the payroll office or somewhere and found out the check wasn’t ready. She apologized profusely. I was disappointed—not so much in her, but in the system. Again, I attended an HBCU so this didn’t surprise me. I checked in every other day to learn the status of the check. Each day it was more of the same. XYZ office hadn’t done abc. If you’ve been to an institution like this you probably understand all too well what I ‘m talking about. It’s like no one knows what everyone else on the campus does. I propose they close school for a day and just get everybody together and talk about what happens in each office. They even need to simulate the course that a form takes from initiation to completion of whatever task the form is intended to accomplish. About two days before the last teaching day of the program I went into the office and the lady’s assistant was like, “Look at all these forms that we have to fill out to get you paid.” A few things popped into my mind:

I don’t care how many forms it takes to get me paid. Complete them so I can get paid.
I told you all to start this paperwork a long time ago, so why at two days before the program ends are you just now getting the paperwork done? Is it because we’re at an HBCU?
Tales of you incompetence do not interest me.(What movie?)

Of course now I’m in Maryland so I can’t just go up to the school to check on the status of things. Everything I do has to be done over the telephone. I have talked to the Department of Biology, Contracts and Grants, Payroll, Accounts Payable and the Office of the Chancellor. Some lady in the OOC told me that everyone was aware of the situation since I had called quite a few people on campus. Okay, are you thinking what I’m thinking? If everybody knows why the hell don’t I have a check yet?!?!!!! Further, far be it from me to work and expect to be paid. Am I reaching for the stars? (Same movie.) The latest update is that another lady in the office of the chancellor has spoke with the department, contracts and grants and accounts payable and she still doesn’t know when I’ll be paid. This type of stuff is what gives out institutions a bad rep. I purposely referenced HBCU a couple times prior. Not to offend anyone. I’m probably one of the most pro-black people you’ll ever meet. I just hate when stereotypes seem to ring true.

Prince George’s County
Since I have been a resident of the county I have been towed twice for the same reason. The registration decal on my car had expired. I decided that I wouldn’t renew it in North Carolina since I was moving to Maryland. It was only going to be for a little over a month that I’d have expired tags, and I didn’t think that in Maryland they would be concerned about what was going on in North Carolina. Boy was I ever wrong. I finally decided to get my cousin to purchase the decal and mail it to me so that when I took back what the enemy stole from me, I wouldn’t have to keep going through this drama.

Job
There’s a guy on my job who is in a higher position than I but who concerns me greatly. He has loftly ideals but they aren’t appropriate for the population of kids who we serve. There is a different mind set that one must embrace when working in a title one environment than when one works for a more affluent population. What trips me out is that he be calling himself schooling me on stuff. Make no mistakes, I am a content expert and a pedagogical genius. I know curriculum and instruction. Where he and I differ is that I have practical experience in this environment whereas he wants to use the textbook approach to attacking issues. I won’t go into details because it would bore you to tears, but I will say this. At some point you have to let go of idealism and look at what is pragmatic. Also, when you are entering a situation, it is rarely a good idea to go in an impose a bunch of new practices on people all at once. You have to gradually roll stuff out. Schools don’t get in horrible shape overnight so it’s quixotic to think that you can turn them around overnight. I’m not being funny but these people have had years of practicing bad teaching. It takes much longer to unlearn something that to learn something. The guy has lots of potential. I recognize talent when I see it. I’m just not sure if he understands what it takes to be successful in this setting. I just thought of a quick example that I could share. He wants teachers to teach for mastery. Groundbreaking. Who doesn’t? His argument is that when teachers teach for mastery, students are able to pass any test. He claims he used to teach for mastery at this affluent school and students did relatively well on the standardized tests. I’m not going to have an educational debate right now but everybody knows children in poverty are different from children with money. You don’t have to like it, but it is a fact people. If you wish to discuss it further feel free to call me at 240.619.5751. I’d be happy to break it down for you. The point is this population of kids is not affluent. You have to engage them slightly differently because the playing field is not exactly level. And with the performance of this school in the past few years, why the hell would you think mastery teaching is possible at this point? It’s clear that the teachers aren’t even hitting knowledge on Bloom’s taxonomy. We need to focus on getting students to perform well on the standardized tests to get the man off our back. As we do that we’ll phase in strategies to help teachers become masters of their craft. Lofty ideals, just not applicable for what we need to do right now. It’s at this point that I have decided that I cannot let this persist any longer. I have got to shut this mess down.

Cable and Internet
I finally got my stuff turned on. That’s why I decided to post an update. Now that I’m back in the current century after a three week respite, I’ll get back on track.

Hope everyone is doing well. I have already started making my blog rounds. Look out DC/Maryland area bloggers. I’ll probably be sending something your way for us to hook up. Be safe. Much love.

As per your request

2008-08-21T16:27:00.003-06:00

At One_man's request I'll post a quick and dirty update. Tired. Been working 12-14 hour days trying to get this school ready to open. Tired. The workload is almost overwhelming. This particular school is so behind the times. They don't have stuff that I would consider basic for a school to function. The people in DC think in NC and GA there's nothing but tumbleweeds and cows. They are always asking if we have "that" down there. Most of the time my response is, "Yes. Ya'll ain't got nothing we ain't got. Our cities are just cleaner." They are so annoying.

I have to provide curricular support to math teachers mainly but I can support all teachers. I have some teachers who aren't credentialed and some who really don't have any experience teaching math at the middle school level. I'll have to work closely with and monitor those folks. It is very difficult finding good math teachers, especially this late in the game. School starts Monday for students. I did an interview today. I had to take the woman because my back is up against the wall.

Promise I'll give you something for real when this stuff calms down. I've been out to a few restaurants and done a couple of clubs. I played bingo a couple times as well. No bingo is not just for old people. I enjoy it. Okay, I feel like a nap so I'm gonna jet. I haven't made my blog rounds in a while either, but I'll get on that in the near future. Be safe.

I Made It

2008-08-01T21:19:00.000-06:00

I made it to the D.C. area. I left today at about 12:00 noon and arrived around six. The traffic was to blame for that. I rented a U-Haul and a car trailer and put Jackie on the back and set sail. I did have a bump in the road. I hit a lady when I was about 25 miles from D.C. I wasn't paying attention and was trying to transact business on the cellie. She was gracious as was I. She was serious though like she gets in accidents all the time. She wanted a picture of my license and of course pictures of the damage. I told her I would get her my insurance information. I called my insurance company just to check to make sure that I would be covered. They said when based on the policy that I have if I rent a U-Haul I have liability coverage. I believe that means that the insurance company will cover damage to other vehicles for me. If anyone can verify this, that would be great.

I'm gonna try to catch some sleep. I checked my e-mail a little while ago and discovered that I would have to attend a meeting tomorrow (Saturday) at 10:00 a.m. Good thing I checked my e-mail. I need stuff to be more organized.

I'm not even 100% sure if my mother knows that I am already in the urrea (as Chris would say). I have been calling her cell and she hasn't answered or returned my calls. She's probably just busy. I'll try her tomorrow to let her know that I'm here. On second thought, I'll try her right now at 11:26 p.m. ring...ring....ring...ring....she picked up. Call disconnected at 11:28 p.m. I told her I'm here and that I'd call her tomorrow. She sounded really tired. I wonder how much longer....

This is so disjointed because I'm tired. I'll move in tomorrow after my meeting. Largo, Maryland is where I'll reside.

Forgivness Not Permission

2008-07-26T03:01:00.000-06:00

I don't know what it is but telling me no always makes me want to do it more. As a courtesy to my parents I asked permission to see the movie Boomerang. I think I was about 14 when it came out--maybe 15. Either way I was under the recommended age of seventeen. I emphasize the term 'courtesy.' I asked to give them an opportunity to sanction me viewing the film. Growing up in that super religious household (as far as that kinda stuff goes, we won't even go into all the hypocritical stuff) I had an inkling that they may not grant me permission to view the film. True to form I was denied.

For me no usually doesn't mean that it can't happen. It just means that I have to adjust some things to make it happen. I devised a way to see the film anyway and I saw it. This taught me something. Sometimes when you attempt to go through the proper channels you may be denied. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I do not ask for permission. I ask for forgiveness. Basically, I'll just do what I want to do and when you call me on it, I'll say oops my bad. I'm not suggesting that this is the best way to do things or that it is right. There is something inherently manipulative about it inasmuch as I've already thought it out and because there is a possibility that you'd say no I'm just gonna forgo that conversation. In this way if you were to say no and I did it anyway I would be being defiant like I was with my parents about the movie. If I don't ask in the first place I'm just being presumptuous.

I can recall being in church and my desire to see Boomerang was mentioned from the pulpit. I can't be certain, but this was probably followed up by some admonitions to parents to keep a good eye on your kids or something like that. As I was sitting in the pew listening to my business being put on front street I had mixed emotions. On one hand I thought it inappropriate for him* to discuss that from the pulpit. On the other hand I was smiling and rubbing my hands together on the inside ala the bad guy on Inspector Gadget because I had already viewed the film. Whereas him* thought him* was making himself* look big by letting the congregation know how he vetoed that, etc., I relished in the fact that I had already done what I wanted to do anyway. Maybe this will make for good holiday conversation. As a matter of fact maybe I'll make a list of stuff that I did that they didn't know about and share it during the holiday. Anybody wanna come to my Thanksgiving?

The District

2008-07-21T17:29:00.004-06:00

Well it looks like I'll be going to D.C. Details to come. Here's the quick and dirty. Interviewed on Friday and got offered a job as a Mathematics Professional Developer. Basically that means I'll work with other teachers to help them improve their instructional delivery. In short I won't be working directly with students but I still will be able to interact with them. I'll tell ya'll what's all going on as soon as I feel like typing something out. I just got off the road a little while ago. Thanks for the support for those of you who gave an encouraging word.

Although I really wanted to go to Atlanta, maybe He has another plan for me.

Roots

2008-07-14T09:26:00.004-06:00

DISCLAIMER: This post is not directed at any one person. This grew out of years of hearing something and not having the words to express how I felt. From the heart of JayBee. I hope that this can start an open dialogue. If you have anything to add or wish to give me a different vantage point, please share.

****************************************************************

For quite some time whenever I would hear people say, “Don’t forget where you came from,” or some variant of that same thematic expression, I could never give voice to why that statement bothered me so. Whereas it is supposed to be received as a reminder to live in humility, I have discovered that the real message being communicated has its roots elsewhere, from a place much more sinister and demeaning. Each time I’d hear the phrase uttered, I’d walk away feeling trampled upon, but not understand why; further I wouldn’t be able to articulate to another why I felt so. This weekend I sat down (after hearing it again) and tried to deconstruct the phrase along with the not so subtle innuendos that lie couched within.

Most of the times when I’ve heard this expression it has been communicated to me through someone older: a parent, an aunt or uncle, grandparent, church member, etc. I have heard it from people in my same age group as well. Typically the message always comes when I express to someone about any changes that I’m trying to implement. The issue is that the potential changes often move me further away from what is status quo in an impoverished or lower middle class social structure.

The purported intention of the statement does not match what the statement really communicates. I submit to you that the expression’s intent is not to keep you humble, but to keep you bound. That’s what makes it so menacing. People who have not done as well as you always seem to want to remind you of how things used to be back in the day. When you ordered something from the restaurant and shared it. When you had to go outside after the people left and turn the electricity back on. When you went for months with the same pair of school shoes. You see where I’m going. It is because of those experiences that people like myself try to create circumstances for themselves that shield them from the disappointments that a life that includes the aforementioned provides, if you can really call that state of affairs provision. I do not express regret for wanting a different reality for myself. I took no pleasure in eating chicken and rice three times a week (even if it was tasty). It didn’t excite me to have to watch my mother and him* struggle to make ends meet.

It really is reminiscent of the proverbial crabs in a barrel. When you see me trying to do a little something you think it your sworn duty to humanity to keep me ‘in my place,’ by issuing the trite admonishment. It is perfectly fine to remember the roots, but I want to be a limb. I’m going to stretch out a little bit—enlarge my territory, but I’m still connected. I do need you to survive, because the roots provide sustenance for the limbs, but just because you bring something to me via a conduit, I don’t have to partake. You bringing me your bad habits, I’ll pass. If you want better for me, then why would you want to keep reminding me about worse? I’m having difficulty reconciling in my mind how romanticizing the improperly termed ‘good old days’ is going to help me improve my current situation.

When you come up under less than favorable conditions, how could you …‘forget where you came from?’ Those experiences are forever indelibly etched in the fiber of your being. Those experiences build character and engender you with the fortitude to push yourself to accomplish more. I didn’t pursue higher education so that I could try to fill my head with enough stuff to erase my youth from my memory. Instead I pursued education so that I could have a richer experience—a different set of circumstances.

I cannot do anything about the way I was brought up. I cannot say that I would have willfully chosen it if given the choice. It wasn’t that bad, but it was bad enough though that I don’t desire that for myself. What we have to look at is what have I done since my life has been my own. I think I’ve been a good steward of my time. Where I came from I was not in charge of decisions. Now that I am responsible for myself I am creating the where I came from part of my life. Don’t try to hold me accountable for the poor decisions that you made. Just look at me since my life has been my own.

As a caveat, something that I have noticed about people who use this expression on others is that they want to make the statement and at the same time be a beneficiary of the better practices that you have adopted. How can you make that statement, but then call me to help you pay your car note or light bill or for a car repair?

In truth, the next time someone uses that expression, I’m going to have to let them know that I am going to forget where I came from. You have to forget the habits and practices that put those making the statements in the predicaments that they are in. You’re walking around in bondage to your creditors, can’t pay your light bill, got your car note in your pocket instead of sending it to Wachovia Dealer Services all the while looking out your blinds for the take back man. When you rise to different levels in life, there are some things that are no longer acceptable practices. You’re going to have to forget where you came from, particularly if you want to be able to keep progressing.

No, I won’t forget the struggles because as I said earlier, those things helped shape me into the man I am today. Stronger, wise, better, so much better because of it. But if by using that expression you mean for me to continue on the destructive pattern that has you bound, then to that I say a hearty HELL NO. I will not live like you and I don’t apologize for the same.

I guess I'm not following The Script. Maybe that'll be my first book.

Asthma Attack

2008-07-10T16:40:00.003-06:00

Not me. I don't have asthma, but my mom does. She was diagnosed as a little girl. As she grew up her attacks became less and less frequent. I haven't heard of her complain of having had an attack in about three years, so maybe she's kinda grown out of it now. She'd have an attack when she was around too much dust/dirt. Sometimes when we were dusting inside the house, she'd have to be in another room or she'd just let that be the last thing that we had to do when we were cleaning up. If she let it be the last item on the checklist, she'd just leave the house while we completed that.

Picture it, Savannah, 1993. ::wavy television lines and me titling my head at a slight angle to the right:: We had gone to visit my grandmother. Good times indeed. How I long for the fun, food and fellowship of those former days. (Gold star for the first person who has been out of high school for at least ten years who can remember the term for the literary device that I used in the previous sentence.) At some point on this trip mama's asthma began to flare up. I'm not really sure if people say flare up when it comes to asthma, but whatever. Fortunately she had her inhaler because she knew that there was always the possibility of an attack whenever we visited my grandmother because some of the rooms may be dusty. I was there when it happened and whenever I see her in this condition my heart races, because I know that all I can do is make sure she has her inhaler and pray that she doesn't get nervous or panic herself. I don't remember who got the inhaler to her, but once she got it and inhaled she was okay after a few minutes. Crisis averted.

Once we returned home we returned to business as usual. You know, complaining from him* about keeping the house clean, going to church and school, cutting the grass. I only offer that information to underscore the fact that nothing was happening out of the ordinary. On the second night after the return from Moultrie, Georgia, where my grandmother lived something happened. Late one night I heard wheezing coming from my mother's bedroom. I instantly went into fix it mode. The bedroom that my brothers and I shared was directly across the hall from the bedroom that she shared with him*. I woke up with a start once I heard the wheezing. I instantly associated this with an asthma attack and since she had just had one a few days ago I was already on orange alert.

I screamed, "Mama," and dashed across the hall to locate her purse. I saw her purse on the floor near her dresser and quickly rifled though it in search of her inhaler. It was the only thing separating her from relief. What I soon realized when I turned toward the bed to give her the inhaler is that she didn't need relief. Whereas I thought I heard wheezing, I heard her she was engaged in copulation with him*. I am forever scarred.
::come out of the dream state::

Okay that last line was a little dramatic, but I definitely wasn't expecting to walk in on them. We never really discussed the incident. In my household we treated matters related to sex like the plague.

Compass

2008-06-30T15:07:00.005-06:00

I like the story about No excuses! so much that I have added it to my text messaging signature.

I've been doing a lot. Some of you may recall I am unemployed. I resigned my job and to date have not secured employment with any school system for the upcoming school term. At this point I should be panicking, but it's like whatever. My lease ends at the end of July and I haven't found a new place to live. I'm still like whatever. I can't figure out why I'm not worried about these things. I mean, this is serious stuff, but I'm being very cool about it. To those on the outside looking in I may seem directionless. It's not that. It's just that the compass I'm using hasn't point me to my North Pole just yet.

Before I was considering a move the to ATL. I have family there and all over Georgia. The folks stay in Savannah. Anyway, I did the whole online application thing for APS and went to a career fair. Still nothing. My roommate swears that I haven't done enough to secure employment. I'm like short of dropping my draws, what else should I do? I've called and sent some e-mails. I don't wanna become a stalker. Besides, I don't feel like I should have to hook for a job. (If I don't have one by August 1st, then all morals will be put on hold. Hookin' for a job won't be so bad after all.) I have some other stuff in the works, but I'll go ahead and reveal a few of the cards.

I've decided to cast a wider net. Interestingly enough '...enlarge my territory...' has been in my spirit pretty hard these last few weeks, although this isn't the appropriate context for that idea. I've been doing a little digging around about the D.C. area. I did an online application for DC Public Schools. We'll see what happens. As soon as I know how I'm gonna maintain the hot water and electricity I'll let you all know.

I got an auto insurance quote from my current company. You know, the one that'll save you a bunch of money by switching. I think I've said before that I would not mind being in one of their commercials. As a matter of fact, while I was trying to get information about a quote for my potential move, I was given a discount here that I have not been receiving. You can't tell me nothing about my insurance company. (double negatives and all) They quoted me $838.80 for comprehensive without collision and $1195.70 for comprehensive with collision. Although my car is 12 years old, I cannot afford to get in an accident and not have a means to fix it. I have some $$$ saved for emergencies, but I still think it would be wise for me to keep my collision coverage. The woman on the phone advised me that people in my position often do not keep collision when the car is as old as mine is. I'm debating. If I go with the $838.80 my monthly payment would be just under $140. Right now I pay almost $125, so that wouldn't be a huge increase. With the other premium I'd be at $199.28. That's way more than I want to pay for insurance, but the realism is that I might have to do it. Help me out blog fam, should I keep the collision coverage or not on my vehicle that was manufactured before I started high school?

Meanwhile I was just talking to a friend on the phone who reminded me that I had to tutor this evening. Dang. I be forgetting stuff all the time now. Maybe I need to take some vitamins. Let me run.

Apparently So

2008-06-25T07:38:00.012-06:00

Every other black person who I've told about this past weekend (Thursday through Monday) seem to all ask me the same question. Do black people go camping. Well, since I'm black and I went along with some others, I guess the answer has to be a resounding yes. I was a camping virgin, but I actually had a great time. At first when some friends bought the idea to me, I did Diva's infamous ::sideeye:: because I was not really feeling giving up the Sealy Posturpedic in exchange for ingrown tree roots and gravel.

We went to Wally World to make preparations and purchases. As God would have it, we bumped into a black lady who was a camping expert. She told us everything that we needed to do. Oh I left this part out. Of the three guys, none of us had been camping before. She even took us to her car and gave us three checklists of stuff to bring and directions to a local camping site. The place was only about 1.5 hours away. So, we had no camping experience and didn't even know where we were going to go to camp. I'm so glad we ran into Marcia for two reasons. One, she was able to share her wisdom about camping with us. She absolutely loves it. That totally came across while she was speaking. ::Sidebar::While I was listening to her--the passion with which she spoke about camping, I kept thinking to myself that she should start a business. I told her that. She told me that her father had been trying to get her to do that for a while now. I told her that my being a complete stranger and delivering to her the same message was confirmation of the vision. Habbukah, baby.::end sidebar::The second reason I'm glad we ran into her is that it reassured me about the feasibility of this whole endeavor. Prior to hearing her share her positive experiences and give us tricks-of-the-trade, I was still kinda leery about going. When we parted with her I was kinda hype.

So we arrive on Thursday around three in the afternoon and pitch the tent. The setup with quite simple. I had no idea that the tent was just one piece of material sewn together. For some reason I thought we were going to have to put on multiple pieces, but whatever.

That night we previewed the hiking trails and came back to fix something to eat. During the time there we ate chicken breasts, pork chops, hamburgers, zucchini and yellow squash. One night we took the chicken breasts, zucchini and yellow squash and put it in some foil with some Italian dressing. Banging! Here's a fire from one night with some food on the grill.

The next morning we went on a 4.5 mile hike that took us across the summit of a mountain. Yes, we went all the way up the mountain and back down again. Fortunately, for me and everyone else, while in the woods, I didn't see any bright eyes.

In this picture, notice the sign. Almost a mile high. I know that's nothing for a mountain, but I had to show proof.

I decided to stage a fake rock climbing picture, just in case I wanted to revel friends and acquaintances with tales of danger. Notice the strain on the face.

At some point during the hiking trail we ran up on a waterfall.

Somewhere during the course of the stay we went fishing. I didn't catch anything, but Dre did. Trav caught two fish but threw them both back. No picture for that. Actually we went fishing twice. The second time we went fishing I saw a water moccasin. It came up to the edge of the pond and I assume turned back. I say assume because as soon as I saw it swimming my way I straightway dropped my rod and put Carl Lewis to shame. If he saw me running from the snake, he'd give back his medal.

On a lighter note, I did manage to snap some Bambis who were all up and through them woods.

One night out there we ran into the lady from WalMart. We knew she was going to be at the same camping site because she mentioned it in the store. She invited us to dinner one night. We turned down the dinner invitation but agreed to come back for dessert. She made a strawberry cobbler. She was with two others. We all sat around the campfire laughing and telling tales. Good times indeed. Marcia asked us if we had made smores. I told her no and she absolutely insisted that we have some smores. They were a bit sweet, but at least I can say I've had them.

Somewhere during the camping adventure my phone got messed up. No one knows what happened. I've been in negotiations with Sprint for two days. My new phone should arrive by Friday. The whole Sprint fiasco is another blog post unto itself. After looking at my phone, they said they weren't sure if they'd be able to fix it. I was flabbergasted. Look at that picture. Does it look like I was interested in a repair? I've caught up on a few blogs. I should be making the rest of my rounds today.

I can say that this was fun for me. I'll do it again. Now I want to go ahead and cross some more stuff off my list. I need to skydive, hang glide and ski. Anybody wanna go?

Pictionary

2008-06-15T15:07:00.007-06:00

I usually acquiese, but this time I don't think I will. I just don't have the energy to keep up this charade any longer. Mom calls me about two minutes ago. I already knew how this would end. I've read the script and played the role before. She made about 35 seconds worth of small talk and then went in for the kill. Her purpose was to tell me to call him* to wish him* a happy father's day. In this past I'd do it though I'd be recalcitrant and look for other ways to pacify her without having to engage him*. I think she should understand how I feel. If not, maybe I need to draw her a picture. Remember that game Pictionary that came on t.v.? I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but she even called a few months back when I was out of town to find out whether I am willing to give him* one of my kidneys. I'm not certain why she wasted her time and energy. That's about three minutes of her life that she can't get back. Although she had already anticipated my response, I guess she just asked in the off chance that I'd say yes. A quixotic dream at best.

As I type this I'm trying to weigh in my mind my desire to distance myself from him* and her need to have peace in her home. I mean, I'm sure he'll be talking her head off about why JayBee didn't call on father's day. At this point in my life, I need to look out for me. How long should I consider others' needs above my own? I played that role already. I don't object to anyone else who wants to reuse that same script, but I beseech you to hire a different cast. (When is my girl gonna drop her new album?)

It would be such a farce for me to utter those words to him*, since they could not leave my lips (nice and full as they are) with sincerity. One of him*'s favorite expressions is, "...whole hog or not at all." Since I can't be sincere about it, I may as well not do it. That's just what I plan to do. I'll deal later with mama and her trying to force me to engage someone who I all but detest--like she wasn't living in that house with me. I wouldn't wish the upbringing I had in terms of interacting with him* on Osama bin Laden or George W. Bush. The thing is, even if I were to call and say it, I think in his empty place of empty places, he would know that it wasn't sincere. What's sick about the whole song and dance though, is that him* would welcome the insincere words in lieu of a complete omission. I'm different. If it ain't real, then you can keep it. MESSAGE! (Remember that from Don't Be a Menance to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood?)

To those who have assumed the mantle of responsibility associated with parenthood, and specifically today, fatherhood, I applaud you. How do you know if you're on the right track? I'll leave you with an idea that I posted back in March. Don't take it 100% literally, but reflect on it.

Just a thought:
You cannot choose your parents. Here's a question for parents everywhere.

If you had to prepare a "resume" of your accomplishments, everything you have to offer a child, would your child/children choose you to be their parent? What character traits do you have that would make you an especially good candidate for child rearing?

Runaway Love

2008-06-14T08:47:00.005-06:00

Does anyone know what meme means? Is it short for something else or is it a word that means "a tag." Always wondered about it's significance. Anyway, Da Vinci tagged me so I'm going to comply since I fukks with him. Well actually, I'll probably not tag anyone else, but I'll follow the rest of the rules to the letter.

MEME Rules:
1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Ask Myself - Robin Thicke (I often need time to reflect and process if I'm okay with something. I have to ask myself and communicate in my adult voice* (from a book I'm reading) if I do not like something. I might say, "In order for me to be comfortable with xyz, I need ____________ to happen.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Dontchange - Musiq Soulchild (I value consistency. I'm easy to get along with and easy to please. I'm not opposed to change, however, because change is one of those things in life that is certain. What I don't change is how I treat people based on who I'm around. If I like you, I like you.)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Save Room - John Legend (I need you to be available to me. That includes your time and your resources.)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Summertime - Sam Cooke (Everything is okay. My ma is good looking, but my pa ain't rich. I did get up singing.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Maxine - John Legend (I gotta find her. Taking applications now.)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Lauryn Hill (I like to watch what people say and how they say it. The nonverbal cues really tell the story.)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Everything is Everything - Lauryn Hill (Kinda like it is what it is. Although I really don't say that a lot because I think it is now trite and overused, I do say things could be worse or be thankful that things are as well as they are. Kinda along the same line.)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
He'll Welcome Me - John P. Kee (If you can't accept me for who I am, flaws and all, then I don't need you. That's not to say that I'm not willing to change some things, but in any relationship, you need to decide if you can deal with a person as they are, so that in case change doesn't happen or is slow in coming, you can still interact with a person without conflict. Don't feel like rereading that sentence so I hope it makes sense.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Twistin' the Night Away - Sam Cooke (Nothing could be further from the truth. They are both really laid back. I guess I could say him* twists the night away because him* be trying to have people up all night getting stuff.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The Sweetest Thing - Lauryn Hill (Here lately I have been thinking about love and finding a virtuous woman. One who I can depend on and one who I can spoil. I'm not pressed, but I was with some colleagues just yesterday and their eyes were all aglow when they spoke about their children and spouses. I definitely wouldn't stay married for the sake of saying I'm married if I was unhappy, but I would like the experience.)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Dontchange- Musq Soulchild (How fitting. 2+2 is four everyday of the week. It just Dontchange.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
He'll Welcome Me - John P. Kee (See comment about friends earlier.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Big Things Poppin' - T.I. (I can see big things in our future if things happen the way that I want them to.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Just Want to Praise You - Maurette Brown Clark (Church has been a constant throughout my existence. With all that I've been through I have no choice but to praise Him. By the way, my story is my story. Don't try to one up someone with the details of your life and try to make them feel that their life isn't as bad. At the same time, when I hear other people's stories, it humbles me and makes me realize that things could have been worse and that I need to be thankful that things are as well as they are. My life exists in contradictions.)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Time - Musiq Soulchild (Not sure yet, but just like time, I want to transcend.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Twistin' the Night Away - Sam Cooke (I could dance all night or do other things all night.)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Lauryn Hill (They are always tryna see what I'm up to.)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Alright - John Legend (If we're at the wedding, hopefully we've already dealt with most of the major issues each of us has and things will be alright for our future.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Everything is Everything - Lauryn Hill (Let the life that I've lived speak for me.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Summertime - Sam Cooke (I do like the summer and one of my hobbies, swimming, I do a lot during the summer time.)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Lost Without U - Robin Thicke (It's really no secret that I want you back. I'm not lost without you, but I am a bit disoriented.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Sweetest Thing - Lauryn Hill (I love my friends.)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Runaway Love - Ludacris (I'll post it as this title, because obedience is better than sacrifice.)

I actually enjoyed this tag. One thing is for sure, I need some more songs on my MP3 player. Look at how many times some of the songs came back up in the shuffle.

No Excuses

2008-06-06T09:27:00.000-06:00

We had a pretty good time yesterday, although we left sixteen minutes late. One of the students got off the bus to use the restroom and I didn't know and I instructed the driver to go and so she got left. That says to me that you have to be in place. So many people want to operate outside the covering. If you had to use the restroom, there were some options. One option would be to make use of the facilities on the charter bus. Otherwise it is critical that you inform someone where you are going so that someone would know and could be accountable and awaiting your safe and speedy return.

Not all of the students chose to ride the bus. Some of them drove down on their own and paid the full price admission fee for the park. Again, that's what happens when you operate outside the covering. There's safety in the ark. If you had done what you were asked to do, then you could have saved about thirty dollars. It's not a big deal to me though. If they like it, I love it. I am one who likes to save a dollar whenever possible.

What is disheartening is that so many of these kids have a poverty mentality. They live in substandard housing with under- or uneducated guardians whose idea of a good time is facing a couple of blunts, frying some fish and washing it down with some alcohol.

Don't you just love it when people want to put their mouths on you instead of stepping to you and asking you what you feel about something. If you have a question about something, feel free to ask. I have no problem explaining to someone how I feel about something. That's not to say that I will address all inquiries. Some things are better left unsaid. But, for the most part, I will gladly field any inquiries.

Z didn't get too much darker yesterday at the park. I used SPF 70 with helioplex. I don't even know what helioplex is, (doesn't helio- mean sun?), but I just like to say "...with helioplex." It sounds like it makes all the difference. For those of you who want to get deep, no I do not have a color complex. I simply mean that I did not allow the radiation from the sun to excite the melanin present in my dermis thereby allowing less light to pass through. That is, if you put your color on a prism, the darker it is the less light that will pass through. Now that I've written that a racist could use that and make some really compelling metaphors.

Yeah, so if you've gotten this far you've realized that this is pretty random. No form nor comeliness. I don't know why I've been making so many biblical references lately. Maybe I'm just in one of those phases. That reminds me about this sermon I heard a few weeks ago. Wanna hear about it? Good, cause I was gonna tell ya anyway.

Let me give a little background. This was women's day so the women were ushering, singing in the choir, you know...pretty much doing everything that day. The woman who spoke grew up in this church, but has since moved away and started a life elsewhere complete with a husband and kids and a dog...blah blah blah. She's a minister and an educator and feeds the homeless and rescues stray cats from trees in her spare time.

The sermon title was, "No Excuses." First of all, to me that's more of a secular slogan that an religious theme/idea, but I was willing to listen and see where she was going with this. I'm pretty sure "No Excuses" was a part of an advertising campaign. She used two illustrations from the Bible. The first story was about a woman whose daughter was possessed with a demon and needed to be delivered. The speaker, let's call her Ms. Empty-Air, described how the woman demonstrated her faith when she asked Jesus to heal her child. It didn't appear that Jesus was in the healing mood, if you will, but because of her faith, he did it. Right here is a good time to say Amend. Emphasis on the 'd'. You know everything sounds more holy when you indiscriminately add and subtract letters as (in)appropriate. So basically woman asks for a healing and she receives it. The next story was about Lot's wife. Most people are familiar with this story. This is when Lot and his family were fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah (I wonder which on they actually lived in--or maybe S&G is like Winston-Salem or Raleigh-Durham) and the wife turned back and became a pillar of salt. She and everyone who was in their company fleeing the city had been warned not to look back. Someone should have told her that obedience is better than sacrifice. If I'm preaching you can stand up. Anyway, so she turned into the pillar of salt and everybody else kept going.

If you've forgotten, scroll back up and look at the sermon title in red. Okay, so just like me you're probably wondering what in the world this has to do with anything. What was so egregious is that she just kept peppering the discourse with no excuses like it was so sort of mantra or a theme for which she had laid a solid foundation. As I sat in my pew, I just couldn't make the connection with the illustrations that she chose. All the while she's still walking around hollering No Excuses. Finally she asked the pastor if she could come down on the floor to continue to speak. The pastor obliged. My interested was sparked at this time because I thought she was gonna really make the connection for me and tie up any loose ends in her sermon. so far, I had not gained a single thing. Once she got on the floor she just was talking about women having no excuses. I guess she meant like no excuses about being good wives, good mothers, good Christians, good in the community, faithful in service, etc. If these were her thoughts, she definitely didn't tie it together.

Other people were standing up and encouraging her as she spoke. I was looking around wondering to myself if they were listening to the same oration that I was. She was screaming about no excuses but hadn't said a thing since we had began. Talking loud, but saying nothing. To that I say no excuses. It's almost as if she didn't know she was speaking that morning and didn't have time to prepare. She knew at least a month in advance because I remember hearing it during the church announcements. I get really sensitive about church. I hate it when people speak and don't share anything new with me. Especially with the price of gas! I felt like going up to her and asking for her badge and her keys. I wanted her to turn over her certificate/license to preach because there was no excuse for what she allowed to masquerade as a sermon. I have an explanation for why people were standing up egging her on. Option one: I think that most of the people who were standing were just doing so because she grew up in that church and her mother still attends the church. Maybe they were supporting her and not necessarily supporting what she was saying. Option two: They are absolutely delusional.

Now though I use that phrase as a running joke with some of my friends and associates with whom I've shared this story. At any time one of us might just holler out "no excuses" just for no reason. Pretty much analogous to how she used it. It might have been a little better for her to talk about no excuse for people going to hell because of Jesus' sacrifice. Maybe I'll prepare something and e-mail it to her using that same sermon title. The only difference is what I send her will be coherent (despite the fact that this post isn't) and will be understandable.

They Done Had Me Stretch Out

2008-05-24T11:50:00.001-06:00

I am so glad today is Saturday. That's because most of the stuff that has had me so busy at work is now over. This past week we had two days of stuff for the graduating seniors. As senior class advisor I am responsible for making sure things run smoothly. **Disclaimer**This may bore you to tears, so feel free to skip this post. Since this stuff is over now though, I'm back in full effect in the blog world effective today.**
Thursday: The first event that morning was the senior breakfast/yearbook signing. I wanted to do a plated meal (eggs, bacon, sausage, grits, biscuits, fruit), but I felt that the quotes that I received were too pricey. The catering companies that I spoke with basically told me I was out of touch. I wanted to do a breakfast for 250 people for $800. One guy even laughed at me on the phone. Before looking for catering companies I tried to get Biscuitville to sponsor the breakfast. In true JayBee form, I waited until the eleventh hour and it was too late for them to sponsor the event. You have to contact them 60 days prior to the event. I called them the week before. I started to cancel the breakfast altogether. Since the administrator had already announced to the kids that we were having a breakfast, I had to get something together to save face. So, I ordered 280 sandwiches (McMuffins® and biscuits) from Micky D's. I topped that off with some juice, water, fruit and danishes. From there we routed them to the auditorium to hear a speaker. The speaker didn't show until much later. At our school the students wear SMOD (Standard Mode of Dress). We do khakis and royal blue/goldenrod/white polo style shirts. Because today was senior day some of them decided to show up in jeans or in the case of some of the females, booty shorts. Not on my watch. I wouldn't let them in the cafeteria to eat breakfast because they were in noncompliance with the rules. A group of girls did slip in with the booty shorts on, but when one of my coworkers alerted me that they had infiltrated the ranks I quickly found and removed them. The assistant principal made all the boys in jeans get on the risers on the stage in the auditorium to lead us in the school song. Straight Lean On Me style. It was so funny. The guys were up there strategizing for real and rearranging each other and warming up and stuff. They asked another guy in the audience to play for them and they sang Lean On Me. This did not embarrass them because a lot of these dudes are the popular guys anyway (athletes, band members, step team, etc.). It was sooo funny. Next we did senior superlatives. Some of the categories were not your standard "Best Dressed" and "Most Likely to Succeed." We had stuff like:

Most Likely to Use Their Medicaid Card As Cash
Most Likely to be Confused at Graduation
Biggest Gossip
Most Likely to be Married More Than Once

As you can imagine the kids had a ball with this. We had some business to attend to in the auditorium and then we dismissed for lunch on their own. They were told to reconvene in the auditorium at 2:30 p.m. The speaker was able to make it for this portion. I arranged for them to hear a presentation about money management. I wanted them to learn something about managing their credit. At 3:30 we had capping ceremony practice. This lasted until about 5:15 and then the kids came out for the picnic. In the background while the stuff was going on in the auditorium, I had to leave the school to go to SAMS to pick up the food for the picnic. I enlisted the help on my third block class to help with the picnic and had two of them on call to go pick up last minute items as they crossed my mind. When I got to the exit that I needed to get off the highway to get to SAMS I realized I didn't have the check to pay for the food so I had to turn around and go back to the school to get the check. Blow action. Earlier that morning when I was taking the food out of the car for breakfast I twisted my knee. Blow action. The menu for the picnic was simple:

hamburgers
hot dogs (I don't eat them but other people do)
assorted chips
frozen fruit
pickles
cole slaw
chili
drinks
cake
ice cream sandwiches

The hamburgers were banging. The teacher I got to get on the grill did a great job. I actually rotated four people on the grill. I had the grill started at 3:00 because I wanted enough food for 200 people ready when the kids came down. We were only expecting about 250 or so, so I figured if I had at least enough for 200, by the time they got through the line we'd have the next batch off the grill. I had the hamburgers and hot dogs already put in buns and put in roasting pans so that they would just be able to request what they wanted, put on the condiments and keep it moving. I'm so glad my friend Tolana told me to do that. That was a great idea. We moved them through that line faster than the cafeteria does. Besides good eats, the kids could do volleyball, tug-of-war or play touch football. I had a dj because you know how we like to do. African Americans (blacks or whatever moniker you like--my preference is black) like to dance. I got this guy to donate a funeral tent so that we'd have some shade, but fortunately it was very nice out. The lady in the black is the ninth grade assistant principal.

In addition, the kids could play on the joust or the super obstacle course. Oh I almost forgot about the water ballon fight. When the balloons ran out the kids started filling up water bottles and throwing those at each other. They had a ball.
Friday: Today was the actual capping ceremony. I had to arrange some more last minute stuff. I needed to have the class president and vice president present tokens of appreciation to the senior administrator (the assistant principal for the senior class), principal, senior counselor, graduation coach and college advisor. I had a coworker pick up some flowers on her way to work and spoke with the pres and vice and let them know what was up. It went over well and looked like this had been the plan all along. My principal was under the impression that the class president didn't know that she had to speak at the program. I assured her that she knew and let her know that I saw and approved the final draft of her speech on May 21, 2008 at 5:34 p.m. My principal was like oh I didn't think she knew. I looked at her like who are you dealing with? My ma phucking name is JayBee and I ain't no bullsh@t. If it's gonna have my name anywhere on it, it's gotta be right. She should have known better. I'm not sure who told her that the girl didn't know. Probably somebody hating on me trying to find a way to make me seem inept. How terribly unsuccessful they were. Thankfully that's all over. That's pretty much what I've been doing for the last couple of weeks. Trying to plan these two events and make sure that everything was covered and in order. The last two major things I am going to do is take the seniors to a theme park and purchase a gift for the school. Any ideas on what we should leave as a class gift?

Mini Hiatus

2008-05-19T17:23:00.005-06:00

I'm gonna post something soon. I have been incredibly busy and tired. This is "peak season" at work. I'm senior class advisor so I've been busy planning a breakfast/yearbook signing, a picnic/carnival and a trip to CaroWinds. As I mentioned early on, I'm such a procrastinator so you can just imagine how everthing is on me at one time. Lord, give me strength. Check out what I cooked last Friday. Yeah, a brotha can burn when he wants to. And this meal ain't even nothing.

Semantics

2008-05-09T15:39:00.006-06:00

I ran across a post at Torrance's site that made me decide to post this. I had been talking about it with other people, but wasn't gonna speak on it in this forum. It was weird when I read the post because this incident took place just three days prior to me reading his post. Talk about coincidence.

I was on the phone with my mother discussing my plans to move. I was debating whether I'd buy something when I move or move into an apartment for six months and then buy. I think I've decided to rent for the short while and use that time to find where I want to buy. I'm leaning toward purchasing a condo. I'm a county boy but I don't necessarily need a yard. I do not like yard work--never have. That's one of the ways they used to punish me when I was a child. Pulling weeds, cutting grass, raking--ugghhh. I hate yard work. Since I don't really want to maintain a yard, it would just be an added expense for me to have a yard because I'd have to pay someone to keep it up.

Rather than have to fool with that I'd just rather do a condo where I can have fulltime security, valet parking and a concierge on the premises. I'd much rather have those services than a yard any day of the week. To each his own. I shared this with my mother and mentioned that living in a condo would also prevent me from having to host a bunch of family events. That's what did it. She was like, why don't you want your family to come over. Blah blah blah and then she said it. She said, "You're so selfish."

I can't describe how taken aback I was by this erroneous statement. Never mind I've loaned my younger brother of $600 to help him out. I just gave my niece $50 to put toward her eighth grade trip to Washington, D.C. because my sister didn't have the rest of the money to cover the full cost of the trip. In addition, I just gave my mom $348.56 to pay her car note this month. She's actually a month ahead, but that was my Mother's Day gift to her. Selfish? I don't think a selfish person would do the things that I've done.

The only reason I mentioned the thing about not having to host family events is because I do not like people encumbering my time, family included. People in my family have a tendency to volunteer you to do stuff without your knowledge or consent. I ain't down wit' that. I remember in 1998 when him* volunteered us to host the family reunion at our ~~sprawling mansion~~ house. I was pissed because I knew that we'd be doing most of the work while him* took all the credit like him* had done something. And that's exactly what happened. Of course because more people were around him* was even more annoying than usual.

My mother must not understand fully how I feel about having grown up in that house. I'm going to have to have a sit down conversation with her about the damage that was done. That's why I don't go home. That's why I don't want to be bothered. No I ain't hosting sh@t. Just as sure as my name is JayBee, if I had a house with a yard, they would be volunteering my spot to be the designated meet up place/host site for family events. I've known these people for 26 years so I know how they get down. Rather than have an issue later about why I don't want to hold events, I thought I'd head any trouble off at the outset by making it known now that I'm not even feeling having a bunch of people running up and through my sh@t. If ya'll like to have people up and through your stuff, that's fine. Don't try to impose that on me and then get mad when I decide that I don't want to do it. That's that damned script again.

So anyway, after talking to my roommate, she told me that my mom probably just used the wrong word. Some might argue that's it's a question of semantics. I'd disagree. The realism is the two terms have completely different denotations. What she really meant to say was that she felt I was being self-centered. Now, I wouldn't argue with that. I do have a tendency to be self-centered/self-absorbed at times. I'm fully aware of that character issue and don't make apologies for it. Who else is gonna look out for me? I gotta take care of numero uno. That's not to say that I don't care about other people. I just really care a lot about what's important to me. Why do people use the two terms interchangeably? They do not mean the same thing. Honestly, I wouldn't have been offended at all if she had used the term self-centered as opposed to selfish. Clearly, I have demonstrated that I am not a selfish person. If I'm in a position to help you and I don't mind extended you a hand, I will.

UPDATE

So what's the difference between the two? You ask the hard questions. Being selfish has a completely negative connotation. I liken it to having a disdain for sharing. Seeking only self-satisfaction. To hell with everybody else. Being self-centered also has a negative connotation, but to me it’s no where near as egregious as being selfish. Self-centeredness is just what it sounds like. For a person who is like this, they consider self first. That doesn’t mean that they don’t consider others. They just have a natural inclination to make satisfying their needs a primacy before addressing the needs of others. The difference between the two is that a selfish person doesn’t give a phuck about other peoples’ needs. A self-centered person will meet the needs of others. Most of the time though, it can only happen after their own needs have been met.

Strangers in the Night

2008-05-06T13:25:00.000-06:00

I swear to you what you are about to read is the absolute realism.

One summer when we still lived in Little Town, USA, my cousin Tiffiany came to stay with us for about a week. She was closer to my older sister's age, but all of us including my brothers and I hung out and played together. She and my sister would play with Barbies a lot of the time and when all five of us would get together we'd watch movies, play cards or checkers or something like that. I can even remember us playing with jax. (Save all your comments/jokes).

We so enjoyed being around each other that we even all slept together. No, silly, not in the same bed. We'd be hard pressed to fit five people in one bed comfortably. Instead we would make a pallet on the floor with blankets and sheets and all fall asleep watching t.v. late into the night. The pallet would go in the den. The den opened to the other bedrooms and the dining room and kitchen area. The front door was in the den, but we mainly used the side door in the kitchen. At some point, presumably, my mom or him* would get up and turn the television off. I can't remember seeing them do that, but when we'd awake the next morning, it would always be off. You can imagine the five of us up talking, laughing, joking and watching t.v. I'm sure my mom or him* just waited until they heard the murmuring die down and then just came and shut the t.v. off.

This particular night we actually weren't really asleep. None of us were talking, but none of us were yet asleep. We saw two small figures--almost elf-like walk behind us from down the hallway, lift the covers off our feet, pause for a moment (that seemed like an eternity to us because we were frozen in fear), release the covers and then walk out the kitchen door. Before you think I was imagining things, let me hasten to say this event definitely took place. If I was imagining things, then so was my cousin and three siblings. Each of us can attest to what we saw. When we told mom and him* they were dismissive. That experience prepared me for the decision that was rendered in the Rodney King trial. It doesn't matter how many witnesses there are or if there is undeniable proof, sometimes the evidence will still be dismissed.

I know about the power of suggestion. It would be different if I claimed to have seen something and no one else was awake and then they attested to seeing it as well, after I had placed the thought in their heads. After hearing it constantly, they might subconsciously wish that they had the same experience so as to belong and then feel strongly that they had participated in the same sequence of events.

That moment after the creatures exited the door, there was an eerie silence for a little while and then one of us broke the silence with a question like, "Did ya'll see that." Almost in concert each of us indicated that we in fact saw the small creatures. What was so unreal is that if we were imagining things, I don't think we would have felt the sensation of the covers being lifted and the cold air that seeped under the covers as a result of them having been lifted clean off our feet.

Here are my questions to you. Do you have a weird experience with the unexplained? Do you have another explanation for what my cousin, siblings and I will swear to in court under penalty of perjury to have witnessed?

I mentioned before that I have a mild case of e.s.p. I'm only half serious but I definitely have deja vu experiences frequently and have dreamed things that took place subsequent to the dream.

Yes You Did

2008-05-02T14:20:00.000-06:00

How come when you call back numbers on your cell phone that you don't recognize sometimes the person on the other end swears that no one called? How in the world do you suppose I got this number on my cell phone if no one called? Somebody DID call. Even if it wasn't you, it was somebody. Today I called someone back and he told me that he hadn't made any calls in the last few hours and so it couldn't have been anyone. He asked me if I knew "Maya". I didn't know a Maya. My assumption is that Maya had his phone. He still didn't think anyone had called. What are the chances that I just randomly dialed some numbers just to mess with you about having called me? I'd rather people just say they don't know who called.

So That Makes Sense To You?

2008-05-01T05:02:00.001-06:00

Picture it. Sicily 1924. Oh wait, I'm getting my story confused with the way the grandma used to tell stories on the Golden Girls. Don't hate on the Golden Girls. That show was so damned funny. Actually, it was eighth grade year and we were getting ready to go on our class trip to Washington, D.C. I remember the trip cost $319 per person and of course you had to bring some spending money. We were gonna be in the city for five days four nights. The plan was to do all the touristy stuff the city had to offer.

I don't remember a whole lot of details about the trip. I do know that we had a helluva good time. We had coach transportation so the ride was comfortable. We watched movies, told jokes and reminisced about days gone by. Good times were had by all.

Anyway I had my lil $200 spending money. I decided that I was going to eat very cheaply all week and spend my money on me some name brand clothes. Growing up in my house at the time there were four children and two adults. My parents really, honestly couldn't afford to have four children. I'll never forget one day when we were in the car him* asked me if we (my siblings and I) wanted a little sister. I have two brothers and a sister so there were three boys and one girl. I was quick with my absolutely not reply. I told him* that he couldn't afford the children he already had. How was he gonna pay for another one? Although I was telling nothing but the sho nuff truth, this of course caused a small argument. Stop being so grown, blah blah blah. Disrespectful blah blah blah. I was thinking to myself, why ask a question if you don't want the answer? Even now when my friends and associates probe me for information I'll first ask them if they really want my opinion or if they want me to say what I perceive that they want to hear.

I almost forgot the point of that whole side story. The point is my peeps didn't really have it like that to be popping out any more babies. Plus, what's the guarantee that the next child would be a female. So far 3/4 kids have been male. Nikes and any other things with a recognizable label were not always things that we had the luxury of having. When we did get something we'd have to take excellent care of it because who knew when the next time was that you'd be able to have something else.

Like I said I ate cheap that week. There were even a couple meals built into the price of the trip so we weren't responsible for every single meal anyway. Everyone else was ordering some costly stuff for each meal but I fell back, because I knew I wanted to get myself a Tommy Hilfiger outfit. When it came time for the mall trip on the itinerary I did just that. I was so proud of my conquest. I couldn't wait to show my mom what I had purchased since they valued sacrifice. It seemed like that word was a constant theme in our house.

When I got back and showed her my outfit him* was present as well because it went down in their bedroom. Him* asked me how much I had spent. I don't remember the exact amount but it was somewhere around $130. Him*'s eyes got huge. He was like why would you be so selfish and spend $130 on one outfit. What about your brothers and sister? You could have stretched (another common word heard resonating in our house) that and got something for everybody. I was thinking to myself and I didn't say it that I thought the spending money was my spending money. I didn't realize that I was expected to shop for the neighborhood while I was away. If I had understood that I would have, but of course I would have needed more money because prior to leaving I had already decided what I was spending my money on. I rarely got to get name brand stuff so when I saw the chance to get me something I was definitely going to take advantage of it. Cancel those plans.

Him* decided that the following day, a Saturday, we would drive to the nearest Macy's and take back my purchase to get a refund. Then we'd drive back to Savannah and go to KidsWear and get outfits for me and my three brothers. I had a learner's permit so I did the driving. Mind you the nearest Macy's was 2.5 hours away. Back then gas was nowhere near what it is today, but I still didn't see how driving 2.5 hours to take back a $100 outfit was all that cost effective, not to mention the intangible cost of my time. That's about 7 hours of my life that I can't get back. Of course the stuff at KidsWear wasn't a recognizable name brand, but it was clean and I didn't look homeless. I think each of use got two outfits on that money.

When I told my best friend she laughed like no tomorrow. It became a running joke. "Shut up before I tell [him*] to take you to KidsWear." Even to this day we'll mention this incident in casual conversation from time to time and trip.

'ruth'

2008-04-30T07:05:00.000-06:00

Okay so this is really random and doesn't relate to anything, but it popped in my head as I was having a conversation with myself about someone else. Yeah, I talk to myself, but it's like thinking out loud. Nothing crazy about it. I've come across many people in my day who I would characterize as ruthless individuals. Let's deconstruct this word morphologically. Think back to middle school. The suffix -less means without. So the word ruthless means without ruth. Now what he heck does ruth mean? Have a great day.

Why Am I Blue?

2008-04-29T16:21:00.005-06:00

This just in: Don's post on Sunday was heads above the rest. Nothing but the truth! If you haven't read it, get over there and check it out. Now we continue with our regularly scheduled post.
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I'm just a country boy from the south who's him* is a preacher. We went to church on Sunday, Bible Study on Wednesday, service twice on Sundays for special programs, Vacation Bible School, Sunday School, Choir Rehearsal on Tuesdays, Easter practice--suffice it to say church was a big thing growing up. When I was younger I didn't really like going. Somewhere around age 14 or 15 I started liking to go to church. Even now I enjoy going. It's because I was able to develop a personal relationship with Him. It's really not so much about religion; it's more about having a relationship. Don't think that you have to do all that form and fashion stuff that people do at church under the pretense of being religious. If you have a relationship with Him, it'll show in your daily life. (If I'm preaching you can stand up and say Amen.) Have you ever encountered someone and you just felt like there was something different about them? Some sort of presence or an air about them that is hard to describe, but is very much so tangible. They had that it. Even if you can't describe or articulate what 'it' is, you know it's definitely something different. I submit to you that those are the people who truly are trying to walk the walk. Turn with me, to Proverbs the fifth chapter---just playing.

Anyway, church was a big deal. How do you find out more stuff that you can add to your church? You to go the church conference/convention in another state where a bunch of other church people get together and teach each other new buzz words and practices that are popular in their neck of the woods. It's like if no one in your church was speaking in tounges, if you go to the church conference and find out that that's what everybody else is doing, then when you come back to your home church you start doing it first and everyone thinks you've gotten closer to God and then they try to do it to because you're not gonna be closer to God than they are. Church people are like that. I've been around it all my life.

So this particular year we went to a church conference in Delaware. My parents already knew the pastor who was over the conference. I don't remember how they met, but they were already well acquainted. The conference might have lasted three days but we just stayed the rest of the time until Sunday where our church from home came to Delaware to have a joint service with the church in Delaware. Our church provided the music for that particular service.

The pastor and his wife were very hospitable. They introduced us to some of the members in the church who also entertained us during the week that we were there. My siblings and I ended up almost everyday hanging with this one family. Let's call them the Mitchells. The mom was so sweet and thoughtful. You should see her praise. She'd stand on her high heels and go from side to side like she's two stepping and make circular motions in the air with both her hands palms facing inward toward each other. The dad was a humble man, very mild mannered. He would shout like he was doing the funky chicken. There were two daughters in the family. One about 23 and one about 16. I'm around age 16 at the time. So yeah I wanted to get at the 16 year old. Let's call her Jennifer. (That was actually her real name). In order to get a girl to notice you on the 'church circuit' you have to act like you're really into church. Each night after the conference there is a evening service that starts around 6 or 7. What we (the guys) would do is find a girl who you like. When they call for the altar prayer, we'd go down front and get special prayer. That would encourage the girls to come down front and stand with you for moral support. If you got a girl to come down and stand with you, then she was yours. Other tactics included crying during the service. That whole "I'm sensitive" thing worked oh so well on those ~~fast ass~~ wholesome church girls. You only needed to shed a tear though if you were in her direct line of sight. If you couldn't be sure that she could see you, there's no point in crying.

So anyway, the Mitchells would come and get us during the week and we'd go to the beach or out to eat or to their home. One particular afternoon we went to one of the Mitchell's friends house. We were left alone and the adults went to town to shop or something. So at the house was me, my two brothers, and Jennifer. The adults trusted us to just play video games and hang out and whatnot. Where was Beyonce then? *singing* You must not know 'bout me..*end singing* When they left I was like, yes!! Let's paint a picture. I'm 16. She's 16. We're home with no adults. And you want us to just play video games? Uh...okay. If that helps you sleep at night. If all we ended up doing was playing video games, it wouldn't be for lack of trying to engage in other, more gratifying activities.

At first we were all downstairs because that's where the video game setup was. My brothers were 14 at the time and were heavily into video games. I still played but that was not what I had planned to use that time for. I started my plan. I asked Jennifer to show me the rest of the house--mainly the upstairs. She agreed. So we looked in the people's bedroom and at the other rooms upstairs. We went into one of the bedrooms to just chill. I asked her what she wanted to do. She's like I don't know. I'm thinking to myself, well I have an idea. Before I jumped into anything I was trying to figure out how much she had done at this point in her life. So I asked some probing questions. Basically I determined that she was a virgin and was scared to take the leap. I didn't even press that issue. I decided that I should just seek some oral pleasure.

I asked her to do it. She acted like I asked her to slap her mom. She started on this tirade about how she thinks that's nasty and blah blah blah. I was blowed, but more than that I couldn't think straight or clearly because a good bit of the blood that oxygenates my brain had rushed elsewhere. I was hornier than a mug! It was so bad it was about to start hurting. I needed to skeet bad as hell. At this point I'm thinking to myself why the hell would you follow me upstairs if you gonna be acting crazy? This ain't Flip That House. I don't give phuck about what the house looks like. I'm getting desparate at this point. I'm still trying to convince her. I'm bargaining for smaller increments of time like saying just for a few minutes and stuff like that. Still a no go. I needed to be touched so badly that I made a last ditch offer for her to just let me put it on her neck. I don't know where that came from but I just needed to touch something. I was so brick and horny I might've skeeted on her neck as soon as it made contact. She wasn't feeling that either. Needless to say I was deeply disturbed. Good thing we didn't really jump off into anything because it wasn't long after that the adults returned. They questioned us as to why we were upstairs and not downstairs with the boys. We gave some flimsy answer and all was forgiven.

On the ride back home (Ms. Mitchell was driving me and my brothers back to our hotel. About a 40 minute ride) Jennifer asked me if I was mad at her. My reply was simply, "Don't talk to me." I mean, how you gonna play with a sixteen year old boy's horniness like that?

In case you read this, Jennifer, you owe me. You got off the hook that time. Maybe that's why some people end up (finish my thought).

Oh yeah, the thing yesterday, I cussed (cursed) somebody out at work. I have absolutely never cursed someone out. I always say stuff like, "I ought to curse him/her out", but i'm never really serious. First time for everything.

Forgive Me

2008-04-28T18:47:00.001-06:00

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I always mention it in causal conversation. I've threatened to do it before, but I was never serious. Today I actually went there. I can't believe I did it. She shouldn't have pushed my buttons. That's still no excuse. Maybe I'll apologize tomorrow. Maybe not. She kinda deserved it, but that still does not justify my behavior. I usually don't let things bother me, but she caught me at the wrong time. I guess it was just a matter of time before it happened. Words have power. Having romanticized it in the past, I gave life to that deplorable wont. On some level I'm ashamed. Though I carry myself with piety, my behavior today was sanctimonious. Inexcusable. Inexplicable. So out of character. It was like an out-of-body experience. Maybe the next time she'll keep her dang mouth shut, so that it won't happen again. Actually, no, that's the wrong way to look at it. I'm the only person who can control my behavior. It's really not her fault. I did it because I wanted to. The dragon within was incensed and awakened and spewed a venom so potent that she left like a wounded lamb. She almost had to be carried out. It was her brazeness that made it so harsh. I wonder what my supervisor is going to say.

Real post coming tomorrow I think.

Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!

2008-04-27T09:05:00.001-06:00

Remember the friend, and I use the term loosely, who I wrote about who tells these ridiculous lies? No? Okay, maybe not if you're new, but that just means it's time for you to do your homework. Dig in the archives. I was reading some stuff from last year (and I realized I missed my blogiversary) and I had my own self laughing. Some of the stuff made me mellow, but it allowed me to see where I was and where I am now.

Let's call this friend Angel. She went to Minnesota to stay with her boyfriend's family. To me that's pretty serious stuff. You're going 1000+ miles away from home to live with your significant other's folks for about two months in their house. Well while they were there she'd call me from time to time just to let me know how things were going and whatnot. Most of the time I'd ig her calls because if I'm not in the mood to hear a bunch of stuff that I don't find credible or relevant I just won't take your call. Sometimes if I know you're gonna tell me a bunch of lies and I'm not in the mood to hear a bunch of lying, that might get your call ignored as well. Hear me clearly. I like to be entertained, so many times I'll take the call just so I can see how many lies she's going to tell this time or see if I can get her to change/modify/enhance a story that she's already told me before. I know she's a chronic liar, but every now and then just to be JayBee I'll call her on a lie and watch her squirm and try to back peddle and use a conjuncting lie (just made that up) to try to make all the divergent stories converge.

At some point over the course of these two months or so she called me and told me her boyfriend, hereinafter Wayne, was being controlling and mean to her. She claimed he didn't want her going out during the day by herself. Mind you he had to work during the day along with his parents so basically that left her home alone with nothing to do. I guess she could watch t.v. and vacuum but how much of that can one person do before they are bored out of their mind? This went on for a while and on one of the calls she told me she went out during the day without his knowledge and he found out. Well that caused an argument that turned physical. Because of her noncompliance with his directive he told her from now on she'd stay in the basement while they were away at work. The basement locked at the top of the stairs so basically she was a prisoner in their home.

After the lockup she'd call me whispering telling me what was going on. Sometimes she'd abruptly hang up the phone and call back in a few minutes and say things like she thought she heard someone coming. I left this out. Somewhere in all this mess he told her she wasn't to talk on the phone while she was alone either so that's why she was whispering.

Here's what's wrong with the whole my-boyfriend-abused-me-and-locks-me-in-the-basement story. First of all, if someone has become physical with you and you choose to stay, there ain't no need of telling anyone about it. The persons with whom you share your story are going to look at you like you're crazy especially if that someone is me. I know the damaging affects of abuse. I can in nowise condone you staying in that situation waiting on it to happen again. I am a 99.8275% firm believer in the if it happened once it'll happen again thing. Maybe 0.1725% of the time there might be an exception.

There has already been a word coined in the English language that labels the concept of someone holding you somewhere against your will. It's called kidnapping. If you expect me to believe your story, keeping in mind that your credibility with me is zero, why the phuck are you calling me? I'm hundreds of miles away. Call the freaking police. They are the ones who are trained to deal with situations like this. Not me. I'm just a school teacher.

If Wayne has you locked up, why the hell did he just not take the phone out the basement? In that way he could ensure that you had no contact with the outside world. Unless he thought you were scared to death of him, why be so brazen as to risk you calling the police or your family or JayBee who could give a phuck less (if you've never heard that expression, it's worse than not giving a [whole] phuck; it's less than a phuck)?

Unless his parents are from Venus, I don't think they would condone their son locking you in a basement for nine hours a day. When he let you out of the dungeon, I'm thinking dinner time, you never once said anything to his peeps about what Wayne was doing to you everyday?

Of course not, Angel, because it was all a lie. And just like the other gross lie, (if you didn't click the link read the other story) it made absolutely no sense. There were too many holes and unanswered questions. It's actually kinda insulting when someone tells you a lie and hasn't taken the time to think through all the questions they might be asked so as to develop plausible answers. It's like oh, so you think I'm as stupid as you, huh? Surely you don't believe down in your tortured soul that I believe this crap. Let's say it was true and I'm totally off on thinking you're being untruthful. You should have called Ghostbusters. They're real too.

Close Call

2008-04-23T17:52:00.003-06:00

What do you do when you leave the club late at night and have nothing else to do? Before you go grab something to eat with ya peeps you get someone arrested. Whuh? Ya’ll didn’t do that? Oh, so it was just me and my friends? Well, here’s what happened anyway.

A group of five of us decided to go out. We chose this mixed crowd club in downtown. The thing I liked about this spot was it wasn’t as hot as the sweatboxes that we usually go to were and you didn’t have to worry quite as much about bouncers/popos coming through the party cause somebody done started some ish. If you don’t know, and I’m not generalizing this is a fact, white girls love to dance on a pole, especially if they’re drunk. Talk about laughing and having a good time watching them drunk white girls make their best attempts at twerking. You could find a couple of nice ones who have some melanin too. Good times to be had by all.

Anyway after we left the spot this particular night we were driving around downtown because were started to hit one more club before we called it and got something to eat. You know how downtown they have those one way streets and stuff and you have to go over a block or two and loop back up to get where you’re going? I mean, it’s like that in a lot of the cities that I’ve vistited. So yeah we were navigating and saw this white boy in the middle of the street. From what I remember he was about 5’9” 150 lbs with some matted brown hair. Nothing that really stands out. Twan was driving and said casually, “I’m bout to act like I’ma hit ‘em.” Although he said it casually everybody knew, well at least I knew, that he was definitely going to make good on his statement.

He accelerated and slowed down when he got close to the guy. I think he waited a little long to start decelerating but I guess that was to make the ‘scare’ more real. The white guy—let’s call him Scott, doesn’t flinch. He stands there in an altered state of consciousness and then begins to verbally assault us. He let’s loose a string of expletives and like a tree planted by the rivers of waters lets us know that he shall not be moved. This of course pisses Twan off so he backs up and says this time he’s not gonna stop. I’m like oh hell. What in the world? I hope Twan doesn’t hit this dude. I don’t remember what we were saying in the car to Twan but everybody was kinda indignant that Scott didn’t move from in front of the speeding vehicle since he was after all standing in the middle of the street. I mean it was late at night like 2 a.m. and even though there’s very little traffic, when you see cars you need to Ludacris.

Twan puts the car in drive and picks up speed towards Scott. Even though it wasn’t that long of an amount of time it seemed like a while because we continued to get closer to him and I didn’t feel the car slowing down. Eventually I was like slow down man don’t hit him or something like that. Twan was like no this ma phucka needs to move. Twan slams on brakes when it’s almost too late and the car appeared that it was still gonna tap Scott. In a fit of desperation and seeing that his life was probably about to take a turn for the worse, Scott jumped in the air and landed on the hood of Nesi (Twan’s nickname for his Nissan Sentra), ran up the windshield onto the roof of the car and made a dismount once he reached the trunk. When he stepped on the roof of the car the roof caved in near my head. I felt like I was in danger because he could have stepped on top of my head and hurt my neck or something. It was at this point that I felt Scott had gone too far.

It was clear to us that Scott used his spare time to partake of some of the sniffable organic stuff that the plants on God’s green earth provide. This dude was stoned—I mean so high it didn’t make any sense. Twan was silent. Not a good sign. He and I are alike in that regard. As long as I’m still ~~bitching at~~ talking to you, I still care and you still have a chance to win me over. If I stop talking leave it alone. All hell could potentially break lose cause at this point I no longer give a phuck. Twan broke his silence and was like oh phuck no. This ma phucka done walked on Nesi. He put the car in reverse so that he could get out the middle of the street. Meanwhile Scott is kinda meandering in the street all the while shouting more curse words and pretending that we were trying to hit him. Clearly stoned.

Twan exits stage right from the driver’s door to go to his trunk. Still on stage (inside the car) we’re all discussing what just happened and how wrong Scott was for jumping on the car yada yada. Twan is loading his gun. Right about this time a police officer drives by. I beat on the back window to alert Twan and he slowly closes the trunk. Mike gets out of the car to flag the officer down, who I’m sure was gonna come over anyway to see why these black dudes and a white dude were in the street with the white dude shouting at the group of black dudes. Twan approaches the officer and tells him how the guy just ran up on the hood of the car.

Scott is standing near too so he’s trying to over talk Twan and keeps telling this ridiculous story about us trying to hit him and all this nonsense. By this time I’m out of the vehicle too because I feel like a victim cause he stepped near my head. I suggest to the officer that I think the guy is high and needs to be tested. I mean I don’t know much about drugs but I wanted to plant the seed if it wasn’t clear to the officer that this dude is on something. The officer didn’t respond to what I said. I don’t know if it was because it was already obvious to him or if he didn’t agree with me. The officer is trying to get the whole story and Scott gets so loud and obnoxious that the officer has to cuff him and put him in the back of the police car.

At some point during this whole information gathering session T took Scott’s shoe and dropped it down a storm drain. The shoe came off when he ran on top of the car. Scott saw T drop the shoe down the drain and became even more loud and belligerent and told the officer that T dropped the shoe down the drain. When the officer shifted his focus to the car to see if there was any truth to Scott’s assertion, T acted indignant. He was like what shoe? What are you talking about? That sent Scott over the edge. He started hollering even more and eventually kicked the window out the back of the police car with his shoeless foot. Only a stoned out fool would do some ish like that.

The realism is that that’s just what we needed to convince the officers that Scott’s story was bogus about the attempted hitting and to believe that he was high. That could have went either way because from the officer's point of view there were five black dudes and one white dude. It could have appeared that we were doing something wrong. The officer was like he’s definitely going downtown now for destruction of property. The officer dismissed us and said he’d handle it from there. We drove off relieved that everything went our way and grinning because we definitely were culpable in what happened. What did we do next? Waffle House foo! Nothing like some omelets, orange juice and laughs to end the night. Especially since none of us left the club with anyone.

Update

2008-04-21T21:16:00.000-06:00

The work stalker, as Rashan so eloquently put it, just texted me to tell me he purchased a phone just like mine. Oh brother.

Tag - You're It

2008-04-21T19:51:00.001-06:00

I'm a tag virgin, but Pocahontas tagged me. Since her hair is so luxurious right now, I had no choice but to oblige.

Here are the rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you…

2. Mention the rules in your blog…

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

Here are some unspectacular quirks about JayBee:

1. One of my pet peeves is hearing people mispronounce words. If you want to raise my ire just say aks instead of ask. If you committed this cardinal sin of mispronunciation, someone I used to know would say, “If you aks me I’ll die, but if you ask me I can answer.”

2. I’m allergic to shellfish. I’ve never been able to successfully ingest anything with a shell on it. When I’ve attempted in the past I gag horrendously and my throat sometimes swells.

3. I do not like excessive amounts of noise. The only exception is when I’m hanging out. Sometimes even then I think the noise level inside clubs and bars is too much. In the classroom any noise other than the calming sound of my voice is not welcome. That includes, but is not limited to, talking, tapping, beating, sniffling, coughing, laughing, etc.

4. I’ve only been in love twice. You know they say the third time’s a charm. Maybe the next time it happens I’ll be crowning the future Mrs. JayBee. That is of course if everything checks out (including the credit score).

5. I’m a mild control freak. I don’t like for other people to drive because I think I do it better, plus I trust myself more than you. I don’t like to be absent too much from work because I don’t trust anyone else to do my job as well as I. I pretty much like people to agree with me even if they don’t agree. I reward people when they do just as I’d like them to.

6. When I go to funerals I give “awards” for most dramatic presentation. No, I don’t relish in peoples’ grief. I just like to be entertained. I like the you-ain’t-dead-daddy-take-me-with-you type performances. At my grandmother’s funeral no one really ‘showed out’ as we like to call it. If I had the day to relive, it would be acting a monkey fool at the funeral. I’m so serious. At the recessional when the funeral was over I did start to grab at the casket when it rolled by just to set it off. I didn’t do it. I wish I had.

So there ya have it. Some uninteresting quirks about me. I’m tagging:

Chris, The girl that I never had, [Pop That]Cherry, This Crazy Monkey, Da Vinci, and M.E. – maybe she’ll post something now

[You're Doing It] Again

2008-04-20T12:04:00.003-06:00

Don't you just love Again by John Legend? Just got off the highway. I got another speeding ticket. This time it was for 82 in a 65. Okay. See that's reasonable. No I'm not happy about the ticket, but at least I can understand this one. I didn't say much this time because I was hoping that he'd feel sorry for me and let me go. He didn't let me go but he did reduce the price of the ticket from $175 to $76. Keep in mind the ticket for five miles over is $155.Here's what I thought about. If I'm gonna spend $130 in gas and pay about $100 for a speeding ticket when I drive, then it would be the same as me purchasing a plane ticket. The only thing is I'd have to rent a car once I arrive. The alternative of course is to slow my azz down, but that's probably not gonna happen. I wonder how many points I have on my license. I might need to go to driving school to see if I can get some of those points shaved off my record.Can we all get together and buy JayBee a radar detector?

Anyway, that's not the point of this post. How do you tactfully tell someone to leave you the heck alone? There's someone on my job who has attached themselves to me without my consent. Everytime I look around I'm getting an unsolicited phone call or text message. I know you say, well JayBee you must have given out your number. You'd be correct. I did. I was just being polite though. When I give someone my number I'm not looking for them to call all the time, especially not at first.*Insert quick English lesson. "A lot" is two words.* You know how when you're starting a friendship with someone sometimes you talk a whole lot and at first and then it fizzles and sometimes things take time to build before they really pick up. Well, this person has created this alternate reality where it's like we've known each other for a long time and I still feel like I don't know him. *notice the pronoun--I did that for ya'll who relish the details* He'll invite me to hang out and I'm like giving him the brush off. When I finally agree to hang out, it's like it becomes front page news. Why you got to run around the job telling people that we hung out or letting it "slip" in casual conversations with other people that we're supposed to be doing something?

I don't have to tell people on my job what my plans are after work. Why do you feel the need to do so? On top of that you make sure that you find a way to be in my face at least twice a day. I mean, ma phucka teach something. Let me do my job and that'll free you up so that you can do your job.

What I resent is when he's running around telling people that we went this place or that place it makes it seem like there's this buddy buddy friendship thing going on and it's clearly not that deep for me. What's lost in translation when he's recounting tales of when we hung out or whatever is how many times I said no before I finally, reluctantly agreed to go anywhere in public with you. It just makes it seem like to others, and we know that JayBee doesn't seek or need external validation, that we're just super cool and in this thing together. That's simply not the context of our relationship. I see you as a colleague. You cannot force a friendship. Am I culpable? Yes, absolutely. Perhaps I did not demarcate the boundary lines in such a way as so be clear just how far I intended to engage him.

I'm annoyed when I walk down the hall and you pop up Again. I'm annoyed when I'm teaching and you interrupt to let me know that you have something to tell me later Again. JUST TELL ME LATER (or don't cause I won't give a phuck anyway). I try to be polite, so I guard my body language and that's perhaps why he doesn't understand that I'm just not feeling this whole trying to be cool thing like he is. I don't need anymore people in my circle (not with all my blog buddies!). I just wanna go to work (not really but I have to), do my job and go the heck back home.

In other news, I saw Tyler Perry's play The Marraige Counselor. Thought it was entertaining. That same Tyler Perry formula, but hey, it works for him. It was my first time going to see one of those live plays. So good to see all my peoples out and about having a good time and not having any arguments. Such a far cry from the night before across town when I heard there was a shooting at that fashion show thing at the Compound. Glad I didn't roll over there.

Yesterday

2008-04-18T07:03:00.004-06:00

In case you haven't heard, there was another celebrity sighting last night at the Copelands in Buckhead. You must not watch the news. JayBee was in the place last night! The media frenzy was unreal. No one was taking photos of me walking into the spot, but once I got on the inside the camera flashes didn't stop. Damned paparazzi! I was famished because I went to work and then drove to the area without eating or drinking anything. If any of the ATL area bloggers were in the area don't feel cheated. You wouldn't have been able to get in. The crowd swelled after I got there. Maybe some other time.

Here's where a part of the celebrity treatment falls apart. They took forever and a day to come and take my order. I was seated in the bar area but not at the counter facing away from the bar. The dude behind the bar straight acted like he was super busy. Finally I had to pull someone and tell them my I-just-drove-300+-miles-story so that someone would come over and hopefully expedite this whole thing. After all, I didn't want to have to keep taking pictures or sign any more damned autographs.

It so happens that this guy named Antwan hosts a networking event at this spot every Thursday for black professionals. Before I found out what was going on, I couldn't figure it out. I was observant. I noticed people carrying gift bags. I noticed women and men approaching the dude in charge and exchanging greetings. I saw a woman with upholstery swatches or maybe they were curtain fabric or something. I was thinking that maybe someone was getting married and buying a home and they called together some vendors to help them make their selections. I was way off.Anyway when curiosity got the best of me I asked a lady who was seated a couple of chairs down from me. She filled me in on all the details and introduced me to the dude in charge. I didn't even ask for all that, but there's nothing like that southern hospitality.

At some point after I finally began to replenish my strength with some sustenance, I was joined at the bar by this dark skinned cutie. Definitely fit the profile, with long hair to boot. We talked about why she was in town and why I was in town, about her ~~irresponsible behavior~~ son and a host of other things. We probably chatted for about two hours in between she and I both taking calls on our phones. I enjoyed the conversation but wasn't pressed so as I was preparing to leave I casually mentioned that maybe she and I would run into each other again at this event, since we're both planning a move in the summer. She didn't seem receptive to that. I guess because she felt like it was too risky to leave it to chance, so she asked me for my number. Is this standard practice? I'm still not 100% over the way things went down with her, so I'm not really "on the scene", but I didn't know women were asking dudes for their number--especially an attractive woman who I'm positive could have a slew of dudes.

Fib

2008-04-15T18:37:00.002-06:00

Shakespeare said a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. This is about whether something is a lie. I wrote fib. Remember when you couldn't say lie as a youngster?

Is there such a thing as a lie of omission? A colleague and I disagreed on the point. I said if you choose to leave something out, that’s not a lie. It is an omission but not a lie. To me telling a lie is an active thing. Failing to mention something is more passive. I concede that it might be deceitful, but it, in my opinion is not the same thing as willfully telling a lie. Basically, I had to do an interview about my supervisor. I said some things in the interview that could be considered a stretch. I didn’t tell any lies, but I certainly didn’t show my principal in a bad light either. Although there are things that I don’t agree with sometimes, I chose not to let that be the focus of the dialogue between the interviewer and I.

The interviewer is working on an advanced degree and needed to interview people on the qualities of an effective principal. Anyway, like I said I just chose to focus on the positives. Think of it as journalistic spin. However, my colleague maintained that in not telling about the negatives, which I really don’t have a whole lot of problems with my supervisor, that I was lying. What upset me most is that I absolutely do not like anyone attacking my character. Your good name is all that you have. Plus another one of my mantras is, “If I can’t believe everything you say, then I can’t believe nothing you say.” I truly believe that. What bothered me most is in knowing that I believe the aforementioned, then that gives her cause to disbelieve anything else that comes out of my mouth. It’s not so much that I need her validation. As a matter of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s just that for many people perception becomes reality, hence the phrase perception is reality. I don’t want her or anyone else’s perception of me to change. I absolutely cannot be associated with lying. I’m a lot of things; a liar is not one of them.

Merriam-Webster defines a lie as: a: an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker to be untrue with intent to deceive b: an untrue or inaccurate statement that may or may not be believed true by the speaker

Based on the definition, failing to include information is not a lie. It is, as I have admitted deceitful. Merriam-Webster defines deceit as: to cause to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid.

Some people may argue that this is semantics. There is however, I think, a difference between a not revealing everything or holding something back and telling an out and out lie. Plus I had a vested interest in doing what I did. It is not appropriate to tell bad stuff about your supervisor. I’m the type of person that I like to handle things in house. So, if I have a problem with you, I’ll step to you and let you know so that we can work it out. More likely than not, I would never put you on blast in front of “company.”

Thoughts?

Untitled

2008-04-12T15:31:00.007-06:00

Only three others share this secret, our friends the Sorceress, Man-At-Arms and Orko. Together we defend Castle Grayskull from the evil forces of---oh wait, I just had a HeMan flashback. Seriously though not a lot of people know what I'm about to share. It is our life experiences, environment and level of exposure to sundry things that shape who we are, influence how we behave, and provide a framework from which to draw expressions used in common vernacular. One of my expressions is "I don't hook for free." Let's examine where that came from.

************************

Lisa was my skinny aunt who was maybe fifteen or sixteen at the time. I was roughly five or six. I wish I had some baby pictures on hand from that age. I was so cute! Anyway, not the point of the story. Actually Lisa wasn't really my blood aunt. She was my grandfather's adopted daughter. Rumor had it that she was actually another man's child but he adopted her anyway. My grandfather and Lisa's mother had three other daughters together, but Lisa was always rumored to the illegitimate child of Deloris, Lisa's and my other aunts' mom. Everybody engaged her like they did everyone else because for sure the four girls were sisters even if her paternity was in question.

We stayed in a small town in southeast Georgia. The population was 702 at the 2000 U.S. Census. That small. There was a set of railroad tracks that separated the "sides" of town. My granddaddy's property was about 2.5 acres and had two houses on it. We lived in one house and he lived in the other one. Since the houses were only yards apart sometimes we ate dinner at either house. It was not uncommon for my mom to cook at our house and then walk down and cook at my grandfather's house. Mind you, he had four daughters living with him, but my mom would still cook over there sometimes. He was particularly fond of her potato salad and pig feet. Yeah, that kinda country.

I don't remember exactly when it happened, but it happened over a period of time. When I would come inside from being outside playing or when Lisa would come outside to get me from playing we'd go "make up granddaddy's bed." That was the name assigned to the deed. What it really meant was we were going to go in granddaddy's bedroom and hunch, at first. Then it progressed to me having to take off my clothes and attempt to penetrate her. She guided me though the process of how to "make a woman feel good." What a foolish proposition to think that a 5-6 year old boy could make a teenager, much less a woman, feel anything.

I knew absolutely nothing about any of the other mechanics necessary to engage in copulation. I can remember her becoming annoyed when it would slip out and she'd have to put it back in. The realism is that you can see how that could happen at 5-6 years old. If I didn't seem into it she also become annoyed. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I was young.

It didn't always just happen when we were home alone. Sometimes my grandfather would be in the front room asleep. He slept so hard because he worked at a factory and did hard labor. She would usually put the night stand in front of the door to prevent anyone from barging in on us. After a while I began to tell her that I didn't want to do that anymore. Each subsequent time she would tell me that it would be the last time and that she was going to buy me some Ruffles Sour Cream and Cheddar potato chips and a Sprite. These happen to be some of my favorite junk food snacks even now. She even told me that my younger brothers didn't mind making up granddaddy's bed with her and that she had already bought them their chips and soda. In my ignorance I reluctantly agreed to continue with hopes of securing my prize for my obedience.

Like Chinua Achebe entitled one of his books, "Things Fall Apart." We had no reasons to expect anything to go wrong because we had gotten away with it for so long. Notice the pronoun shift. Even though I was young, I knew this was wrong. I did not try to stop it. I could have told my parents, yet I let it persist. The last time it happened my mother came down the hall pushed the door slightly, felt the resistance of the night stand, but was able to peer into the room and see what was going on. I know she got a full eye view because I would see her eyes through the crack. I was scared and nervous as hell, because I knew this wasn't going to be pretty. I'll skip the details on the fall out but I'll say it included a belt, a knife, some blisters and closer monitoring.

To top it all off I still didn't get my chips and soda. When people ask me to do something and I remark, "I don't hook for free," this is where that saying came from. I don't like to be taken advantage of. I like to know what you're going to be able to do for me before I put myself out. Some people might think this extremely crude that I would make light of this situation. To the contrary, I just can't profit anything from dwelling on the past. I allowed myself to be abused for the promise of some goods in return. That's pretty much was hooking/prostitution is. I remember the first time I said it to my supervisor when I agreed to be chair of the leadership team. She was looking at me like she had no clue what I was talking about. For a brief moment I thought I had gone too far, but after I asked her if I was going to get an extended contract, she came back (she looked out of it for a second) and told me yes. I mean, the situation is different because I was a child, but it's pretty much the same. I don't have any hard feelings toward her and I think I'm pretty well adjusted. Prior to reading this, would you have ever guessed?

The subject of child molestation, especially among black families is taboo, but happens so much more often that most care to think about or admit.

Off the subject, but what is it about saying, "This shouldn't leave this room," or "Don't tell anybody," that makes people just run and tell whatever you asked them to not tell? I know that usually when people say that to me, I interpret it as only tell the one person who you always tell stuff. Sometimes though depending on the seriousness of the issue it really means don't tell anyone at all. A situation happened this past week on the job when we were in a meeting and asked to not divulge what had been discussed. It got out and I had people coming up to me on Friday asking about what was said at the meeting--including the building principal. Why can't people keep their mouths closed?

Adolecent Ignorance--Actually, We Were In College

2008-04-07T20:08:00.000-06:00

We were bored so we decided to get off campus and see what we could get into. Although we were all 20+ we decided to go (word we buried)-knocking. In case you’re not familiar with this, you just run up to people’s homes, knock on the door or beat on the window really hard, run off somewhere where you can see them and they can’t see you and laugh when they come to the door looking for whomever they thought was at the door. Sounds right foolish when you put it on paper, but for us it was amusing. So that was the plan this particular Thursday night, which is college night at one of the local haunts, but we decided we weren’t in the mood for that.

We headed to Teon’s house since he was a native and parked. We chose to walk a few streets over from where he lived so we’d be somewhere we people in the neighborhood might not know who he was and tell his mom. We began knocking on doors and running. It was all good until this one dude didn’t think it was funny and he fired a gun in the air. It was just a warning shot, but it scared the hell out of me. The sight of the spark that the gun made in the still of that crisp autumn night is forever indelibly etched in my mind. Think I didn’t show Carl Lewis up that night? I ran like it was no tomorrow. All three of us did. When we stopped running we huddled on a street near a wooded area to catch our breath and to each express how frightening it was to hear and see the flicker of that gun. This is not the first time we had engaged in behavior like this, but this was the first time someone fired a shot. The most someone had ever done up until this day was throw something through their window. That particular night when we walked off, we were laughing like, that’s their dumb azz cause they gotta fix that window.

Anyway, that night after we caught our breath we still hadn’t had enough, but we decided to table the (word we buried)-knocking for the night. At the time not too far from the wooded area where we huddled the land was being prepared for construction. You know how they push that dirt around for like 2 months before you actually see any pipes in the ground or concrete blocks? Yeah, that’s what it looked like. Behind that was an old folks home that had already been built. There was one of those big dump trucksout there. Antwan decided to get in the truck (at me and Teon’s behest) and start it up and run it into the old folks’ home. Someone had left the keys in the truck so that’s how he was gonna be able to start it. He tried to turn the engine over like three times but he couldn’t get it to come on. It would make the sound like it was going to crank, but it wouldn’t completely fire. Apparently, the people in the old folks home were watching us because we saw the blinds flutter and soon heard sirens.

We ran like hell across the dirt that was there for the grocery store and into the wooded area that we huddled at earlier. There were like three cop cars because we saw the blue lights as we were dipping off in the woods. Of course I think I’m smarter than the police so I was like we need to run in the water so in case they have dogs they will lose our scent. Let a joker watch one episode of Matlock. Anyway, we heard footsteps that were not our own. We figured the police were on foot trying to scare us. There weren’t probably really gonna traipse through the woods to find us but they were definitely gonna try to rattle us. But me, I’m not gonna be rattled—even when I’m in the wrong. To a fault I can be wrong and strong and think nothing of it. We were navigating the woods but being ever so careful as not to make too much noise. We were signally each other and all trying to make sure that we all made it out of this thing safely. Eventually we no longer heard the additional footsteps so we figured the coast was clear. We ran up out of the woods and got back on the main street. (Ladynaynay this happened on the corner of Rock Quary and Raleigh Blvd just as a point of reference.)

Me still over analyzing things and thinking that I was “on the run” suggested that we all switch shirts and try to make ourselves look different in case the po-po rolled past looking for three black guys who fit our description. The realism is that if they did roll past they still would have known that it was us, but in my mind I thought I was one-upping the man. We just needed take our azzes home and do some studying.

Once we got back to T’s house we did ride back up to the scene of the crime and the police were still there. There was only one car now, but we really felt like we had beaten the man. We rolled on the Waffle House, (by the way if you don’t know bout the Waffle House shame one you) got a bite to eat and tripped about the events of the day.

Are You Serious?

2008-04-06T15:20:00.004-06:00

So I'm on my way to see a friend of mine in Durham. We hadn't seen each other in about three months which is rather unusual for us. I was supposed to arrive at 3:30 at the meet up spot but I didn't end up leaving my house til after three and the drive is about forty minutes. It was a little rainy but the drive was going well. A state trooper appeared from out of nowhere and everybody slowed down in homage to the blue lights. Me, as long as I'm not doing anything crazy I'm pretty much gonna maintain my flow. The trooper was in the passing lane and I was behind him. He tapped his brakes and I slowed up and got in the right lane. I was doing about 70 and my car slightly inched ahead of his. Here go the dang lights.

I rode for a minute making faces at him in my rear view mirror, indicative of my shock that he would pull me over. When I came to a stop he started shouting something at me over the loudspeaker. I couldn't understand what he was saying and he just kept shouting the same inaudible command. I thought he was telling me to get off my cell phone but I wasn't talking on it. Finally I was able to make out "bridge" so I figured that he wanted me to pull a little more forward so that we could both be off the bridge. Once I stopped again, he got out and started with the police 101 talk.

Him: Is there any reason why you're going so fast?
Me: I'm only going 70.
Him: Well the speed limit is 65. I'm a state trooper and you were going to pass me.
Me: (indignant-thinking to myself who gives a phuck; you got a car just like i do. cars are meant to go)Who does that?
Him: (frown on his face because he didn't understand)Huh?
Me: Who gives people tickets for going 5 miles over the speed limit?
Him: The speed limit is 65. And why were you on my bumper. Is there any reason why you were following so closely?
Me: I didn't think I was that close.
Him: You were too close. When I tapped my brakes you slowed down.
Me: I slowed down because I thought someone in front of you was slowing down.
Him: License and registration.
Me: (I pause and act like I don't know where my information is and reach in the glove box and hand it to him, but not before I add this)I'm late getting somewhere. Can you expedite this?
Him: (no response just looks and walks to his car)

I whip out the cell phone to tell Tonya that I'm going to be late because I got pulled over. Of course Captain Redneck takes his time writing my ticket. He was probably trying to run my name through all 50 states to see if there was anything he could get me on. If this had been a year ago, he would have been successful. I'm completely legit now. Gots all my papers. When Captain Redneck has returned he gives me the ticket for $155 and tells me my court date, yada yada yada. As he turns to leave we dialogue again.

Me: Let me say this to you.
Him: (He pauses and puts his head back down to the passenger side window)
Me: When you were shouting at me through the loud speaker I couldn't understand what you were saying. I thought you were trying to tell me to get off my phone but I wasn't on the phone. I was very nervous because I don't know if you watch t.v. where you live but I do. I know what white men with guns do to black men when they get stopped and I didn't want you to shoot me.
Him: I wouldn't shoot you unless you shot at me.
Me: (ignoring that b.s. and annoyed at being interrupted)Your tone was very aggressive and I didn't like it. The way you got out of your vehicle was too aggressive as well. I thought you were gonna take out your billy stick and hit me with it. You need to understand in the context of you being a white man with a gun and me being an unarmed black man how I must've felt when you were shouting at me. I didn't want to make any sudden moves. That's why I put my hands up and opened the door when you were shouting because I didn't want to give you any reason to think you needed to shoot me. I still don't see why you stopped me because I was only doing 5 miles over the speed limit.
Him: (sensing where I was going with this)You getting stopped has nothing to do with you being black. You just need to slow down.
Me: Well, I didn't get stopped by officers before I purchased this car.
Him: Just slow down.
Me: (put my car in gear and told him I was leaving. He was still bent over inside my window.)
Him:Be careful when you merge back onto the highway.
Me: **crickets**and an attitude for him making me even later

I really don't think I overreacted and tried to make it something that it wasn't. It angered me that he would be so dismissive because he's never had to walk one mile in my shoes. I do not like the police. (Except for one_man) I have not had good experiences with them. I truly believe that his major reason for stopping me is that he thought I was disrespecting him by passing him when he's a state trooper. Who cares? I had somewhere to go and as a law abiding citizen I don't feel like I have to stop driving because a state trooper is on the road with me. That would be like if I was have an observation and I wasn't teaching hopping up and trying to act like I was doing something. I don't even roll like that. FTDS.

A Stranger In My House

2008-04-01T17:04:00.005-06:00

Everything was going as well as it could until I turned 15. The summer before freshman year of high school I tried everything that your parents tell you to stay away from. Smoking, drinking and sex. I enjoyed two of the three, hated one and didn’t get serious about one of the two until I got to college and the other one of the two I got more serious about toward the middle of college. That’s a bootleg riddle. First person to get it right gets—let me see…..the assurance of knowing they were right. Meanwhile, not the point of the story, but yeah, I was as the old people say “smellin’ myself.” I became more contentious at home, argumentative with my parents at times, especially him*.

Although a lot had happened and my parents had numerous reasons to be sick of me, there was an incident that prompted the séance. I was home chillin’ cause it was the summer time. I didn’t attend any enrichment camps or anything like that. That’s why some people have an advantage over others. They expose their children to things that are going to expand their minds. Maybe if I had been at a camp or something, then the incident wouldn’t have happened. Old people say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. There was a neighborhood girl in whom I was interested. Not like I was in love or anything remotely close to that—I was 15 years old. You know what I was thinking about. So we began hanging out. Hanging out led to sexual talk. One day I remember on the playground (we were just up there talkin’) I pretended that I had to use the bathroom. I was ready to see how she would react to seeing it. I whipped it out and just held it for a while. Of course nothing came out cause I really didn’t have to use the bathroom. I was like oh well I guess I didn’t have to go all the while I was getting an erection because here I was with this girl I liked with my piece in my hand kinda just sitting in this awkward silence as she looked at me and I looked at her. As I was about to put it away, she said that I didn’t have to. We exchanged a little back and forth and then ended up at my house in my bedroom. T.I. You know what it is.

Of course we had sex on my brother’s bed—not mine. I guess that was kinda triflin’. We had been going for maybe about seven or eight minutes before we heard a car door slam. Actually I didn’t hear the car door. She did. When she told me she heard something I was telling her she didn’t hear anything cause I wanted to finish what I had started. Thinking back on it now, there was no condom involved either. So stupid. Honestly, condoms didn’t become involved in sex for me until I was like 22. It’s just God’s grace that I don’t have a kid or anything grandma’s washing powder can’t get off. Anyway, she kinda pushed me off her while urging me to look out the window. I did. It was him* carrying grocery bags. I had about 7 seconds to get her out of the house, get up front, spray something just in case and act like nothing had happened. Needless to say I couldn’t pull that off.

We both ran up to the den in the front of the house. Our den had a door on it so she closed and locked the door just before he* entered the house. He started bamming on the door telling us to open the door. I was seated across the room farthest away from the door. She was sitting right next to the door in a chair but was frozen with fear. I kept telling her to open the door but she just kept shaking her head no. Finally I got up, did the flip up in my shorts (I think the fellas will know what I’m sayin’) and opened the door. He* started with the 20 questions. What was all that noise? What’s going on? I heard ya’ll running. He’s* asking and answer his* own questions. Nesha decided to say that we were in the back playing my keyboard. I’m thinking to myself this broad is sooooo stupid. My adapter had been broken for like three months so there was no way in hell we were playing the keyboard. He went to the back to test the keyboard and surveyed the room. Somewhere in the middle of this Nesha was dismissed and he told me that he didn’t want her back in our house ever again. When he came back he said that the adapter was still broken and the bed was messed up. My clever story was that we were wrestling. (We were, kinda). He* didn’t buy it and he made me do manual labor. Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate pulling weeds and shit like that. I had to wash all the cars too and cut the grass. I hate that kinda shit. Hire someone ma phucka.

Later that evening he* called my mom who was in Tacoma, WA, at the time to tell her what happened. I was so pissed off about him calling her. I could give a phuck less about what he thought, but I highly respect my mother and want her to have a good opinion of me. I had already been in a lot of trouble because of my mouthiness. Basically I was just acting grown. I had something to say about everything. When she got back, they came up with this bright idea to have an intervention to “save me” from what I’m not sure—maybe the devil.

Like I said, getting caught in the house was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Truthfully I never would have gotten caught if he* wasn’t stealing company time by grocery shopping and bringing food home. It’s really his* fault. Ma phucka. So at the intervention they called the whole family together. There were six of us. Four siblings and my mom and him*. These people are ultra religious so of course we go to the Bible to start the lashing. I remember them having some prepared notes to make sure they covered all my list of offenses and whatnot. They read off all the infractions, which were numerous. After the reading of the charges against me they read some verses from the Bible. The one that sticks out the most was “Why do the heathen rage?” He* even had a book by the same title and pulled some stuff from there to tell me why I was such a heathen and why I was raging (acting out). Basically they said it was a demonic spirit that had me bound and that’s why I was being so bad and that every time I did something else I was feeding the demon and making it stronger. They had had enough and were going to try to pray it out of me. My mom said her piece, which was much softer but she was very concerned about the person I was turning into. I knew that this was not my mom’s idea, but she went along with it I guess to appease him*. Ma phucka.

They even sung some church songs. I don’t remember what they sang but it was almost like a mini church service minus the offering. As they were talking I remember having something like an out-of-body experience. I kinda looked around at the five faces staring at me and the two faces doing the talking/preaching/teaching/seancing/casting-out-demoning and I was like these ma phuckas are really crazy. Like I knew before that they had some idiosyncrasies, but now I felt like these people were CERTIFIABLE. Don’t get me wrong. I’m crazy ‘bout my mama, but I thought her going along with this was not a good idea as this “intervention” or whatever was a bit extreme. The whole thing was absolutely surreal. I was just sitting in the room like this cannot be happening. I wondered what my real family was like and if I had been switched at birth. I mean, okay I was wildin’ out a little bit, but seriously, all this was unnecessary. At certain times while they were talking they would ask me questions. I wouldn’t answer. Of course this made them mad and they were saying the demon won’t let him talk. I was thinking how crazy they had to be to think that something was keeping me from talking. I wasn’t speaking because I couldn’t believe what was happening. I just felt so out of place. There was a stranger in my house. It took a while to figure out, but the realism was that the stranger was me.

Ever since that day things were a little different. We’ve never discussed it from that day to this one, and until now I had not relieved it again. It was one of the defining moments of my youth because I realized how people would use the Bible as a weapon against you and believe that they are justified. To this day I’m awfully leery of someone who always references the Bible. Don’t get me wrong. I go to church most Sundays and I enjoy it. It’s just I think of people who do this kinda stuff as fanatics. Just like when I ask someone how they are doing and they tell me blessed and highly favored. BREAKING NEWS: This just in. You can be saved and answer “fine” when someone asks how you’re doing. You won’t lose your salvation.

I kinda stopped giving them so much trouble after that but only because I didn’t want to sit through another cast out demons/bring down the strongholds ceremony.

Just a thought

2008-03-31T21:27:00.000-06:00

You cannot choose your parents. Here's a question for parents everywhere.

If you had to prepare a "resume" of your accomplishments, everything you have to offer a child, would your child/children choose you to be their parent?

If the answer is no, then you need to do something differently.

I think I want to tell the story of a seance that my parents had for me when I was 15. It wasn't really a seance, rather it was more like an intervention. I just like to say the word seance. I might post it tomorrow. Gotta get some zzs.

Drop 'Em

2008-03-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

I believe that there is value in being honest and transparent. I came to terms with something this weekend that I have never admitted before. My
best friend told me that I carried myself like this, but I was always dismissive of the assertion.

I was on the telephone with a friend talking about this whole job search thing. He was telling me not to worry, it'll work out, you know, the standard stuff. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation I just blurted out that when I walk in the room I expect draws to drop. I was driving at the time, but immediately after saying it in the atmosphere I was stunned and motionless. That's the first time I ever admitted to anyone that I might have a slight complex. I'm still not 100% sure what to call it, but it is something.

That's why this job thing has been bothering me so much. Heretofore I have not had to do very much to get stuff. God's favor has been with me. Now, I don't believe that I've somehow lost His favor, I just think that I'm realizing that everything is not going to just fall into my lap on the strength of favor. Just a little background so that you'll understand where this unwarranted sense of entitlement came from. I went to college on a full academic scholarship for which I did not apply. A recruiter came to my school and asked me if I was interested. I told him yes and the rest was history. I did fill out some paper work later, but he came to me. When I got my job I went to the Human Resources office and filled out an application and asked to speak to a hiring representative. We spoke briefly and she began to fawn over me (I thought she was going to orgasm) and immediately set up an interview for me with a principal who she thought I'd be perfect for. I went to the interview, got my references checked while I sat and was offered the job on the spot. That's what I expect. When I go places it doesn't matter what the policies are, sometimes, I'm able to fanagle my way around them and "sweet talk" people into bending the rules. Don't ask me why I do this or even why I'm able to. It's a gift I guess.

All that has put me where I am now. For the first time in my life things are not really moving at a pace that I like and I have absolutely NO control over that. This is definitely a different look for me, but it's for my growth and development. A part of my introspection and reflection has been to adopt and ascribe to the wisdom contained in the serenity prayer. I think this will be the last post that seems like I'm complaining about this whole job thing. The realism is I think I'm growing as a person inasmuch as I was able to admit the aforementioned to myself. Words really have power; it wasn't until I spoke those words in the atmpsphere, however crude as they were, that I accepted the fact that I like people to swoon over me. Maybe I'm just ego tripping.

I'll edit this later. I just needed to get it on paper--well you know what I mean.

Real Life

2008-03-26T09:21:00.003-05:00

Don'tcha just love it when people gas you up and then don't come through? When I went to the job fair a couple of weekends ago, everything seemed positive and a go. I had three schools who seemed genuinely interested, but not a one has phoned me to set up an interview. Two told me that they would schedule the interviews during my spring break which is going on now, although I feel like it's already over. I guess I should phone them, but I don't wanna seem beat. I know I need the job and not them, but I'm not accustomed to having to run somebody down.

I know there are a lot of candidates and some might even be more qualified than me. I typed that, but I find it hard to believe given the extra curricular and leadership experiences that I have had at my current school. The realism is that I don't think many people my age have been trusted to do what I have.

A friend of mine told me that she had a prophetic word for me. I thought to myself, oh brother. Here we go. She assured me that someone would contact me by Tuesday to set something up. Believe you me, I didn't believe her and that in no way contributed to me feeling some type of way about them. She must have studied prophecy the same place as Juanita Bynum.(I know I was wrong for that).

Alas, I'ma put in some calls today to try to secure some interviews. This is so different from me. I am accustomed to being pursued after the initial contact rather than having to be the one in hot pursuit. That translates to other facets of my life as well, but that's another post.

I did something nice last night. I went to dinner with some friends. On the way out of the restaurant I saw the hostess looking over some PowerPoint slides. I asked her what she was studying. What do you know? She was studying accounting and one in our party is an accountant at a bank. I introduced them and had them exchange contact information. The friend who is an accountant asked if I even knew that girl. I told her no, but ~~I'm Captain Save-A-Hoe~~ it doesn't matter. She's graduating soon and you already have a job. If there's an opening you all have enough time to get to know each other between now and then so that if she's okay, you can let her use your name as a reference (assuming her name is worth something to the company). I need every one's help. I cannot single handedly uplift my race by myself. Every time you are in a position to refer someone for employment or a good deal or whatever, I implore you to do so.

I almost forgot about my brother. Question: Why did he get my mother* to get him a loan for school and then quit school as soon as the loan came through? Answer: He's a trifling negro, that's why. Meanwhile my mother has to pay for the loan. She asked him what he was planning to do as far as payment and his reply was he hadn't thought about it. He's also planning to move to Jacksonville in May with his wife who is supposed to be going to law school. When I met her at the wedding she didn't seem that smart to me and I'm usually a good read when it comes to stuff like that. I smell smarts like a bee smells honey. (Like my 4th grade analogy?) Anyway, she graduates from college May 10th and they plan to be in Jacksonville to move in on May 12th. Notice I haven't mentioned where he'll work or live because he doesn't know and neither do I. When my sister called me (really to ask me to borrow $$$ - which I gave her the brush off) to ask me how I felt about it I told her that I have hot water and thoroughly enjoy the advantages that electricity provides. If he's willing to move not knowing where he's going to lay his head then let him do him cause umma do me. I could go on and on about this situation but when I think too much about it I just wanna slap a ni-. See, he done almost made me resurrect the word we buried. I'ma let that go.

*You clicked the link didn't you? Get of my momma jock stalker!

Traveler's Anonymous

2008-03-24T17:11:00.003-05:00

My name is James and I have a problem. I'm a chronic traveler. I don't know what it is but nothing gives me more pleasure than to just pick a spot, even if I don't know anyone there and take off in search of adventure. Right now I'm at a spa in south Florida. Crazy thing is none of my friends roll like me. It doesn't bother me to just up and go somewhere. We're only going to live once. They are such lames.

These High School Students...

2008-03-17T16:45:00.004-05:00

I was inspired to write this post by another blogger.

Start story here:
Let's call her Jessica. That's actually her real name, but hey, what are the chances that you know her? This was a student who I had about two years ago. She was a very friendly person. A little too friendly. I don't exactly remember when it happened, but somehow she started calling me "Boo" all the time instead of Mr. LastName. I would always tell her to stop, but most of the time I'd be smirking so my telling her to stop wasn't exactly getting her to stop because it seemed to her that because I would be laughing that I wasn't serious. I can't really say why I would sometimes laugh other than I thought she was being silly and I found it amusing. Somewhere down the line she got comfortable enough to walk up to me during the hallway during the change of classes and hug/touch on me. I'd tell her to stop but she persisted. Sometimes when she'd see me walking in the hallway she'd holler out, "Hey boo," all the way down the freakin' hall. I'd keep walking like I didn't know to whom she was referring, but she'd usually call me out. Other times she'd see me in the hallway and do the father-giving-away-the-bride-arm-lock thing down the hallway. I'd push her away and she'd be more persistent. Sometimes she would just burst into my classroom and say, "Hey boo" and give me a hug. Again, at these times I would tell her to chill.

I tried having a conversation with her about the inappropriateness of her behavior but it didn't go over well because I'm just not good at that kinda stuff. For one I know it's just her being young, but I'm concerned that anyone who doesn't know me might get suspicious and try to start some stuff. (I can hear them dudes who did A-town stomp in the background).

It didn't stop there. She even touched my butt* on occasion. That's when I really got serious and told her that she had to chill for real. Notice though I said "on occasion" so clearly what I was communicating to her was not viewed as being serious. One day while I was busy in my classroom and my students were working,she took out some red thongs from a gift bag and held them up to the window in the door, but not before pressing her breasts up against the window and fogging up the window with her breath. I was completely outdone. Of course, the boys were asking me a million questions and my reply, which didn't address a single one of their inquiries was to get to work. They settled quickly, but the air in the room was different for the rest of that period.

It was at this point that I sought the advice of a male colleague who had dealt with a similar situation. He advised me to write a letter and report it. I didn't want to do that because I didn't really want her to get in trouble, plus I didn't want to have to discuss anything with anyone. Eventually she graduated. I heard she has a baby now.

Job Search

2008-03-15T01:50:00.000-05:00

I'm in my hotel bed waiting until the sleep dragon overtakes me so that I can count sheep. I came to the A yesterday in preparation for a job fair that I attended today. When I got to the site the line was the longest line I had ever seen. I got there about 8:35 a.m., but originally planned to go around 10:00ish. I'm glad I didn't stick to that. It took me about an hour to actually get in the door.

It was held in the gym of The New Schools at Carver, herein after referred to as simply Carver. I spoke with a rep from Carver. After exchanging pleasantries she asked me some canned teacher-type interview questions about classroom management and differentiated instruction. I fielded her questions with ease and confidence. What got me was what all they expect you to do at this school. First of all there's a mandatory staff meeting each week for about an hour and a half. In addition, there's a requirement that you tutor at least once a week for an hour after school. Further, they want to see me do a 45 minute lesson before they will hire me.

Mind you she had a copy of my resume. I felt like on the strength of that alone the 45 minute sample lesson was insulting. Without boring you to tears, suffice it to say that I have on there all the stuff that a good instructor would put on there to demonstrate their competence and propensity to consistently deliver results. (Explicit language advisory. Reader discretion is advised.)Fuck the dumb shit. I'm not doing all that. When I thought about it later I felt like she tried to chump me. She seemed very positive, but I'm not feeling having to stay after so much or having to jump through any hoops.

I got to speak to someone at Grady, which is the top public high school in Atlanta. That went well and they seem very interested as well as Crim Open Campus. I'm really feeling Crim because of the way their schedule is set up. Every 45 days you get a new set of kids. Teach three classes a day and call it. With 45 days, you don't even have time to get sick of them before you're getting a new set. At Grady they have a modified block schedule. That means they might have 1st, 3rd and 5th period one day and 2nd, 4th and 6th the next and keep alternating back and forth. That's okay, but I"m not feeling having to grade 6*30 kids' papers for the whole school year.

I have to apply to professional standards to get my teaching certificate switched over to Georgia. Will jump on that on Monday. I'm tired now. I went out last night knowing I had to be at the fair early this (technically yesterday) morning. I had a good time last night. I learned how to do this line dance about stomping with the right and left and cha-chaing and backin' it up and stomping. Not sure what it's called. Going to bed now.

Random Ish

2008-03-10T16:05:00.003-05:00

*Oh, so when you called me you just acted like nothing even happened.

*If I don't go to the faculty meetings and the principal is in charge of that, how you gonna get mad if I won't come to the department meetings?

*You the one who brought that damned laptop to my apartment. Why the eff do you think I'm gonna bring it back to you? You can come and get it.

*So I left you a message and you haven't called me back yet. I'm not gonna run behind you even if we are blood.

*How come when peeps owe you money, the celluar phone satellites suddenly stop working? You know they say stuff like, "I didn't get your message" or "Something's wrong with my phone."

*I'm getting tired of you. Please stay out of my room. I know I shouldn't act like that, but I'm territorial.

*So I watch for five years for you all to wrap everthing up in fifteen minutes?

*And the person who I wanted to see fall doesn't even go down. Damn.

*Why was I convinced, to the extent that I had already made plans, that our Spring Break was March 17-21? It actually doesn't start until March 24th. Glad I didn't buy that ticket yet.

*I need to call my aunt and get her the CD of the Christmas pictures. I've been meaning to do it since...er..Christmas.

*Moving is such a job. I need to sit down and write out everthing that I need to do.

*I told my supervisor I was leaving early from work. Why did he tell me that I do what I wanna do anyway, so there was no need for me to inform him about my moves. I'm not the person to tell that. Whereas you think that reverse psychology would make me less transient, you just gave me a license to do whatever.

*Some things just seem forced. You know how when you know people are jealous of your success and they really don't like you and you can feel it but everybody keeps going like nothing's wrong?

Continued

2008-03-06T16:54:00.003-05:00

Day 3 - So now it's Saturday. My first session started at 8:15 a.m. I woke up around 7:48 (kinda weird how I remember times so exactly) and got dressed. I walked out my room at 8:15 headed to the session. Nothing to report from the sessions. I started getting antsy around 5ish and called Michelle to see where she was. I called twice and got no answer. If I call you twice and don't get an answer, you're as good as left. I hopped on the train to run a few errands around town. I needed some shampoo and stuff like that. At some point she called to see where I was and was disappointed that I "left her." I told her that I called twice, but she said she didn't get the calls. While I was out I saw this older black guy on the street passing out campaign flyers in support of Hillary Clinton. The other people on the street to whom he offered the flyers were quite disrepectful to this man. Some even went so far as to curse him out because he was supporting the candidate of his choice. The people were making derogatory remarks about him and insisted that he was supporting the wrong candidate. I need to mention that the people acting up like this all looked like me, just so that you can paint that mental picture of the scene.

I was still tired from the night before but agreed to an area called the West End to grab a bite to eat. I thoroughly enjoyed my meal. Prior to arriving at the restaurant there were a whole lot of people trying to hustle stuff on the streets--flowers, horse rides, candy and food. It was unreal. I can't recall how many times I said no that night. Since I was already beat when we got back to the hotel I just crashed for the night.

Day 4 -Michelle left this morning. It's Sunday. What does any good Baptist boy do on Sunday mornings? You guessed it. I went to church. I looked up a couple of churches on a black church directory website but then I remembered about the Potter's House under the effacious leadership of the renowned Bishop T.D. Jakes. I called a cab to take me. It was almost $30 one way. I went ahead and did it since I don't know when the next time is that I'll ever return to Dallas. The cab driver was wildin'. He was going off because he said the bellmen downstairs wouldn't give him the "good" trips like to the airport or the Galleria Mall where he would make $30-40 one way. The bellman approached the window once I was inside the cab and asked the cab driver if he had a number. I wasn't clear on what they were talking about, but I did know that he wasn't really asking him for a number. Those cabs are out there every single day. Why would he not already know the numbers to all the cab services who frequent the hotel? The cab driver later explained to me that it was code to ask if he intended on bribing the bellman to get one of the good jobs. The cab driver shared with me that he was Muslim and participating in any form of bribery is against his religion. I told him it wasn't necessarily bribery so much as it is the way business is transacted in a capitalistic society. If you want preferrential treament, you pay a premium. People who fly first class are not bribing Delta for the good seats; they are paying the cost.

Once I arrived at the church there was a seemingly never ending flow of people from teh church to the parking lot. It looked like a number that no man could number*. I got there in between services. I had to wait about 30 minutes before the next service began. The service was pretty good although Bishop Jakes didn't preach. He hurt his back in the earlier service so they just showed the DVD of him preacing from the earlier service. The guy who was MCing the service was pretty funny.

Day 5 - I woke up Monday knowing that this was my last day in town and realized that I hadn't done any of the tourist stuff. I went to the infamous grassy knoll and the book depository from where the shot that killed JFK allegedly came. The grassy knoll area is so small. I thought it was going to be the expansive space, but it's really not. I went downtown to another mall and this guy who was selling on the street directed me to some other touristy (I made that up) stuff that in which I might be interested. When I made it in that night a friend of mine who I had called earlier in the day called me back to let me know he actually was coming into Dallas for a few days. I wish he would have arrived sooner, but alas. We kept missing each other, but we met up later that night for drinks. The time got away from us and I drug my tired azz back to my hotel knowing that when I awoke I'd have to pack and start the process of getting back to the boro.

My luggage didn't arrive with me and I just got it this morning around 12:48 a.m. from the delivery service. I had to bum a ride to work yesterday. On top of that the friend who was supposed to take me home didn't come through. To say I was pissed would be the understatement of the decade. I know in friendship and relationships we don't do things to keep score, but the one time I actually need you you don't come through. That does not a happy James make. Although she knew in advance that I needed her to pick me up she texted me on the day I was to return to town to tell me that she had a meeting. Not even a phone call--a text. I can forgive her, but it's gonna cause me to pull back. Not that I'm out for vengance, but she better not need anything anytime soon.

*There's a prize for the first person who can tell me who made that statement.

Wheh!

2008-03-05T21:14:00.000-05:00

I made it back last night and like I said in the previous post I was too tired to write. I just got out of a meeting a school and now I can share.

Day 1 - I left work and went home to get my bags. I decided to carpool with a female colleague. She drove. Mistake #1. She was late getting to my house to get me. We had to drive about an hour to the airport because the tickets were $140 cheaper to fly out of Raleigh as opposed to Greensboro. I like to save money when I can. If the tickets had only be $50-60 cheaper, then I would have paid the extra $$ to fly from Greensboro. Anywho, like I said she was late getting me. Once we got on the highway I was nervously watching the speedometer noticing that she was hovering around 60 miles per hour. In a fit of desperation I finally blurted out that we were not going to make it to the airport in time to catch the flight (foreshadowing - remember that from ninth grade English?) if we kept up this pace. She sped to about 70. I was thinking wow you're really going fast now. It was at this point that she shared with me that there was something wrong with her transmission and she couldn't go very fast. I'm thinking the transmission. That's major. If you had said that before we left, I would have gladly driven. Please understand that I don't like to ride with people because I trust myself and my automobile more than other people's stuff because I maintain my vehicle. No shade tree mechanics. I take my ride to the dealership.

When we made it to the airport we went to the self check in kiosks and we couldn't check in without assistance. I knew what that meant. We were too late. Of course that's the message that the people behind the desk communicated to us. The flight we were scheduled to be on was the last flight leaving out that day on Northwest. We checked other airports and other hubs to see if we could fly to another hub and catch a connection to Dallas. No such luck. They wouldn't put us on another airline either. The best they could do is offer us the first flight the next day. Meanwhile I had a hotel reservation in Dallas for Thursday night because the conference was starting early Friday morning. Before I finally accepted that I wasn't going to Dallas on Thursday without coming out my pocket to just buy another ticket I pulled out all the stops. Usually I can convince people to be sympathetic to my plight--especially if the person is a woman. If I do say so myself, I can be very charming and persuasive. Imagine my surprise when exhausting every ploy and tool in my bag of tricks she still had not agreed to put me on another airline so that I could get to Dallas Thursday night. She gave us the "distress passenger" coupon for a nearby hotel so we just crashed in Raleigh waiting on the flight for the next day. We got something to eat. My colleague was so apologetic; she didn't want me to talk shit about her. She was like please don't be mad at me. I told her if I were mad you would know. I'm not usually really good at hiding my emotions--a flaw that I sometime manipulate to be advantageous for me.

Both of us were hungry so we caught the hotel shuttle to get a bite. On the ride the dude was taking us on all these back roads with no streetlights. I'm thinking to myself and then I asked her--let's call her Michelle--why are there no streetlights? What is he doing? My mind started thinking about how he could be taking us to a secluded area to slaughter us or something terrible like that. It was at the point that I decided if I didn't soon see some civilization that I was going to open the door and jump out. I was not comfortable because I just had an erie feeling. And the dude wasn't talking to us. I mean, he could have been tired or whatnot, but there's nothing wrong with being pleasant and making small talk if to do nothing more but put people at ease. Eventually we made it back home and crashed.

Day 2 - We woke up around 5 a.m. to be at the airport by 6:15 because our flight was scheduled to depart at 7:10 a.m. I checked my bag and had a carry on. I thought they had relaxed the liquid rules at the airport but apparently I was mistaken. They told me I could go back downstairs and check my carry on if I didn't want them to throw away all my stuff. I tried to do that but it was too late to check any more bags by the time I got down there so I ended up having to go back through security and still got all my stuff thrown away. The flight was uneventful. We had a connection in Memphis so I got to try the infamous Corky's since they had a little place in the airport. I had a pulled pork barbecue sandwich that was decent. When we finally landed in Dallas we caught the train to the hotel. There's a tunnel that leads from the train station to the hotel. Absolutely ingenious and so ultra convenient. If you clicked the link you see the tall structure with the ball up top? I'll pause while you look if you didn't already. Okay, now that you have the visual, I wanted to go in there but it was closed for renovations. It's one of those revolving restaurant deals where you can get a panoramic view of the skyline. I chose the hotel in part because of this. I feel like they need to make an announcement on the hotel web page to say that the tower is closed so that people will at least be aware and possibly make another choice of hotel.

When I got to the hotel I was waiting in the line for Gold Passport members. The front desk clerk made the ~~asinine move~~ mistake of taking the next customer in line before calling me. I wasn't having it. I let her know that I wasn't confused about where I was standing and that I am in fact a GPM and would like to be treated as such. She apologized profusely and got me straight with my room. I appreciated that. You should have seen the indignant looks on the Caucasian people's faces who I was taken in front of. For a night at a hotel you can use MasterCard. For the look on their faces when I was shown preferential treatment--priceless.

Before I checked in we jumped right into the conference sessions. The stuff that people were presenting was so substandard. I was encouraged because I know that I can do a presentation if that's all that is required. Of course I wouldn't be half azz when I do a presentation because it has my name on it, but for what I saw it appears that anyone who signed up to present was afforded the opportunity.

That night we went to a club called Purgatory. I didn't know the name of the club until we had been inside for probably an hour. I ordered a long island from the bar but didn't like it. I don't waste liquor because it's expensive in the club, but I threw it away. Had a good time. Kinda felt like college days. I stumbled home good and sweaty around 4:40 a.m. Of course we had sessions on Saturday morning beginning at 8:15 a.m. When I got back to the hotel Michelle had already left the club and was asleep. We shared a room, but not a bed. I slept on the roll away and let her have the bed, even though I'm the GPM among us.

So I'm actually leaving out a part of the story. I started not to write this part, but I may as well be truthful. I left the club about 2:00 with this girl I met inside. We walked to another club in the area but left after a few minutes. We were both feeling fresh and feeling each other. Yeah so you see where this is going. When it was over I called a cab from her spot and that's when I stumbled in the room at 4:40 a.m. subsequent to me getting my rocks off. By the way, ole girl has an oral ability that should be studied. I would rank her in my top three seriously.

This is turning into a lot....I'll do days three through five tomorrow.

Tired

2008-03-04T22:06:00.001-05:00

I'm gonna write about the events of my trip to Dallas probably tomorrow after work. I just got back and I'm just too tired to sit down and put anything together.

2008-02-28T15:12:00.004-05:00

I have a conference to go to in Dallas. I'm still home but my flight leaves in under 2 hours. I thought about changing from my work clothes to some jeans, but for some reason when I'm dressed in a tie things at the airport jsut seem to go more smoothly for me. Sometimes I get picked for the "random" search, but as I reflect, I've never been picked for the psuedorandom search when I was dressed in slacks. Does anyone know anywhere in Dallas I can get in some trouble? If I do happen do anything interesting while I'm there I'll be sure to share.

Even in 2007?

2008-02-26T19:43:00.003-05:00

I had been going through some financial stuff and whatnot. When I was able to recover from the issue, I decided to take myself a little trip to unwind. This was in December of 2007 around the 20th. I went to the city of brotherly love. I didn't really know anyone, except a couple of homeboys from college, but that wasn't really my purpose. I hit them up so that we could hang out while I was there, but my main purpose was just to chill and unwind. I stayed at a decent spot while I was there. I'm actually a gold passport member, so I collect points and get discounts when they offer promotions.

The second day of my stay I decided to go to
Ms. Tootsie's. You know, that's one of the restaurants the queen of television spoke about on one of her shows. If Oprah puts her seal of approval on it, then you know it's bonafide. Remember when she said something about not eating beef and some of the heavys from the beef industry sued her for lost profits? I enjoyed what I ate. When it was over I wanted to stroll down South Street and check out the scene before returning home. At some point it got a little wet and messy. I tried unsuccessfully to hail a cab for about 20 minutes. 20 freakin' minutes.

I thought that perhaps the reason that the cab drivers weren't stopping was because I wasn't doing it right. Maybe I should have been flailing my arms in a left to right motion instead of up and down. I'm not exactly a city slicker. Being a good ole country boy I thought that my cab hailing ability left something to be desired, as hailing cabs is not a valued skill in the south because everyone has a car. Anyway, no one would stop. Meanwhile the drizzle has turned to light rain. I start the trek back to my hotel. I ran up on some dudes hustling cds on the street. I asked them why the cab drivers wouldn't stop for me. They told me that there had recently been a series of cab driver murders committed by individuals who looked like me.

Let me describe my appearance. I looked like an Express model, minus the height. Loafers, jeans, sweater, light bubble jacket. Clearly not threatening. And it's not like I have dreads or anything that people associate with a threatening black man. I'm clean cut, small framed and well attired. Still these m effas wouldn't stop for me. So I'm still just walking back to my hotel. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

That's RACIST like a mug!! Here I am staying at the fuckin' Hyatt Regency looking like an Express model (I'll throw in articulate--you know how white people say that like it's a compliment that you can use the King's English) and these peeps won't give me a ride that I'm willing to pay for back to my hotel. I wasn't headed to the projects or the rough side of town, but they wouldn't even stop so that I could tell them where I was going. They simply saw my outer shell and opted to keep it moving. I guess they don't need money that bad.

Other than that I had a good time just unwinding and chilling. I met some interesting people one night on the street. (Don't ask). Suffice it to say that I've never met a stranger.

I Got the Hook Up

2008-02-23T16:51:00.010-05:00

When I went downstairs this morning after a rather event less night, the living room carpet, kitchen and bathroom were soaked. I discovered that some kinda way the toilet downstairs had sprung a leak. Where the toilet meets the ground--you know where the caulking is--there was a steady stream of water just running out. Talk about freak occurrences. I called the maintenance emergency line and after about 20 minutes they sent someone. Did those m effas hear me say "emergency"? I left while ole boy did his thizzle to fix the problem. By the way, I was expecting the regular maintenance dude but instead I got a white boy who looked like he had just done meth or was on his way for a hit as soon as he finished.

I'm out doing the Saturday morning errand thing. I dropped my car at the car wash. Call me old fashioned, but I don't do those AutoBell type car washes. No machines on my fiberglass. Only real live hands can get near it. When I got out the car these two workers approached me trying to get me to have my car compounded which costs like $150-200. I was like not for that price. I've been getting along just fine. I mean, the car was in desperate need of a makeover, but I just hadn't planned on putting that kind of money into it today just on a random Saturday errand trip. We negotiated on a flat rate of $100 to do the job. He did a little test area on the trunk for me before I decided to let him do his thing. I was pleased with that so I got him to do it for me. I walked about three blocks to the barber shop.

When I got there it was thick as it was Saturday morning, but luckily my barber only had the guy whose hair he was cutting in front of me. After my barber brought sexy back, I went to the ATM (still walking) to get the cash I was gonna need to pay the dude working on the car. Understand that I got from the tone of the two dudes' voices and the fact that they pulled me to the side that this was going to be some under the table/side hustle type stuff. When he was finished with the car, I asked just to be sure if I was supposed to pay him or the guy at the cash register. He told me to pay him and to just get in the car. Mind you, the dude behind the cash register is now outside with us watching this go down. I'm sure he suspected that his coworker was involved in something unscrupulous because he had been watching Mr. Compound work on one car for about three hours and dude behind the counter knows how much money it costs for that service. He knew that no one had been in to pay for that type of service, so I'm sure the sum of those circumstances raised his ire. Anyway, I got in the car thinking to myself, "I'm taking orders from a stranger. This has got to be illegal." Before I got in the car I had made a motion to take the money out. That's when he told me to get in the car and he'd get it from the other side. Again, I'm thinking that this is weird because he's orchestrated how to complete this transaction without seeming, in his mind, suspicious. I laid the money on the space between the gear shift and the arm rest where the ashtray is and he was wiping down the exterior of the car. He opened the door like he was wiping down the interior of the car and swiped the cashed, asked me if I was pleased with his work, I said yeah and he kept it moving. I drove off quite amused knowing that I had participated in this deception. The realism is, though, that the car looked 346,764.92 times better than when I took it in there.

I grabbed something to eat from K&W. The couple in front of me looked kinda sad. They were black and had about five children, one of whom was in a carrying thing (I can't remember the name, but you know what I'm talking about). Ole dude ordered multiple entrees for his plate. K&W is ala carte like Picadilly or Morrison's or whatever they have in your neck of the woods. Back home my living room had been totally rearranged (read: messed up). The maintenance dude moved stuff to one side of the room revealing the poor job I had done of vacuuming regularly. There's also this blower down there that is supposed to be helping the carpet dry faster. They moved my table and chairs in the dining area as well. I wonder if they expect me to move that stuff back or if they plan to move it back when they come pick up that fan.

A friend of mine I'm sure is quite upset with me because I wouldn't take any of her calls yesterday. Sometimes you're just not in the mood to talk. Nothing personal.

I'm a visual learner so here are pics of the whip and my ransacked living area. I threw in an extra. The last one is of my immediate family at Christmas. You finally get to see him*. At this time he's blind and a double amputee.

Left to right
1st row: My younger brother and him
2nd row: My older sis, my mom and myself - Don't I look like I don't belong? I was uncomfortable because I really don't do him and don't like to be in his presence for extended periods of time. By the way in this pic I'm around 145 lbs. down from the 171. Now I'm at 140. I'm not going much further.

Let My People Go

2008-02-21T19:19:00.002-05:00

I'm sick of this school. I need to get hired in the A. I can't wait until I can move. These Negroes get on my effin nerves. I was late Tuesday. When I got to my classroom Mr. G was in my room with my students getting ready to make a phone call to someone. I don't know who he was getting ready to call. I was maybe ten minutes late. I come on in and start class and he slips out the door. No problem. Later on that day he sees me and makes a comment that I need to fix my alarm clock. Why *plural form of the word that we buried* gotta try to be slick out the mouth? Since he gotta put his mouth on me about me being a few minutes late, I decided not to come to work the next day at all. Was I being petty? Maybe because I know I'm leaving I just don't care anymore. One day I'll be able to say I'm free at last. I need to be out of this toxic environment.

Obligatory Post

2008-02-20T07:48:00.004-05:00

I'm at home right now in the bed when ordinarily I would be at work. I decided to take me a day. I haven't taken very many days off this school year and so I figure I'm due a day to just stay home and chillax. I'll grade some papers perhaps that I've been "grading" for the last five or six days and do a little house work and whatnot. I'll probably rewatch the last episode of The Wire that's on OnDemand and face devastation again as I see my favorite character be so unceremoniously gunned down, with no warning, pomp or circumstance. Now that he's gone, I can't image what they are going to do for the final couple of episodes.

I bought some books the other day from the local Barnes and Noble. I have Race Matters by Cornel West, "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?" by Dr. Beverly Tatum and Raising Black Boys by Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu. Sometimes I'll get on a 'black' kick and just wanna read stuff and be intellectual and whatnot.

I haven't heard anything from the application I submitted for Atlanta Public Schools, but I'm sure they'll be contacting me soon. I mean, I'm young black and a man--who wouldn't want me to teach their kids? Not to mention the fact that I'm actually good at what I do.

Off the subject, but let's say you used to talk to this girl (or boy or whatever depending on who you talk to). A lot of time has passed since ya'll parted ways, but sometimes you think of them fondly and kinda wish ya'll could try again. You've been with other people and so has she. As a matter of fact she's with someone right now. If you were really feeling her again, would you step to her even though she's with someone else or would you let it ride? What if the person is married?

By the way I'm watchin' ole Barak. I really like him. I even have a picture of him on my fridge from when I went to hear him speak. I'm hesitant about him receiving the nomination, but the way things are looking, he just might pull it off.

Games

2008-01-31T18:44:00.000-05:00

So I usually leave work around 2:15 each day, even though we're technically not scheduled to get off until 3:55. The school I work at is on a block schedule, so I teach three classes and have fourth block planning which starts at 2:09. I don't sign out or check out with anyone because I figure there's so many people who work here and so much junk going on that no one has time to keep up with little ole me. I get home on the sofa in my draws and a t-shirt ( I start stripping at the door) chillin' eating me some pork fried rice and chicken wings and my cell phone rings. It's someone from the school, but you know it's the main number, so there's no way for me to tell who it is. I answer and it's one of the assistant principals who is my primary evaluator. Let's call him Mr. G. The conversation goes something like this:

JayBee: Hello
Mr. G.: Hey JayBee, I need to meet with you.
JayBee: Um..okay..can it wait til tomorrow?
Mr. G: Naw, we need to do it today.
JayBee: What's it about?
Mr. G: We can't talk about it over the phone. We need to discuss it face to face.
JayBee: Okay...um give me about 15 minutes and I'll come over there.
(In my mind I'm like crap because I'll have to get dressed and drive back to work to see what the freak he wants.)
We go back and forth a little bit more. I've forgotten now exactly what he said to make me say this:

JayBee: Mr. G., stop playing games. You know I'm not on campus.
Mr. G.: I know you're not. Didn't I tell yo black azz not to be leaving without anyone knowing?
JayBee thinks to himself,"I don't remember him saying it, but whatever" I don't respond.
The conversation fizzled. He really didn't need to meet with me, but he and another teacher decided to "get me" by calling me knowing I wasn't at work. Luckily for me he like me and he wasn't being serious. The realism is though, we too m effin old to be playing games. If you want something from me, just say so.

The thing that I don't like about asking people who are in authority to do stuff is that there is the chance they could say no. Me being me, if it's something that I've already decided that I'm going to do, I'm going to do it anyway. If I do it and you've already said no then you'll think I'm being insubordinate. That's why I'd rather ask for forgiveness than ask for permission. Umma do me (Rocko) and if it's a problem later on, I'll just be like my bad--I didn't know--I'll do better or some similar half-azzed excuse.

I Get It Now

2008-01-18T20:59:00.000-05:00

The title of the previous post was actually a little premature. Now I can say that I am officially in recovery. After I took the entire prescription, the rash got worse. I don't know if my body rejected it or if I'm allergic to prednisone or what, but it got worse rather than better. Since then I ordered some stuff online that is supposed to eradicate the condition. I noticed today that most of the ones of my arms, face, and some of the ones on my stomach are beginning to dry up. Maybe a couple more weeks and I'll be back to normal. At least I'm hoping it won't be much longer than that. I can't help but wonder if God is communicating something to me through this. You know how they say everything happens for a reason? Well maybe He needed to slow me down so that I would reassess some things in my life. I will hasten to say that it has worked. I get it. I need to do better in my personal, professional and spiritual lives. I've vowed to do some things differently. For one, I'm really going to work on forgiving that man my mother claims is my father. In addition, I'm taking a step back when it comes to offering (unsolicited) advice to friends/colleagues. Only at someone's behest will I put my mouth on their situation/issue. This is particularly challenging for me because when someone comes to me with a problem (or something that I perceive to be a problem) I instinctively go into fix it mode. This little bump in the road (no pun intended) has forced me to pray much more and seek God more closely. I've known for quite some time that my spiritual life was grossly off kilter, but I was complacent in what I was doing--half going to church, not praying or reading the Bible, not consulting Him for guidance and direction. I know better and this has made me remember my roots because for the issue I'm experiencing, there really is not another being on whom I can rely save and except for Him. I get it now. I'm listening.

Listening to Sam Cooke's "A Change Is Gonna Come"

In Recovery

2008-01-05T17:50:00.000-05:00

My niece noticed two red bumps on my forearm during my visit home for Christmas. I hadn't noticed them myself, but I did think them odd. Over the next maybe 8-9 days more of them appeared. It was at this point that I became concerned because I didn't know what they were or from whence they came. (Check that Bible-esque language.) I left work early yesterday to go see the doctor. The bumps did itch, but just ever so slightly and not all the time. They are on my chest, arms, legs and stomach. I waited in the doctor's office for what seemed just short of an eternity, because before the doctor was to see me he got an emergency call and had to step out. He took a quick look at the bumps, reared back in his chair and listened to me answer the questions that he asked and finally gave me a diagnosis. He said they were mulluska something or 'nother. He told me they can come from children or adults--anyone whose skin with whom you have come in contact. He gave me a two prescriptions. The first one is prednisone which had a laundry list of side effects, but is supposed to be very effective. The other thing he gave me is Zyterc, an antihistamine and to quell the itching. I'm hoping by next Friday, at least the bumps will be all dried up/gone away. I'll keep you (all one of you) informed. In other health-related news, I tried a colon hydrotherapy treatment today. The initial sharp pain of the tube insertion subsided within seconds and let's just say the flood gates began to open. The realism is that the initial insertion was so momentarily uncomfortable that as reflex I grabbed the lady because I was out of sorts. It's all good though. I left with my dignity and manhood intact.

Stuff

2007-12-26T16:48:00.000-05:00

I'm blogging from my sister's laptop in Savannah. I tried to leave to go back home, but she phoned me to let me know that I left a bag and my coat. I decided to turn around and return to gather my things. Now I'm just waiting until my mom gets off work before I leave. I already saw her today, but I'm a little sleepy so that gives me an excuse to see her one more time and will allow me to get some rest.

Mrs. Campbell, who I call my other mother, said something to me that helped me see things differently with regard to him*. She told me that he already has to answer for his wrongs. I'll be judged based on how I interact with him. That really helped me. I can be cordial. I just have to limit my engagements with him though, because I'm not nearly as strong as it may seem. My inclination is to lash out at him, so I have to be really careful not to go around him too much.

The whole holiday thing went okay. I did leave the house the night before Christmas and considering getting a room, but I decided to return. My mother seems so happy now that I'm home. I know she misses me because it is so rare that I come. She knows why though. She doesn't necessarily like it, but she does know. We only talk about it on occasion. It's kinda like gays in the military - don't ask don't tell. We choose to ignore the big pink elephant that did the somersault in the middle of the living room.

I was glad to see my aunts and uncles and cousins and brother and sister and their families. One brother didn't make it. He and his wife went to her parents' house. I guess that's what you have to do when you're married, but they also went there for Thanksgiving as well. On top of that they didn't send a gift for my mother. He claimed he couldn't afford to buy any gifts this year. He recently got a job and did you miss the part where I said they went to the other in laws' house. We're talking about a three hour drive. I started to call him and go off, but a part of my personal growth and reflection has been for me to take my mouth off people and their situations. As much as I would like to question whether they purchased a gift for his wife's mother, I'm gonna try my best to leave it alone. I'm not trying to make comparisons, but I just have some questions...

This is all over the place. I just checked my email and a guy contacted me about a job. I need to decide whether I plan to follow up with that or not....I could use the extra bread to help me with my relocation expenses.

Sayings

2007-12-01T07:11:00.000-05:00

If I can't believe everything you say, then I can't believe nothing you say. (I am aware of the double negative.)

This is one of the most poignant sayings that I have ever heard. It speaks to honesty and integrity--two closely related ideas that are of paramount importance to me. If you want the fight of your life, say something against my character. I can handle all other attacks against me. You can call me short, fat, ugly, stink, stupid, etc., but under no circumstances can you assassinate my character. Your name is all you have and when people attack your name they in essence attempt to alter your destiny. I say alter your destiny because when other people hear what someone who has attacked you has said, they engage you in conversation and in deed as if what the attacker said is/was the gospel truth. I'm not sure where this diatribe came from, but I just had this on my heart. It's not like anything like this has happened to me recently, but I just felt like putting this out there.

In other news, a teacher at my school beat up a student, a kid set a desk on fire, and we have random students (one of whom is in my 3rd block class) pulling fire alarms for kicks. East Side High.

What are some of your favorite sayings and why do they speak such volumes to you?

Action!

2007-11-22T06:16:00.000-05:00

It is difficult for other people to understand why I'm not all gung-ho about going home for the holidays. I realize that most people want nothing more than to be with their families during this time of year. However, for me, I'm not feeling the holidays like that. As a matter of fact, I choose not to go home very often because I have so many issues with some of the things going on there. Perhaps most people grew up in with a nice home environment. That is not the context from which I draw my lived experience. Moreover, I believe that it is because most people had a "normal" home life, that they find it hard to understand when someone from a dysfunctional situation chooses to distance themselves from home.

For one, my mother's husband (until I see a blood test I won't call him my f____r), has had both legs amputated and is blind and still calls himself "pastoring" a church. He needs to sit down somewhere. How can someone in his condition effectively lead a flock of parishoners? On top of the health issues, he has so many psychological issues that it is not funny. I dont' have the emotional energy right now to go into detail, but suffice it to say ole dude is crazy. The sad part is that he thinks it's everyone else--a hallmark of people in his mental state.

The reason most people cannot wrap their minds around someone adamantly refusing to be involved in home life is because of what I call "The Script." Society has written a stage play in which our roles are defined, complete with stage directions. According to the script, any dutiful son should be home with family, sitting around the fireplace reminiscing on days gone by. I'd much rather skip meals for three days. (Anyone who knows me knows how much I love to eat.) People who deviate from the script are labeled as social misfits by society. I do not apologize for deviating from the script. If anyone had a home life like I had, and I realize that other people had it so much worse, then they would understand why I choose to exit stage left, rather than move in closer.

I have no desire to have a relationship with that man. He keeps calling me and I keep ignoring his calls. Last night I was duped into answering the phone. I have his number stored as Don't Answer, but for some reason I looked at the digits instead of the words and hit the talk button. As soon as the interrogation began I had regretted not reading, after all, reading is fundamental. The question about why I haven't returned calls came up. So as not to have a heated discussion in front of my company I simply said I'd been busy. Of course, he didn't like that answer and asked me if I was angry with him. That's the understatement of the freakin' decade. I didn't even have language to have that conversation with him so I had to end it so that my attitude wouldn't be bad, since I was on my way out.

When I talk to some of my friends about how I feel they try to tell me how I should feel and what I should do. I am not interested in how you think I should feel or what you think I should do. That's why I rarely discuss it because most people simply cannot wrap their minds around the decisions that I have made with respect to this situation. Their advice always heads toward trying to talk to him and getting over it, etc. I really can't be mad at them because those are the types of answers that should be given to someone based on what is printed in the script. What they don't understand is that the copy of the script that I received was markedly different from the ones that they read. One of my friends claims to "get it" but at the same time always remarks about how she thinks I'm wrong for this and that. That means that you DON'T get it!! What annoys me is that people want me to detail some life-shattering event that caused me to feel such resentment toward him. Since no single event exists (i.e. molestation, abuse, drug use,etc.) that would be considered "bad" enough for me to feel this way, people dismiss how I feel. Again, the script dictates that there had to be some capital offense before you can say that a parent is not worthy of your time, rather than the sum of all the years of your existence, with every passing day spent with a person more miserable that the previous.

When I am done with someone I am done. Come hell or high water. It is over. Finished. (Notice the pattern 5-3-1). The part I hate most is that I have withdrawn from my mother as well. She likes to encourage me to speak to him as well. That type of behavior only makes me reluctant to call her as well. As a matter of fact, it makes me resentful on some level, as she should clearly understand why I feel and behave this way. She's just a Christian though. It doesn't matter what someone has done, she believes in forgiveness. I do too. However, I subscribe to a brand of forgiviness that does not require that I still interact with the offender. I can wash my hands of you and be fine. Truthfully, when he's no longer in the picture I'll make up for this lost time between my mother and I. Given his health, I don't think it should be much longer.

Leave it to Hallmark

2007-11-04T16:16:00.000-05:00

A part of my rearing was done in a town that had a population of about 872 called Screven, Georgia. It wasn't until 1989 that the family moved to Savannah, so I spent about six years in Screven. The town recently like in the last five years got an additional stoplight. It already had one stoplight and a caution light. There were railroad tracks that separated the Black side of town from the other side. Needless to say, there was little mixing--as a matter of fact I can only recall seeing white people at school and at the local grocery store. I don't ever remember seeing a single white person in my neighborhood.

Anywho, there was a revered former teacher who had been diagnosed with cancer. At age six I didn't know what cancer was, but I knew it would eventually lead to her death. I never had this woman as a teacher, but when the news about her illness spread through town, and I listened to people recount tales of how she chastised them when they were wrong and how she inspired them to greatness I wished that I had had an opportunity for my life to have been touched by her. Since I fate would not allow her to inspire me, I thought I'd do something to inspire her.

I decided to send her a personalized greeting card. I drew her a nice picture on the front and on the inside scribed the words, "Get well soon slut." I drew another picture on the back of the card and headed down the street to deliver my well wishes. When I reached her house I proudly knocked on the door and gave the card to her son. He was about sixteen or so I guess. He said thank you and glanced at the message on the inside. His countenance fell. I was perplexed, even though I didn't know the word perplexed at the time. He told me he'd make sure everyone saw the card. Of course my intention was that his mother got the card, but in my youthful ignorance I swelled with pride when he said that he'd show it to everyone. I asked him if it was okay for me to get a pear from the tree and he said yes. I scaled the tree and bopped back home.

I can remember using the bathroom and my aunt burst in and said that I was in trouble. I didn't know why, but somehow I figured that it related to that card that I delivered. She said a bunch of stuff that I don't remember or would never repeat and said she'd tell my parents when they got home. I was nonchalant because I didn't know what I had done wrong. All I knew was a lady was sick and I tried to cheer her up by giving her a card. When my parents got home I got yelled at and got my azz tore up! Nobody ever bothered to explain to me that the message in the card was offensive.

The reason I used the word slut is because my sister and aunt were in the next room while I was designing the card and I kept hearing them call this girl named Katrina a slut. They used the word so frequently that I thought it must mean something good. I was able to sound it out and spell it using phonetics. I think my sister and aunt are the ones who should have actually been punished. I was impressionable.

Years later I spoke to my parents about the severe beating that I received as a result of that incident and explained to them one of the numerous parenting mistakes they made. The realism is that it is not effective to punish someone without explaining why they are being punished. When I told them this they said they were disciplining me. I told them that punishment and discipline are not the same thing. Discipline seeks to replace negative behaviors and may involve consequences. Punishment only involves consequences.

In the future I think I'll leave the greeting cards to the professionals.

Is That Your Version?

2007-10-28T09:48:00.001-05:00

I had a run in with a lady on my job. She told a student that because she missed a day of school that she didn't have to take my test (emphasis on my). Of course this is not SOP so I stepped to her and let her know that. I don't think she really understood the seriousness of what she did so I drafted a letter to her to let her know.

October 22, 2007

Dear Ms. K,

I decided to follow up our verbal conversation on Friday, October 19, 2007, with a letter. If my tone came across as mean-spirited let me offer an apology. However, let me hasten to say that I do not apologize for the substance of the message that was delivered to you. As educators, we have to be mindful of students’ attempts to circumvent authority and accountability. Keisha’s intention was to use the absence to negate having to take the test. The insinuation here is that one day’s absence compromised an entire unit of study and that students bear no responsibility for material covered in absentia. She was fully capable of attempting the test. Furthermore, any student that performs poorly on any test that I administer is re-taught and allowed an opportunity to retest. This is a policy that applies in my classroom and is availed to all students. Keisha is also fully aware of this policy. It was with this advanced knowledge that Keisha approached you to conspire against my classroom.

I am deeply offended that you would overstep your authority, advise Keisha that she did not have to take the test and that this message was conveyed by a child. Minimally, if you had a concern about the information you had received from Keisha, professional courtesy dictates that I be given an opportunity to speak on the matter prior to your taking a course of action based solely on one-sided information.

I have an obligation to the state of North Carolina to ensure that Keisha is successful on the geometry end of course test. As a matter of fact, ensuring students’ success on the end of course test is a major responsibility of my job and as such has a primacy for me. To be clear, I do not owe you an explanation about the curricular decisions that I make in my classroom so long as I make provisions for the modifications that Keisha is afforded. Please understand that when I do make a decision it is not to harm students, but to help them and to help me get a better idea about what I can do to help them reach and demonstrate mastery.

There should be no confusion about what students are expected to do. It is unfortunate that the student made a poor choice in this case, but I cannot blame her for her poor decision, since she felt justified, having acted at your behest. If the student dialogues with her guardians about how I told her to do one thing and you told her to do something to the contrary, that may raise the ire of the guardians who are not privy to all the details of the situation. In turn, they may come to the school to conference about this situation. Honestly, they would have a valid reason for doing so. When a child makes claims about receiving mixed messages, it is a parent’s right to conference with the involved parties in an attempt to sort out the matter. I hope that you are prepared to field any questions that might arise as a result of this situation. It is not my desire to conference about this matter, but if the parents request it, I will comply. I will be careful with the language that I use as well, so as not to make it seem as if there exists an antagonistic relationship between you and I. I will do this because I believe that as colleagues we need to be on one accord and display a unified front to both parents and students.

I am aware of the many ways that students try to manipulate adults. In this case, Keisha’s behavior, with your assistance, severely compromised her learning. Perhaps the bidirectional message is what is most egregious about this situation. In essence, with your telling the student one thing and me telling her another, my actions were misinterpreted as me trying to impose an undue hardship on the student. To the contrary, I know that brain-based learning suggests that students are more likely to retain information in their long-term memory with repeated exposure.
An enormous gap exists between what a teacher explains and what a learner understands. To reduce this gap, teachers need to engage students for deeper understanding and feedback with implicit and explicit learning strategies. If you don’t know what they didn’t get, how can you elaborate effectively? Making corrections as we go along is a critical approach for teaching with the brain in mind.
(Jensen, 2000, p. 35)

As you can see, my policies are in full keeping with best professional practices. I do not apologize for having high expectations for my students, as I am critically aware of what is necessary for them to be successful in this course and in life. Moreover, when it appears that we, as colleagues, are divided in our approach to handling student affairs, the involved student suffers. In this case Keisha compromised a beneficial learning opportunity. This situation is indicative of what occurs when educators do not grant each other the professional respect and courtesy that is necessary for the school to work harmoniously.

Nevertheless, in an effort to foster greater communication about Keisha’s progress I will make available a copy of her latest progress report to you. In addition I am enclosing a copy of the course outline so that you can peruse it and familiarize yourself with the content therein, including the established policies and procedures for my classroom. If you need clarity about the content of the documents that I am sending, please contact me.

Respectfully submitted,

James Bailey

Enclosures

cc: The principal
Assistant principal (primary evaluator)

After the letter was submitted the assistant principal stepped to me to let me know that I had her full support. Then Ms. K gets someone else involved and spins the story. Supposedly the girl was ill in class on the day of the test and that's why she didn't want to take it. I asked Ms. M who brought me this information why Ms. K dind't communicate that to me when we had our verbal conversation and how come she didn't say anything to me after I gave her the letter. Of course Ms. M couldn't answer for Ms. K but I made it clear that this sounds like journalistic spin to me-- you know how they say that Gore is president, but then recant when that's not the angle that they were going for.

In other news things are pretty much okay. I got word that I would be receiving a bonus in my upcoming paycheck. Yay! I have an assignment due for class this Tuesday that was really due last Tuesday but SHE showed up again. The realism is that I should be doing my assignment now, instead of messing with this blog. Let me hop to it.

Coach Carter

2007-09-27T15:52:00.000-06:00

I got up early and put on a nice outfit because on that day we were going to be having an assembly at school. Someone had arranged for out students to meet the real Coach Carter. When the students found out about it, some of them thought that Samuel L. Jackson was coming. I had to remind them that movies are not real and the people playing in the movies are just actors.

For some reason I had to go by the ATM this particular morning. I don't remember the reason why now. After I got some $$$ I continued up the same road the ATM was on, which is not my normal route. It was raining but not too hard. An officer came up behind me and got closer to my bumper than necessary. I knew then that he was running my tag to find out who I was. Driving while black is a mutha. He stops me. I pull over and he comes up to tell me that my tag is expired. I tell him that I think he is incorrect because I had already paid the taxes on my car.

Where I'm originally from (Georgia) when you pay the taxes you get a new decal. I did not realize in NC that you pay taxes and a separate decal fee. Ignorance of the law, however, is no excuse. He finds out that I also had a revoked license. I knew my license was revoked but I just hadn't found the time to handle the paperwork associated with getting it reinstated. It got revoked because I had gotten a ticket earlier. I paid the fine but did not send the receipt back to Georgia, where I was still maintaining a license at the time, even though I was living in NC.

He tells me to get out of the car so that he can arrest me for driving with a revoked license and having an expired tag. I am disappointed but not shocked. I knew I was getting arrested as soon as he pulled me over. I get out of the car and he puts the handcuff on while other cars speed by me on their way to wherever. I tell him that I'm sick and I don't need to be in the rain. He says he'll try to make it quick. He checks my pockets and inquires about the contents. I had some flash drives/jump drives/thumb drives (I've heard so many names for them) in my pocket. He asked what they were. I told him, but he seemed like he wasn't sure about my response. He asked where I worked. I told him I worked for the county. I was certainly not going to reveal to him that I worked for the school system so that he could try to make this a bigger deal than it was.

At some point he led me to his cruiser and had me sit down and told me he was going to search my vehicle. All I could think about was this white cop was going to plant some drugs in my car (Jaguar) to try to get a promotion on the force or something. Maybe I overanalyze but that's all I could think about. Plus if he did plant the drugs how would I convince anyone that the drugs weren't mine? He didn't find any drugs but he came back with a knife that I had in the armrest. He told me that I was carrying a concealed weapon, but that he would not add that to the charge. Somewhere in the midst of all that was going on he called another officer for backup. Mind you I'm 5'6" 152 lbs. Why the fuck did he need backup? Plus I was sick and I thought I was fly(see paragraph one).

They towed the car to some tow place way far away from where I live. I rode in the car to the local jail downtown. I told the officer while I was in the car that the cuffs were too tight. He told me that he knew what they felt like because they have to wear them as a part of their training. I'm thinking if you know mutha*#2&#@! take them off me. When we got to the garage under the jail we had to wait in the car because they were filming a commercail in the jail. The officer joked saying that I could be on tv. He asked me if I wanted to be in the commercial. I very curtly replied no and I told him I didn't think it was funny. He got out of the car after a while and led me inside. I had to sit on a bench and he handcuffed me to a bar that was on the back of the bench like I was a member of a cow herd. I told him that I did not want to be cuffed to the bar. He said his sargeant would get him if he didn't. I asked him if his sargeant had plans to come by here at 7:45 on a Tuesday morning. He didn't respond. I continued trying to pressure him to not cuff me. I asked him if he had checked out my shoes. I then followed up with do you think I'm going to run and scuff up my shoes? He still cuffed me to the bar anyway.

He started doing the paperwork and I was given a chance to contact a bailbondsman. I called a bondsman, but I still had to go upstairs to be booked and fingerprinted. After I was processed they made me answer a million questions and put me in a holding cell. I was in the cell for at least 2 hours. It only had a bench and a toilet sink thing that was all in one hooked together. Finally they released me when my bailbondsman arrived. I got my belongings and called someone from work to come and get me.

Luckily for me things at work were okay because we were having the assembly that day. If we weren't I would have had to call and tell them I couldn't make it for whatever reason. I really think all this happened because a white cop saw a young handsome black male driving what he thinks is an expensive ride.

VIP

2007-09-23T11:32:00.000-06:00

So yesterday I headed down to Charlotte to hang out with my friend Tonya. (I can't remember the fake name I used so I'll just use the real one. Makes life easier.) She's down there on business for about two weeks. She called me about 8:30 a.m. Saturday morning to see if I wanted to come down. I was feeling kinda sick so I told her I would let her know. As a matter of fact I was supposed to hang out Friday night with some peeps but I let my boy know that I was having the runny nose/fever/cough/need-to-head-this-off-before-it-gets-worse thing going on. I ended up just staying in Friday night taking some Sudafed and drinking some lemon tea.

Let me do a short thing on lemon tea. Every time I get sick this is what I use to open my sinuses and to help break up the phlegm that needs to come up so that you can get better. All you need to do is roll some lemons and squeeze the juice in some water. Put the squeezed lemon halves in the water too and boil it on the stove. Add a teaspoon of sugar of Karo syrup--I guess you could actually use the sweetener of your choice but only use about a teaspoon just to take the edge off. (Ending two sentences with prepositions--JayBee you MUST be sick! Look back up at the bold words.)

Anyway after I got my haircut I and threw some stuff in a bag I headed down to Charlotte to hang. When I arrived I went to her hotel. I was not pleased. The hotel is called The Blake. It looks like an old LaQuinta Inn that the new owners have not yet gotten around to renovating. The plan was for me to crash there for the night, but once I arrived I made a quick decision to stay at the Omni. We left the hotel to grab a bite to eat. If you're ever in Charlotte you must try one of her most famous dives called Price's Chicken Coop. The locals affectionately refer to it as the "Chicken Coot". From there we headed to South Park mall. As we were leaving the mall we heard music wafting through the air and decided to investigate. They were having a jazz in the park type festival on the back side of the mall on a grassy knoll. The parking was kinda hectic so I decided to go to the VIP parking area. The attendant asked if we had the appropriate pass. I told him that I did not, but that I wished to park in the area anyway. He paused and then he relented. He told me what space to take and basically to act like I was supposed to be there. Tonya and I said that he must not know who we were because that would be a small feat.

We stayed for about 15 minutes because of the impromptu nature of this deviation from our plan less day. Everyone else had blankets, coolers, buckets of KFC, lawn chairs, etc. When we got back downtown we parked and decided to walk. Some stranger on the street asked me if I had change for one million dollars. I was in disbelief. I almost came to tears because he said it with such conviction. We decided to go to Ruth's Chris for dinner. When we arrived the hostess asked if we had a reservation. I told her no. She said all that was available right now was the bar and the patio. My body language let her know that I didn't find that acceptable. She said she'd go ahead and seat us in the dining room after I motioned Tonya toward the door. When we go to our seats we panned the restaurant. TUMBLEWEEDS. There was hardly anyone there. I think of about 50 tables maybe three had guests seated at them. Who was she trying to fool like it was standing room only in that joint. I knew there was no one there when we got there because it was so quiet.

I dropped her off at her hotel and I checked into the mine. I showered and got dressed to go out. After checking out a couple of spots downtown we ended up at The Forum. While waiting in line I decided to find out how much it was for the VIP line. Dude said $20 and you still have to pay the $10 cover. I was straight on that cause the regular line wasn't that long. After about two minutes the dude called me over and told me that I couldn't go inside with my hat on and to hide it. So I did and he motioned for Tonya and let us in the VIP line for free. There probably about 15 people in front of us and I'm sure they were wondering who we were.

It was a mixed crowd so I was feeling that part. The music was kinda wack for most of the night, but the mixed crowd thing was definitely a plus. I get tired of waiting on the fight/shootout at all black clubs. There were some people about to get in a fight and of course they all looked like me. I just don't get it. I'm JayBee bitch! After we got tired of the wackness of the music we posted up outside and went down to another club. We could hear the music from outside and it was even worse! I was not kicking out any more dough for another wack DJ Fumblefingers. Our purpose wasn't to meet people. We just went to have a good time. Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure.

With shades.

Here I am with red eyes.

Tonya thought she was the stuff last night!

Have a great week! Oh and I didn't mention that we all but got cussed out on the job on Thursday, but that's a whole 'nother post. See ya.

While You Were Out

2007-09-16T16:22:00.000-06:00

I'm reclining in my bed as I type this post. I got off the road a little while ago from the A. I don't know what it is but I absolutely positively love the A. Yesterday evening I had dinner with a former coworker and one of her homegirls. The homegirl was cute. She was a little light skinned shorty with a fatty with relatively small breasts. They were cute and perky though. I wasn't pressed, but I asked her if she was hitched and she let me know that indeed she had locked her down a dude. I was thinking to myself, "Did you lock him down or did he lock you down?" Anyway dinner was straight and the convo was light and friendly. For those of you familiar with Atlanta we ate at Strip. When we finished eating, we went upstairs to chill/people watch for a few before we parted ways. When I got back to my hotel I had a friend roll through so we could "chill." The evening ended pretty good. Good azz and banging head. The head was actually ahead of the game. Was that corny?

On the way back the man stopped me again and gave me a speeding ticket. I maintain that I get these tickets because I'm black. It has absolutely nothing to do with how fast they allege that I was driving. That's $180 that I can flush down the toilet.

Also last night Chris Brown was downstairs at the bar of the hotel and the night before Usher walked by me as I was trying to check into the hotel. (Actually I was on my way to the bathroom while the guy behind the desk was verifying my reservation and running my card for incidentals.) He was with a female. I presume it was the woman he married last weekend. I didn't get a really good look at her though. I did scan to see if anyone else appeared to be with them and it didn't look like he was with an entourage.

On the job front I was recently made chair of the leadership team. My principal came up to me Friday telling me all this stuff I needed to do. I was like I'll handle it next week. I am not doing anything at 2:30 on Friday afternoon when we get off work at 3:45. I actually left at about 2:45, but you know what I'm sayin'.

My mind just jumped back to the celebrities. Did I tell ya'll that I want to be someone's personal assistant? Not because I see myself as a flunkie, but because I just want to be able to get into all the premiers and travel and whatnot. If I get a decent offer ($75,000) I'll hand in my letter of resignation "with all deliberate speed".*

In other news I started a campaign to lose some weight back in July. I actually have hit the 150 goal mark. I think I want to continue to about 148 just to be safe. I'll keep a good check on my weight and whenever I reach 152, I'll kick it into high gear to lose those extra 2-4 pounds. Now I just need to build some muscle so that I can be sho nuff fine! I mean if I'm moving to the A, I got to look good because I'm sure there's much competition.

Meanwhile I loaned a friend a few bucks that he promised to return this past weekend. Of course I haven't heard from him and I'm not going to call him anytime soon. If it goes for another two weeks I'll probably give him a call and request the funds. Whether he return the money at that point or not, it is safe to say that his credit is damaged with me. The realism is if you cannot meet an obligation to which you have previously agreed, have the decency to pick up the phone and let the creditor (in this case me) know the situation. I am very forgiving. I mean, I wouldn't loan someone something that would have me in dire straits. By not giving me a call though to let me know what's going on, it makes me feel that you'd rather shirk your responsibilities than to man up and take care of your business.

*A prize goes to whoever can tell me what popularized that particular phrase.

Random Thoughts

2007-08-30T04:54:00.001-06:00

1. I started a new routine since beginning work again. I go to exercise each morning at 5:30 for about an hour, then come home get dressed and go to work. So far so good, but this morning the enemy tried to make me lie in the bed and not go. Get thee behind me Satan!

2. My boss asked me the other day when I was going to call a leadership team meeting. Mind you has not yet talked to me about being leadership chairperson. She sent a message through someone else asking me if I'd be interested. After some debate in my mind I agreed to do it. I had to think about it because last year I told her that I'd be interested in doing it. She gave it to someone else. That person is now in another role and can't do it. I guess that's why she decided to ask me if I'd be interested. On one hand I was offended because I felt like she should have given it to me when I inquired about it. Maybe she didn't feel that I was ready at the time to handle the responsibility. What convinced me to say yes is that it will look good on my resume. Anyway, so she has yet to step to me to officially let me know that I am leadership chairperson. Then all of a sudden I'm asked when I'm going to call a meeting as if to imply that I'm slackin' on my pimpin'. Naw, we ain't havin' that. I told her let's sit down so that we can discuss expectations.

3. How do you strike that balance between not seeming pressed but at the same time indicating your interest? There's this girl (well, woman--we're all grown up now) in whom I'm interested. (I almost said "...girl who I'm interested in", but my obsessive compulsive grammar disorder (OCGD) wouldn't let me, which is weird because I will use colloquialisms like wanna, gonna, etc.)We used to talk back in college. She lives in the ATL. I live in NC. I wanna spark things back up, but I can't tell exactly where her head is. The last time I saw her (about 3 weeks ago) we just kinda talked and whatnot at her spot, but I couldn't talk talk with her because one of her absolutely annoying homegirls was at the spot. This homegirl said a couple of times, "I need to take my azz home," and things of that nature, but next thing I know she done grabbed a blanket and got comfortable on the couch. I was thinking to myself, "Please, please take yo azz home. I got business to handle." Ole girl was like a tree planted by the river--I shall not be moved. Yeah, but I gotta let her know that I'm interested, but at the same time I don’t want to seem like I've been pinning away after her for a couple of years, because that's not the case. Like the old saying goes, you don't know what you have until it's gone.

4. I get so pissed off when my windshield wipers don't work. For whatever reason they work at their own leisure. The crazy thing is I recently had the 60,000 mile service done to the car (okay, it was like three months ago) but still they should have caught that/fixed that issue. When I take it back in I will definitely make sure that they are aware of the problem.

5. Hardly being a tv watcher, I feel so out of the loop about the current gossip and happenings in the world. If I don't find out on the courttv website or something like that I just won't know.

6. I have one friend who calls me daily. I need a good way to say to her that I enjoy conversing with her, but I cannot be productive/get any rest if I'm on the phone for 2 hours at a time. Again, I really do enjoy our conversations, but I don't wish to be tied up for that length of time. Who has 2 hour conversations anymore? Since my grandmother died, that's a thing of the past.

7. Perception is reality for most people. Do people see you differently from how you see yourself? Case in point: A curriculum facilitator (former teacher, now she tells other people how great a teacher she was when she was in the classroom) at my school gave a presentation and when it was over pulled me to the side and asked me my opinion about how she did. I thought she did fine. I asked why she asked me of all the 30 individuals in the room. Her response was because I'm so critical. I really don't know a time when this woman has had opportunity to interact with me and make this assessment. Further I disagree with the assertion. Perhaps I should have requested proof in Whitney Houston-esque fashion ("Show me the receipts!") to substantiate her, in my humble opinion, unfounded claim.

Preachers Gone Wild

2007-08-24T16:55:00.000-06:00

I guess it's time for me to weigh in on what has happened. In case you live in the back woods, renowned prophetess* Juanita Bynum was assaulted by her estranged husband. According to the reports that I have read she and her husband were having dinner at a restaurant near Hartsfield Jackson in Atlanta. (Well really it's in College Park, but you know what we're saying.) Somewhere along the way they had a discussion that apparently got kinda heated and outside the restaurant/hotel (not clear on which one) her husband, Bishop Thomas Weeks III (yes I put the whole government out there) hit choked, and stomped on her. The alleged assault continued until a bellman pulled him off her. Just a little more background. They got married in 2002 in a very lavish televised ceremony. He was already a bishop and she was already in heavy rotation in all the church markets (TBN/with Bishop Jakes/hosting her own empowerment conferences, one of her most famous ones is "No More Sheets").

Apparently a while back Weeks told his congregation that there was trouble in paradise and Juanita would be having a less active role in the ministry. Basically if she came to church she would be holding down a pew instead of preaching.

Several things come to mind about this situation. Is he jealous of her success? I would argue that she is leaps and bounds more popular than he is. I have heard a rumor that the reason that they were separated in the first place is that Juanita questioned some of the close relationships he has with some of the male members of the congregation. Did she call him a faggot and is that when he beat the sh*t out of her? Also, to stomp on someone is indicative of the passion with which you despise them.

At first he didn't turn himself in to the authorities. Now he has turned himself in, been released on bond and --get this-- has entered a NOT GUILTY plea. WTF? So let me get this straight, you jumped on her in a parking lot, and ole dude had to pull you off her and you want us to waste time and energy on a fuggin' not guilty plea? This negro better not use a self defense argument, lest I drive to Duluth and smack him myself.

I'm getting ready to make a confession. As I am a full participant of this capitalistic society I have already developed a plan to take this unfortunate set of circumstances and turn it into a huge money maker. You know how gullible and pliable church people are. I'm certain that my idea can work. I was even reading some stuff online where people were saying let's just pray for him and whatnot. They didn't feel like he needed to go to jail. He just needs prayer. Why can't we pray for him while he's in jail?

One thing that is significant for me is how people already have so much ought against preachers. For him to do this only reinforces some of the negative views that some people harbor. I can hear someone saying, "I might not go to church, but at least I don't beat my wife." On some levels they would be justified. How do you step to this person to convince them that church can make a difference for them? What people, particularly, those who wear the cloth have to be sensitive to is that they are being watched. If he causes droves of people to leave the church/terminate their active relationships with God, then their blood will be on his hands.

*prophetess: She's supposed to be able have information/potential events revealed to her by divine providence. She couldn't foresee that azz whoopin'?

Just One of them Days

2007-08-20T16:28:00.000-06:00

I had one of them days today. I had to get some stuff straight for my job. I left home around 9 o'clock and pretty much ran around all day trying to get everything handled. I hate to say it but when you have to interface with black institutions, processes just don't seem to go smoothly. (This is your captain speaking....we are about to experience a run-on sentence. Please buckle your safety belts.) It's almost as if each office doesn't know exactly what the next office does and since they don't know and they might not even know what their office is supposed to do, everybody just shoos you from place to place with the hope that someone who actually knows what needs to be done will find you and guide you to the correct path.

Right now I have a slight headache. I don't know if it's the chaotic state that I found everything in today as I tried to handle my business, the heat or a combination of the two.

All day Saturday I hung with a friend of mine who I've talked about before--I don't remember the fake name I used so I'll just use her real name (Tonya). Tonya, a couple of her cousins and I went to this thing for Tonya's job. It's was one of those back-to-school-unite-the community-we'll-give-you-free-haircuts/supplies-if you-come-and-don't-show-out sort of things. Before we could leave Paul locked his keys in the car and they had to open it with a wire hanger. In the new world order with AAA, I was shocked that anyone still has wire hangers in the trunk in 2007. Am I just being bougie? (sp) Once they got in the car we came to my spot to pick up some stuff for the night and headed to Tonya's mom's house. That's the usual meeting spot for drinks/cards/dancing/cuttin' up. I actually didn't want to hang too long and I was ready to go around midnight. I didn't drive and Tonya didn't feel like taking me home so I just took her car so that I could crash. I was invited to stay but there would have been like 10 of us trying to stay in one three bedroom house. Not feeling that at all so I went on home. We had a decent time though. I can say that this is the first time we had one of those sessions and I left with the same amount of clothes that I arrived with. Typically I get into stripper mode and start entertaining the ladies....(Tonya, her cousin Dot, Tonya's mom and whomever else happens to be there for the show).

I was kinda reluctant to leave the ATL. I really like it there. I can't wait to move. The hotel I stayed in was fly and I had such a good time. The realism is that I spent way too much money and I have very little tangible stuff to show for it, but as one of my coworkers said, I have my memories. All except for V-8 that is.

V-8

2007-08-15T12:03:00.000-06:00

I'm typically not always this forward but sometimes some things just need to be said. I had the worst sex that I've ever had last night. It was sooo bad. One of my idiosyncrasies is that I'm not really touchy feely, but in the bedroom I expect lots of touchy feely/affectionate bordering on dirty talk, petting panting etc. Well it didn't go down like that. I had not seen this girl in like months and months but I didn't really expect things to go any differently. She was almost lifeless and completely emotionless. I almost asked her why she even let me come through. I got up from the bed WITHOUT getting a nut and got in my car and drove back to my hotel.

Quick education: The difference between men and women is that when women have sex they may have an orgasm. However, when a man has sex he is guaranteed to have an orgasm. Let me restate-I walked away without getting my rocks off and drove home. I'm not going to bore you with any of the dialogue between she and I (I was bored and I was there) but I remember the ride home last night as extremely funny.

It was so bad that I almost don't want to have sex anymore until I get married. I'm not exaggerating. It was that bad! If you've seen Waiting to Exhale there's a scene when this dude is with Lela Rochan and he's pumping away and she's looking so uninvolved/blowed because ole dude thought he was beatin' it up. The director lets us hear her thoughts as he's pumping and grinding and whatnot and she thinks, "I coulda had a V-8." So that's my new nickname for her--V-8.

In other news I took some me time to relax. I'm in the ATL, which is where I plan to move next year. It's been quite enjoyable up until this point with the exception of V-8. I have never been more repulsed.

Prior to this I spent two weeks in the 'boro attending a workshop where I was subtly and not so subtly insulted. The purpose of the workshop as I understood it was to provide strategies to help increase test scores. What they actually did was treat us (about 70 math teachers at failing schools) like we didn't have degrees in math. The first day the dude "taught" us how to solve equations! That offended my sensibilities, but because they were giving us $4000 for it I was able to take it just like I planned to take them duckets!

Also my mother's husband got his other leg cut off the other day. I don't know if I mentioned on here about the right one getting cut off, but if I didn't just know that now they are both gone. You have to be careful how you treat people or bad things will happen to you.

The realism is that one of the biggest lies ever told is that sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt. For my biblical scholars we know that life and death are in the power of the tongue. If you can speak life or doom to a situation, how then can you not all the more say things that are a minimum hurtful? I mean life/death vs. hurting someone's feelings. I don't think that there is any comparison. I know this is kinda random but I needed to say that.

New Orleans

2007-07-15T07:00:00.000-06:00

On Wednesday, July 11, I got up a little after 4 am to make my way to the airport for my 6 o'clock flight. I got there at about 5:37 and was told it was too late to check my bags so they would have to be checked once I passed through security. I had to actually leave them in the jetbridge(you know that long corridor that you walk down to get to the plane itself) and they took them from there. The flight was cool, but we caught the airport shuttle to our hotel. We were in town for a conference of about 8,000 people. Of course everyone else was trying to catch the shuttle as well. AFter about two hours of waiting and flaring tempers we finally were able to hop on a shuttle so we could check into our hotel.

***********************************************

(don't you love when they do that in books to mean time has passed?)

We head to the convention center for the opening session. When I left the opening session I went to this place called
Mother's Restaurant. I thought it was pretty cool. From there I went on a haunted history tour where I got to see parts of the French Quarter under realtively calm conditions.

The next day after the sessions I saw the new Harry Potter movie and then joined my party for a meal at a restaurant in the French Quarter. We left the restaurant and headed to Bourbon Street. I can just imagine how wild it is during Mardi Gras. We went in this one bar and Mark paid for the waitress to deliver me a shot. Why did the waitress also double as a stripper?!! She started grinding on me and took two tubes that contained the shots (like test tubes) inserted them in her mouth and went back and forth a couple of times (so you know what it looked like) bent me back and them put the opening in my mouth while I drank them. Let me find out that everytime you order something, it comes with a quick lap dance! We continued on Bourbon street and then hit Harrah's casino. Played a hand of black jack, listened to the other people at the table (so not like me to listen to others but I'm trying to be more receptive to other people's ideas because I typically disregard what other people have to say) and lost the hand. I decided that the casino was not for me so I left.

On Friday I went to Emeril's for lunch and wound back up at the casino. This time I played the slots and won a couple dollars. When I played the video poker machines I won over $100. I cashed out and left. We did a river boat cruise and then headed back to Bourbon Street. We hung out on Bourbon for a few hours and then went to sleep since was had to catch the shuttle in the moring at 7:30 a.m.

In my haste to pack my bags Saturday morning, I inadvertently left the valet key to my car and my headphones in the top drawer in the room. Of course I didn't remember utnil I got to the airport. I called the hotel and let them know and they packed my stuff and mailed it out that day. When I got the airport back home I called a locksmith to open my car for me. He got it open, but charged me more because of the type of car (Jaguar Vanden Plas). I checked the armrest for my keys when I remembered that I locked them in the glove box and the only way for me to get in the glove box is with the key that's somewhere between the SpringHill Suites Convention Center and here. I started to rent a car but Ms. Lee got me to wait a day before renting it so that I wouldn't have to pay any extra money, especially since I'll have to pay like $50 to get me car out of long term parking at the airport once the key does finally arrive.

Overall the trip was straight. I just hate that I left that key. THe realism is that sometimes s*#t happens.

On the grind

2007-06-28T13:22:00.000-06:00

So I'm doing the exercise and eat right/portion control thing. It is slowly working to help me reach my goal. So far I've been able to---
Jim Lehr: Hold it! We interrupt this blog posting to bring you some breaking news straight out of the channel seven news room.
Kathy Minks: This just in Jim. JayBee joined a gym.
Jim Lehr: Kathy what did you say? He joined a gym? Are you sure? That doesn't sound like him.
Kathy: Well, Jim, it's true. He actually paid an enrollment fee and joined a gym. And get this, he's been going everyday.
Jim: What does he do when he gets there?
Kathy: Sources close to JayBee say that he's doing aerobics and such and also messing around with some weights. It's an attempt to let Mr. Timberlake know that he isn't the only one.
Jim: The only one what, Kathy?
Kathy: That can bring sexy back (here). Kathy Minks channel seven news room signing off. Back to you Jim.
Jim: Well there you have it folks. JayBee is trying get in shape. We now rejoin the regularly scheduled blog posting already in progress.

I want to lose weight for my long term health. When I signed on to the 50 million pound challenge web site and put in my weight and height I realized that I am labeled as overweight. As my principal would say, "We cain't (not can't but cain't) haa (have) dat!"

I won't pretend that I haven't done some of the no-nos like eating fried foods. I had some Captain D's last night. I can say though that I don't eat those things daily--at most I'd eat something like that once a week. Funny thing is while I'm eating it for whatever reason I don't enjoy it like I used to because I feel guilty knowing that what I'm eating is not a part of what I should be eating. Anyway let me stop obsessing about portion sizes and cruches lest someone think there's a anorexic white girl trapped in my body attempting to break free.

This past weekend I helped one of my friends (Tracey) move into her new apartment. She was just moving from the first floor to the second floor. She and her roommate decided to go their separate ways, but it was an amicable ending. Prior to me arriving she had told me that most of the stuff had already been moved. I was skeptical because I know her and I know her kind. When I arrived I had some words for her! I couldn't beleive that she hadn't really packed as much as she could have and I couldn't believe that she thought the dining room table and chairs constituted "most". Once we got everything moved in we went to Chilli's to grab a bite to eat. (Not on the meal plan). When I woke up the next morning I went for a swim and to exercise in the onsite weight room. When I got back Tracey's mom fixed Newguy and I some banging turkey and cheese omletes. (Newguy is my friend's new beau. I'm not sure she's really into Newguy. I think she's just tired of being single. A couple of months ago Newguy wrecked her car, but that's a whole 'nother blog.). Later that day Tracey, her mom, Newguy and I went to the farmer's market to get some fresh veggies for lunch. We came back to the apartment and Tracey's mom cooked some squash, potatoes and we had some store bought, albeit succulent rotisserie chicken. (also not on the meal plan).That evening we met a mutual friend at Twisted Fork at Triangle Towne Center. I've never really been a fan of this place but Tracey likes it so I agreed. What's friendship without compromise? I had a cuban panini that had a thick stack of ham slices, pork loin, cheese and toasted bread on each side. (definetely not on the meal plan). We made plans to go to the movies the next day.

I had a workshop to attend from 8:30a-4:30p. We had bagels and cream cheese and stuff like that to snack on in addition to sodas, coffee and water to drink. I happen to like bagels and cream cheese so I helped myself to two. I also had a little Sprite and water to drink. (more stuff not on the meal plan). Before going to the movies that evening Tracey and I went to Firebirds or something like that at North Hills. I only ordered a salad, but still not on the meal plan. When I got back to Greensboro to weigh in, I had gained two pounds back that I had lost. Two pounds in one weekend! I must stick to my plan. I love hanging in Raleigh, but I cannot lose weight if I eat like that when I'm there. What makes it so bad is that I actually packed all the stuff I would need to eat for the few days that I was scheduled to be down there. I somehow though, never got around to that stuff.

Three down, sixteen to go

2007-06-22T08:02:00.000-06:00

So I'm trying to lose weight. On Tuesday my weight was 167 pounds. That means that I am overweight for my height. I'm only 5'6". I should weigh around 150 pounds. To that end, I am doing what I need to do to get myself to that target weight. I've adopted a diet to help me jumpstart the weight loss and I'm exercising daily. I'm also pretty much only drinking water and lots of it.Today I just weighed in at 164. I'm pleased and all the more determined now. Because of that small victory I now believe that I can do it. Once I drop the weight, I plan to tone everything up so that I can have the type of body that I want. The next goal is to weigh in at 157 pounds no later than July 4th. From there I want to be at the target weight no later than July 20th. If I should reach these milestones sooner, I'll be certain to let you know.

A Trip

2007-05-19T10:30:00.000-06:00

So I'm back from the ATL. I hung out with a friend of mine and one of her friends last night. It was really good to see members of my family. Even people from the side of the family that I don't fool with showed up. The interesting part is I didn't hear any cursing, arguing and there wasn't a fight. Score one for civilized family members. (I guess years of drug abuse and the ensuing health related issues has a subduing effect on ya.)

The wedding took place at a park under a gazebo. It was quaint. The ceremony was no more than 20 minutes although it started about 45 minutes late. Someone left the veil for the dress and they had to go back to retrieve it. After the ceremony why did I have to carry my chair from the gazebo to the reception hall. Everything took place on the grounds of the park but the trek to the building where we ate had to be 1/2 mile away from the gazebo. Now don't get me wrong. I can use some exercise. It's just that I've never been somewhere as a guest where I had to B.Y.O.C. (bring your own chair)!! The minister said none of the ladies should be carrying chairs and he urged the men to carry the chairs.

Why do people make those statements? My gender has absolutely nothing to do with what I "should" be doing. People are so stuck in gender roles. At the end of the day, how you treat people is all that really matters. Alas, I digress. Anyway, is there going to be a new rule that says everyone should travel with a folding chair and a folding table in their trunk? After all you never know when you'll get an invitation that says B.Y.O.C. / B.Y.O.T.

At some point after the reception was pretty much over and people had begun to make their way back home or elsewhere, there was this girl who said I reminded her of Bobby Valentino. I don't really see it. The only things we have in common are that we are short, have black hair and are both brown skinned. The crazy part is that I had been joking with my cousins earlier about how the paparazzi was stalking me. Most of them were outside when the girl was talking to me. She then asked me for a picture to show to her friends or whatnot. When she walked off I was like "Damned paparazzi!"

My cousins were in disbelief. Of course I acted like this sort of thing happened all the time. I found one of the people who was helping out at the wedding and asked who the girl was and who was checking the guest list because, of course, I didn't feel like the paparazzi stalking me....I continued on that lil paparzzi tirade for a little while.

Another interesting thing that was a trip was that my brother's new wife didn't approach my mother at the table to speak. Oh what a tangled web we weave said the spider to the fly. I'll keep ya posted on what happens next. They did eventually speak to each other but only when we were leaving as the young lady galavanted around the room talking to her friends and others, but never once walked her azz over to my mother to say cat, dog, bye---NOTHING! That is not a good sign, especially since that was my first time meeting her. When I introduced myself, as I could tell she had not intentions of approaching me, I gave her a hug and told her that I was Eric's older brother. She was like I know you. I had to correct her. She only knows of me. I think T.I. put it quite eloquently when he said, "Pussy nigga yown know me!" The realism is, she's in for a rude awakening if she pulls another stunt like that. She earned two strikes on the same day.

This is completely unrelated, but I hate when people volunteer me for something without asking me first. Even if I'm available, the fact that you volunteer me without clearing it first virtually ensures that I will not do whatever it is you volunteered me to do.

Wedding

2007-05-18T05:46:00.000-06:00

So I'm in Acworth, Georgia, for my younger brother's wedding. It's at two and I'm just kinda laying around the hotel chilling. Yesterday on the drive down there was a bad accident on 85S so I was literally parked on the highway for about two hours. If you've never been stuck in traffic that long you don't konw what you're missing. After a while people start getting out of their cars and migrating toward each other and perfect strangers strike up conversations extolling the quick response time of the emergency service vehicles arriving on the scene but cursing the snail's pace at which they can clear the road and get traffic flowing again. So anyway, after I got through that I checked into the hotel, grabbed a bite a Shoney's, made the obligatory small talk with family members and crashed.

I woke up this morning to the sound of someone banging on my hotel room door. I knew immediately that the police-like knock was from none other than my early to rise niece. She woke me (actually I was already awake, just in bed) to see if I wished to partake in the continental breakfast offered by the hotel. The realism is she just wanted to spend some time with me so I got up and got ready. While getting ready my mother knocked on my door with the same inquiry. I told her that I'd be getting ready and accompanying her.

Now I'm back in the room and just decided to blog.

Since I'm blogging, let me just ask something. Why does it seem that the people who don't really know anything are the ones who always get promoted? Or the people who's past performance has been lackluster at best?

On a positive note I got invited to the High Schools that Work conference this summer. Quick background: Major conference about all the good things high schools should be doing to be effective. Those in attendance are the gurus/know-it-alls in their respective roles. This will be a good opportunity to network and since it's in New Orleans, it will also be a good time to hang out. I hope they've taken care of all the E. coli bacteria and malaria virus and whatnot. Salmonella doesn't go with any of my outfits. Until later.

The Power of "If"

2007-05-13T01:44:00.000-06:00

Have you ever heard someone make a half-apology like this: "If I did something wrong/to offend you..."? Let's examine what's really going on in this person's head.

Prefacing the apology with if allows the apologizer to feel as if s/he actually did nothing wrong. If indicates uncertainty. It is almost as if they are only making the statement in an attempt to pacify you. Although they don't really feel any responsibility for how you feel, they are trying to be the bigger person to repair the rift in the broken relationship.

On the surface, the if-type apology sounds sincere. If you aren't careful the very elect might be fooled. (Bible reference, for those who didn't catch it) However, upon closer examination, you quickly realize that the person delivering the if apology doesn't really feel responsible for the current state of affairs in a relationship. More than likely, they probably feel that the person to whom they are issuing the if-apology is being over dramatic or unnecessarily sensitive. In a sense, they feel okay because they think they are saying what you want to hear--the I'm sorry part--but at the same time are playing a game of emotional semantics that builds distance between your feelings and their role in creating that space in which you reside.

This ability to almost apologize for some offense, regardless of the severity, speaks to the person's overall character. The person who consistently issues the if-apology is skilled at deceit. I submit to you that it is a great deception to deliver an apology that asks for forgiveness while at the same time subtly implies that the apologizer really did nothing wrong in the first place; the apologee just needs to develop a thicker skin and get over it.

I guess what's most disturbing is that the person who issues the if-apology really never has to admit his/her shortcomings, because in their mind it really isn't their fault. They just think that others are overly sensitive and need to be coddled. In many cases it is probably a lack of nurturing in their youth that causes them to distance themselves from emotion.

What a quixotic dream to think that someone who in their own mind never does anything wrong, can actually be sorry for something that they have done. The realism is, a person who issues if-apologies probably has much deeper issues than a mere refusal to accept responsibility for their actions. Someone recently gave me an if-apology and immediately I became indignant for the aforementioned reasons. Not only that, an if-apology has at is core a manipulative intention. You only issue the half-apology in an attempt to regain whatever trust you perceive you have lost. Once you feel that you have regained it, chances are that you will slip back into the old habits and the necessity for subsequent if-apologies will ensue.

I'm Gonna Get U Sucka!

2007-05-04T15:13:00.000-06:00

So, today at school we had a lot of kids either absent or sign out early to go home. Apparently there was a rumor floating around that some boy was going to blow up the school. Then, there was this other rumor that another boy was going to shoot up the school. These competing rumors had several students on edge. It was kind of odd to me because of the culture of our school. To understand what I'm talking about think "Lean On Me" and you have the idea of the type of school at which I work. (I almost wrote "...that I work in", but the compulsive grammar freak that lies within wouldn't let me end a sentence with a preposition) How can these bad azz wanna be gangstas be afraid because someone made a threat? Now, I realize we live in a different world now and that we have to take threats that people make seriously. I was just taken aback that these hardcore wanna be thugs would be running scared!

They have this saying that they use called, "..testin' my gangsta." Let me use it in a scenario in case you've never heard it or don't know what it means.

Person one: If you don't shut up I'm gonna slap you.
Person two: You're gonna slap who? You ain't gonna slap nobody.
Person one: Don't be testing my gangsta!

I guess it's like don't test me to see whether or not I'm brave or have heart. Well anyway, like I said a lot of them stayed home or left early. I can't wait until Monday to let them know that someone threatened them and instead of them staying at school they ran like some #*&^!@%. It did make for an easy day though.

A Change Gonna Come

2007-04-24T16:12:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite artists is Sam Cooke. Even though he recorded albums long before my arrival on earth, I like the way the songs he sang seem to just have been tailor made for him. Today I've been listening to his greatest hits cd. That's where the inspiration came from for the title.

The job: One of the persons who works with me will not be returning this year. Of course this is not the only person who will not be returning, but this person holds a pretty high position in the school. Now that she will not be returning, I'm curious as to who will be found to replace her and what things they can bring to the position. The person who is currently in the position does a good job, but she is overworked and underpaid. There just isn't enough time in the day for her to do everything. Well actually, there would be enough time if she did only the things that were in her job description instead of being given administrative tasks to do all the time. Without out the extra work she would be in a better position to focus on what she should be doing--helping teachers.

I haven't checked in much on the home front lately. One of the main reasons is that I just don't want too much to do with that down there. I disagree with the decision that my mother made, but I do respect it. We each have to live our own lives and people need to do what they feel is best for them. Because I disagree and I don't have very much nice to say to or about him*, I just don't call very much because I'm just not feeling it at all. I'm not bitter. I'm just not feeling it, if that makes any sense. some might argue that I must be bitter, but that isn't the case. When I turn your page, then it's over. Come hell or high water, it's over!

I did learn that the doctors were recommending amputation one of his* toes or either one of his* feet. This may seem harsh, but I really only want my brothers and sisters to call me about his* situation when it is near death. Call me when we he's* on life support and we need to make a decision. Of course, I'm voting to pull the plug. My argument, should that time arise, will be that we must "...accept what God allows."

Lord if there is any hatred in my heart, please remove it. I can honestly say that there is no hatred that I perceive. But, if there is, I would like it moved because I know that I can't make it in that way. (If you don't know what I'm referring to by make it in, I mean Heaven.) One of the truest sayings on earth is that time heals all wounds. I'm still healing. It's still gonna take a while.

FYI, one of the things that I need to add to my list of dislikes is a hypocrite. I absolutely cannot stand a hypocrite! That is one of the non profane words that I can use to describe him*. He absolutely embodies the term.

I'm not going to expend energy though being upset. I'm going to find ways to heal so that I will not repeat the mistakes of the past and be the best man that I can be. At the end of the day, that's all I want. I want to be the type of man of whom God and my mother can be proud. The realism is, I'm learning a little more about becoming that man each day. I constantly learn more things about myself.

Off the subject, my back is still hurting a little bit. I presume it's from that fall that I had a few weeks back.

The African Children's Choir

2007-04-15T18:51:00.000-06:00

So, I've slacked off on the posting. What else is new? Today I graded some papers, keyed in the grades and tomorrow I'm going to distribute progress reports to anyone in my AFM class who is failing. We don't want to have any drama toward the end of the nine weeks. I had a filling meal today of not tender enough roast, macaroni and cheese, okra, rice and gravy.

Yesterday a colleague invited me to attend a performance at a sister/partner church of theirs in Durham. Me and some others went down and the performance was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was the African Children's Choir in concert. If you aren't familiar with the ACC, every 15 months a new choir is commissioned with new children. Typically the childrens' ages range from 10 - 12. In this year's cohort there are 9 males and 12 females. The children hail from Uganda, Rwanda and various other countries in Africa. The inaugural choir first performed in 1984. The children travel around the US singing and raising money to send back to African to fund research into stopping the spread of AIDS and to helping find a cure. While the children stay here in the US they study, pray, rehearse their songs and are involved in academic pursuits.

Because the children are of African origin, the children donned intricate stage clothes and their songs were accompanied by dance that I assume is real "African" dance--definitely no Americanized.

Blow by blow

2007-04-06T08:23:00.000-06:00

Monday: Went to drop off my W-2 forms to an old coworker of mine. Her mate does taxes and had agreed to prepare mine. Dropped clothes off at the cleaners, which by the way is no longer the $1.50 cleaners but is now the $1.60 cleaners. I had never been to this cleaners before, but I had seen it. When I got inside the first thing I saw was a large sign that said payment must be made when you put the clothes in to be cleaned. I thought it odd that I had to pay before I received the service.

Tuesday: Chilled at home. Cooked me some salmon patties, rice and corn. It was banging. Procrastinated about some work that I had to turn in, then finally got started on it. I knew I had to at least start it today if I wanted to finish it by tomorrow. Got the code to compile and run.

Wednesday: Went to the job because my printer is out of toner. It has been out of toner for like 8 months so I've just been using the school's stuff. Every now and then I might shake the toner cartridge, but most of the time I just go to the school. When I got to the building I saw Mrs. W in the front office. I estimate that she's about 65 or so, but she looks really good for her age(or at least the age I think she might be based on how she speaks). She works in another area of the school but was filling in because the front office staff is on spring break. This lady has such presence. I can hardly leave once she starts talking because she's so animated and so entertaining. She knows everything that is going on in the building, in the town and on the news. I finally managed to pry myself away from her so that I could go to my classroom and get the rest of my work done. I finished my work and said my goodbyes and was on my way.

Thursday: I got a call (message) from my old coworker letting me know that she didn't see my W-2 forms. She wanted to know if I changed my mind and picked them back up because she said she saw the note I left, but didn't see the forms themselves. Well when I heard the message after I left the barber shop I promptly raced over to her job to give her copies of my W-2 forms, all the while kicking myself for leaving my information out without securing it properly. I placed it in her chair under her sweater. In my mind I was thinking that would be okay because the placed looked quiet and I didn't really see a lot of people standing around outside the room. So I left them there and just closed the door. Well my mind started running and made me imagine someone sneaking in the room and rifling through her things, finding my information in some diabolic scheme to steal my identity/or do some unsavory things to adversely affect my credit history.

Prior to me leaving to go to the barbershop and over to her job, I returned a missed call to my brother. He needed to borrow some money. Why was it just a little bit more than the same amount that I had budgeted for my trip to the atl? Plans CANCELLED! I had planned to leave after leaving the barbershop, but I changed my mind and decided to just stay here. Since I only get paid once a month I have to spend money according to the day. When I spend I have to check the calendar. I don't like to spend hundred of dollars on shopping or whatever and it's only the 5th of the month. That needs to wait until the 15th or so. The closer I get to pay day the easier it is for me to spend.

Friday: Woke up thinking about how I said I was gonna blog more. The realism is that I haven't. To make up for not blogging as much I decided to do a run down of what I could remember from this week. I hope I can forgive me. I said 'me' because I'm the only person who really reads the blog.

Week Wrap Up

2007-03-30T20:31:00.000-06:00

Today we start our spring break from work. This has been a long time coming. I came home today, undressed and just chilled. As a matter of fact, I'm still just kinda chillin. I opted not to go to Moultrie to attend my great aunt's funeral. Before you start being all judgemental saying how I'm wrong, just hear me out. I don't like to drive long distances. It would take me about nine hours to get to where the funeral is being held on tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. I saw her last this past Christmas. I'm glad I saw her and I'm at peace with it. It doesn't mean anything that I'm not going to be in attendance except that I just don't feel like that long ride.Even though I'm off from work, I still have obligations here in the 'boro. It would have been a lot on me to drive down there for Saturday and need to be back here on Monday.

When I went to work today I closed my door and got to work. I had to finish my grades and whenever I'm working on a tedious task, I like to have quiet so that I can focus on what I'm doing and finish as quickly as possible.

I'm happy that I finally turned in some paper work that I had been carrying around for almost two months. I'm such a procrastinator. I always make excuses for why I can't turn it in today and just kept putting it off. I'm also relieved to find out that my driving privilege has been reinstated. These police officers better watch out! Stop me if you think you bad cause I'ma have some words for the next officer who stops me for driving while black. One time I was even asked to take a sobriety test, which of course I passed because I was not drunk. The next time an officer asks me to do a sobriety test I will refuse to comply. I'm going to tell him, "I ain't playin' yo monkey games. I will take a breathalyzer, but I will not subject myself to these degrading exercises." If I don't say that verbatim, it'll be close.

What do ya'll think about this Inmate Idle? If you haven't heard there's this prison that has allowed it's nonviolent offenders to participate in a contest that is based on the popular television show American Idol. I'm not sure what the winner will receive (early release 5-10 instead of 8-15?), but I guess I'm cool with them having a way to channel their energy into something other than harming each other.

Early last Sunday morning, I dreamed about death. Specifically the death of the man who they say is my father. The dream even provided me a range of the time for him to die: from March 22 to March 30. Well today is March 31 and he called me. Needless to say, my dream did not come true. Even though the dream focused on him, maybe it was a sign about the great aunt who died on Tuesday. Sometimes dreams use a particular person/event to represent another person/event. Maybe that's what happened here. I had my hopes up though.

I need to start doing posts that are more upbeat. Tomorrow I need to be fitted for a tux because I'm the best man for my brother's wedding. Gotta have my sexy on. If I get my business handled by Tuesday, I think I might go out of town on Wednesday. I want to go to Six Flags in atl. I haven't been to a theme part in about two years. Theme parks are one of the things in life that make me happy. The realism is, I trust so few people to go out of town with, that if my regulars are unavailable, I just may have to go by myself. I don't really have a problem with that though. Some of my friends can't imagine doing things on their own. And if I did roll solo, I could do some digging around you know who to see what she's living like and whether or not there's space for me.

I have so many clothes that need to be washed that it makes no sense. I guess it's a blessing though that I can go for over a month without washing clothes and still be okay. I've got to try to make sure that I don't let these clothes pile up like this again. A part of me knows though, that this will inevitably happen again because that's just how I do.

Why did one of my students call me last night to ask me about a jacket? I was too outdone. Holla atcha lata.

I'm Back

2007-03-26T15:03:00.000-06:00

So I've just been working and stuff over the past couple of weeks. You should see the inside of my bedroom. There are clothes everywhere! When I get home from work I just strip and hop in the bed. I usually watch a little t.v. (or let it watch me) and just kinda unwind. As a result of the routine that I have used for the past several days, my bedroom is in disarray. I'll try to fix that some time in the near future.

Anyway, this weekend was pretty cool. Some peoples we know came back home to visit. We just all hung out or whatever and played catch-up. Everybody in the group seems to be doing pretty good so I was pleased about that. One person is doing extremely well job wise. I'm happy for him. I hate to see when someone starts doing well other people get jealous.

There wasn't very much drama and so I enjoyed myself. Me and one of my main roll dogs went over to T's house to get ready to go out. Stop acting like ya'll don't know what that means. When we say get ready we mean to partake in some libations in preparation of the ensuing evening. After that we went back to our spot (I'm there so much I call it home) to get dressed. After she and I debated for a while we decided to just call it an early night.

The next day (Sunday) I got up to get ready for church. After church we met up with our peeps again and had lunch before everybody had to go their separate ways.

In between all of this I was somewhat preoccupied, particularly Sunday morning because I knew I had some work that HAD to be finished by Monday afternoon. True to myself, I had waited until the eleventh hour to begin. I just let from turning in the assignment a little while ago and so now all is right with the world. I'll keep you guys posted and I'll make sure I blog more often.

I think the reason that I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks is that I was just in a real reflective place. The realism is I wasn't sure how I was feeling about life in general and I didn't want to bring any negative energy to blogworld. So now since I'm in different space, I'm back on to blogging at least three times per week I hope. Until the next time....

Update

2007-03-14T16:22:00.000-06:00

So the plan was a trip to try to get things to end by exploring legal options. I spoke with her and she assured me that everything was okay and not to worry. The past is the past, so to speak. Her focus right now is to help him become independent through the therapy and whatever. Maybe I didn't mention it before, but he is also like 90% blind. She said she was fine and I believed her. I was able to release the sleepless nights and the plotting and scheming just with her saying that everything was okay. Like I said, I believed her.

The workday started with an early morning meeting. It was kinda funny because the lady we were meeting with all but refused to address our concerns. She probably doesn't think we know what we're talking about. Can you guess her race? Can you guess ours? (The group of people who work with me). Why do they think that we don't know anything?

The day went pretty smoothly for me. I wasn't tormented and distracted by thoughts of what I should do to rescue her. I did have one of my students to go to lunch and not return. Oh, we can't have that! I'm going to get him tomorrow. I have to come up with something really good. He's a nice young man, but the realism is he must be punished.

Let me clarify

2007-03-11T14:50:00.000-06:00

When I said in the post on 03/04/07, that I grew up in an abusive household at the time I meant emotional/mental abuse. I learned this week though that in fact, it included physical abuse as well. I was oblivious to this. I had no earthly idea. A part of me wonders how she was able to hide it. After I got over the initial shock of it (actually I'm still a little discombobulated), I decided to go put a plan into action. I don't want to reveal too many of my cards right now, but I'll update you all later this week on how phase one of my plan goes.

Until then, pray for me. Pray for her. Pray for my siblings. Even pray the God has mercy on his soul. I'm so happy that I can honestly say that I'm not bitter. I thank God for that. We cannot undo the past, but we can stack the deck in our favor for the future. If my plan works, I'm gonna have a shout that won't wait!

In other news, I went to the MEAC championship game last night in Raleigh. It was okay. We got VIP treatment. Yeah, I know it's not like it was the Grammy Awards or anything, but it was kinda cool. You know, separate entrance, different parking lot, special floor seating, a box with a nice food spread--all the stuff that I assume is customary with VIP treatment. I wouldn't know, since it was my first time. Also Regina Bell was there. She sung that song from Aladdin--you know the one I'm talking 'bout. I can't remember the name. The one that's a duet. I think it starts off like, "I can show you the world..."

This week promises to be quite busy for me. We have the writing test on Tuesday, early release on Wednesday, a meeting early Wednesday morning, I have classes on Monday and Wednesday, I need to get my taxes done this week and get my brake pads and rotors put on my car. It would have been done on Saturday, but the guy waited too long to call me. He didn't call me until around 1 something when he said he'd call by eleven that morning. Mind you I made a blank trip over there around 9 something that morning. I only made the trip because they should have had what I needed by that time since it had been a week or so since I asked them to order the parts. The realism is they probably ordered the parts that same day, which is why he couldn't call me til 1 or so because he had to go pick up the parts. Like I oftentimes say, "We just gon do whateva."

How I'm Livin'

2007-03-10T09:41:00.000-05:00

Since Thursday I haven't slept very much due to the shocking revelation of which I learned recently. I promise I'll fill everyone in later. Just know that now I am feeling well and am in pretty good spirits. I am currently devising a plan to put right what once went wrong...

In other news:

* Why is there so much drama on the job? The way they rate people is based on how high your test scores are. The problem with that type of rating system is that with each new set of kids everything is different. So you're really only as good as the last set of test scores. That makes it easy to fall out of the good graces.

* I am not fond of manual labor. I agreed to help a friend move some furniture this morning. I wish she'd hurry up and get ready so we can get started. That's the reason I decided to blog--because she's taking her sweet time.

* For anyone else who was actually a Whitney fan, did you believe the story about her and Ray J? By the way, when is her new album coming out? I hope she records "Family First" again. (You know, the song from Daddy's Little Girl's)

* I'm already looking forward to the holidays this year. Somehow, I have a feeling that everything is going to be so much better this time around.

* My old college roommate (the first one) gave me a call earlier this week. I have yet to return his call. It's just because I've been so preoccupied. I definitely have to make time today to give him a holla. I treated him like a brother, as he did me. He would always encourage me to go to class--even when his lazy, unmotivated self had no intention of going himself. I got much love for him.

* I'm going to round up some of my good friends for a road trip. I'm thinking a theme park. Sort of a celebration.

Be good everybody. The realism is, though, I won't know whether you've been naughty or nice. As a matter of fact we're all naughty at some point. The challenge is to make sure that those times don't outweigh the times when you behave nicely. Honestly, right now, I'm in kind of a quiet, reflective place. Gotta keep a clear head for what is to come.

Disbelief

2007-03-09T04:44:00.000-05:00

When we were in college we had a saying that when you found out something shocking or if someone, usually playfully, told you off we'd say it/the person "...turned my life around." I found out something yesterday that had the same affect on me. It kinda stayed with me all day. The realism is I was completely devastated. I just couldn't believe what I heard. I'm definitely going to share it, but not at this time. In light of what I learned I have some wrangling to do to get my ducks in a row so to speak. I can say that when my plan comes together there will definitely be a celebration. Come what may, it is my intention to see this through. It's interesting how something negative can sometimes be the best motivation to make some life changes.

I Dream Of

2007-03-08T04:32:00.000-05:00

Earlier this morning I had a dream. Some friends and I were at a restaurant. From the looks of things conversation seemed to be light and we seemed to be enjoying our time so far. We had a waiter named James. Interesting, right? Well James became upset with us, particularly me at some point because he felt like we wanted too much attention. Words were exchanged and he left. Soon another waiter, a female came over to the table to check on us. She asked me what happened. I explained my side of the story as best I could to her. After listening to me she couldn't understand why James (the waiter) reacted like he did. Before she came to this conclusion, she had a little attitude too. I guess it was because of the loyalty she had for her fellow server. I had to calm her down and get her focused on what I was telling her. After I did, like I said earlier, she couldn't understand James' reaction. I asked her where he was because I wanted to smooth things out before I left. I couldn't find him and the dream ended. The realism is that this whole situation is probably a metaphor for something else. I wonder what. Any thoughts?

The Truth: Not from Concentrate

2007-03-04T04:23:00.000-05:00

I could post more often but it takes me a couple of days to decide what to write about. I don't imagine it's because I have such an uneventful life, but rather it's because I'm so busy trying to filter the information that I put out. I feel like I am continuing to repeat the pattern. I have a tendency to not fully express how I'm feeling because I like to present an image that says that I have it together. Honestly, for the most part I do. It's just that there's some stuff from the past, a lil baggage if you will, that I've been lugging for quite some time. Since my back is starting to hurt, I guess it's time that I needs be getting rid of it. So, blogworld, that's one of the things that I resolve to do. I'll start to try to unload some of this emotional stuff. I wonder how life will be when I don't have to carry around this heavy stuff any longer. Having borne it for such a long time, I wonder if I'll know how to actually let it go.

Here goes a start. I grew up in an abusive household. I had to pause after I typed that line to make sure that I wanted to keep the line and continue with some of my truths. You've heard me refer to him* --and for those of you who nodded off or haven't been playing close attention, him* is the one who they insist is my father. My life has felt like a series of contradictions. Him* is a preacher, but used to work as a counselor. (I know right, how is someone who is so messed up himself going to effectively counsel anyone?) Having to deal with the constant badgering, cursing, arguing, mean-spiritedness, hurtful words, etc., was such a far cry from the shell of the man who faithfully stood in the pulpit each Sunday to delineate the many evils of secular living/worldliness.

I could never come to grips with how someone could say one thing publicly and do something altogether different in private. I'm not sure that I'll ever understand that type of thinking, because I believe in being honest and transparent. I can see why he behaved as he did though. I mean, if his private life was exposed to the people in the public life, he would be frowned upon. Who wants to say that their pastor/preacher emotionally abuses his family? If I could play a tape of some of the things that have gone on in the past, any reasonably objective person would ask whether he is really a preacher.

Quick story: (Don't I always have a quick story?) Besides being evil incarnate, him* has a passion for sports, mainly football. I was never that into football. I played as a youngster and even showed promise, but it was simply not my interest. Looking back I think a part of the reason I didn't want to play was to aggravate him. I so despised being in his presence and loathed anything he liked, that I made sure not to like anything that he did so as to limit out interaction. One day my two brothers and I (by the way, they're twins) were at a barbershop. My older sister had taken us, but it was close to time for her to go to work and we had not gotten our haircuts yet. She called him to ask him to come and get us. His reply? I'm watching football. I always knew he like football a lot. But come on, we're your offspring. Your seed. You would rather us look like woolly mammoths than miss a little bit of one measly football game? The realism is, his action-answer was yes. My sister had to call her job to tell them she would be late, so that we could get our hair cut and she could take us back home.

So you say, well that's not so bad. I thought this was going to be deep and emotional. As I said earlier, this is the start of a series of posts. By the way they may not all be in succession, but there will be a couple of posts on the topic. This particular story may seem trivial to some, but it speaks to the position to which the other members of the family were relegated: last place. It speaks to the selfishness that he has. I need to add selfishness to my list of dislikes.

Psuedorandom Musings

2007-02-27T06:50:00.000-05:00

1. Why is it that when you tell somebody something they have a tendency to discredit what you have said? When someone of a different race (white or Asian) or in a higher position tells them the exact same thing, then it's suddenly the gospel truth.

2. Have you ever lived with someone whom you felt like you were rearing? (Southern people say 'raising', but you raise sugar cane and sheep. You actually 'rear' people).

3. I wish a police officer would pull me over for anything. Now that I'm back on the right side of the legitness (is that a word) as far as my license is concerned, I will be in a position to verbally thrash any officer who pulls me over for no good reason at all. I'm getting badge numbers, superior officers, tag numbers, etc., and am definitely going to accuse them of pulling me for driving while black.

4. Why did one of my students take another student's paper, erase his name and replace it with his own name? The thing is, the student who erased the other person's name didn't even erase it good. How foolish can you be?

5. For some strange reason when I go out looking for things to wear, I usually return uncharacteristically empty handed. Things just don't seem to suit me anymore. Pardon the pun.

6. When you forgive someone, but find it hard to forget the infraction that initially caused you the pain, do you believe that is indicative of unforgiveness? I don't. I think you'd be a fool to try to forget what cause the problem in the first place. By remembering, you are able to guard your emotions against such damage in the future. Any thoughts?

7. I can cook a mean turkey leg.

8. It's been a while since we last spoke. Maybe I'll make the first move.

9. If you make a simple request of someone and they constantly defy the request, is that a sign of their disdain for you, their need to assert their own authority or a combination of the two?