As Promised, Christmas Story

Three blogs ago I said I'd tell you all what happened when I went home for Christmas. Being a man of my word, I'll do just that. So we typically always meet up for Christmas at either my mom's place, my deceased grandmother's place or one of the aunts' places. Christmas 2008 was held at an aunt's place in Albany, Georgia. This place is about 4 hours from where my mom stays in Georgia so it didn't make a whole lot of sense for me to fly to my mom and then ride down to Albany an additional 4 hours. I decided to fly to Atlanta and drive to Albany from there--about 2.5 hours. A direct flight to Albany would have probably cost me about $150 more. I have family in the A, so it was not problem for me to hop a ride with one of the cousins.

Anyway I arrived in Albany on Christmas morning. My mom and him arrived maybe around 1:00 p.m. When they came in the house I greeted everyone in their party. Three uncles and him accompanied my mom. All though I spoke to him grudgingly, I did at least acknowledge his presence. It was all I could do to muster that up. Him's hearing is going bad in addition to the myriad of other health related, evilness induced challenges he has. As a reminder, ever the consummate teacher, let's have a quick review. Double amputations in both legs, kidney failure, on dialysis, legally blind and I think one or two fingers are missing too. Anyway, he apparently didn't hear me. Not my issue.

We ate and opened presents. The tradition is that we all sit around and read off each name and ooh and aah over every single gift. It usually takes 3 - 4 hours but it's time well spent. I heard him ask my mom if she checked on 'that situation' they discussed. Let me bring you up to speed. JayBee = 'that situation'. So anyway, him told her she didn't have to say anything, just be observant. I figured that their conversation centered around me not speaking to him and how he felt about it. Clearly I don't give a sh@t about how him feels about anything so I made no moves to make him feel any differently.

**********************************************************************
(time elapse, you know like how they do in books)

So when it was about time for them to leave, my mom asked me if I spoke to him. I told her that I did. Ever trying to be the mediator she asked if he heard me. Of course I told her that I couldn't speak for him and wouldn't attempt to do so. She requested that I tell him goodbye before they pulled off to go back to my grandmother's. I was lying down when we had this conversation. I remarked that she could just leave and go back and pretend that I was asleep because if I were asleep I wouldn't be expected to wake up and give a benediction over the day. Of course I can't really say no to mama so I complied, but not without trying to help her understand more about how I feel.

I let her know that him has no right to make a big deal out of me not speaking to him. I never do. Why would him's expectation be that today would be any different? Him's issue with me not speaking to him is 'how it looks to the [extended] family.' That's just the bullshit I'm talkin' about. Everyone else is fully aware of how I feel. This imaginary audience for whom we're supposed to be performing DOES NOT EXIST. It is this fakeness that I rebelled against as a child and I'll not continue to participate in it as an adult. Moreover, with him acting like I'm such a disrespectful muthafucka of a son, it allows him to play the victim. As if someone drug him through years of a horrible existence and not the other way around. Unacceptable.

She understood that. I didn't use any profanity, but she clearly understood what I was saying. It seemed to be a turning point in our relationship because I had began to withdraw from her because she continued to try to push me to engage with someone with whom I didn't desire. She doesn't push it anymore and hasn't since that date. Three months strong. Not a single mention of 'talking to your father' or any of its derivatives.

Peace of mind. You are why I find pleasure in the simple things in life.