Friday, March 30, 2007

Week Wrap Up

Today we start our spring break from work. This has been a long time coming. I came home today, undressed and just chilled. As a matter of fact, I'm still just kinda chillin. I opted not to go to Moultrie to attend my great aunt's funeral. Before you start being all judgemental saying how I'm wrong, just hear me out. I don't like to drive long distances. It would take me about nine hours to get to where the funeral is being held on tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. I saw her last this past Christmas. I'm glad I saw her and I'm at peace with it. It doesn't mean anything that I'm not going to be in attendance except that I just don't feel like that long ride.Even though I'm off from work, I still have obligations here in the 'boro. It would have been a lot on me to drive down there for Saturday and need to be back here on Monday.

When I went to work today I closed my door and got to work. I had to finish my grades and whenever I'm working on a tedious task, I like to have quiet so that I can focus on what I'm doing and finish as quickly as possible.

I'm happy that I finally turned in some paper work that I had been carrying around for almost two months. I'm such a procrastinator. I always make excuses for why I can't turn it in today and just kept putting it off. I'm also relieved to find out that my driving privilege has been reinstated. These police officers better watch out! Stop me if you think you bad cause I'ma have some words for the next officer who stops me for driving while black. One time I was even asked to take a sobriety test, which of course I passed because I was not drunk. The next time an officer asks me to do a sobriety test I will refuse to comply. I'm going to tell him, "I ain't playin' yo monkey games. I will take a breathalyzer, but I will not subject myself to these degrading exercises." If I don't say that verbatim, it'll be close.

What do ya'll think about this Inmate Idle? If you haven't heard there's this prison that has allowed it's nonviolent offenders to participate in a contest that is based on the popular television show American Idol. I'm not sure what the winner will receive (early release 5-10 instead of 8-15?), but I guess I'm cool with them having a way to channel their energy into something other than harming each other.

Early last Sunday morning, I dreamed about death. Specifically the death of the man who they say is my father. The dream even provided me a range of the time for him to die: from March 22 to March 30. Well today is March 31 and he called me. Needless to say, my dream did not come true. Even though the dream focused on him, maybe it was a sign about the great aunt who died on Tuesday. Sometimes dreams use a particular person/event to represent another person/event. Maybe that's what happened here. I had my hopes up though.

I need to start doing posts that are more upbeat. Tomorrow I need to be fitted for a tux because I'm the best man for my brother's wedding. Gotta have my sexy on. If I get my business handled by Tuesday, I think I might go out of town on Wednesday. I want to go to Six Flags in atl. I haven't been to a theme part in about two years. Theme parks are one of the things in life that make me happy. The realism is, I trust so few people to go out of town with, that if my regulars are unavailable, I just may have to go by myself. I don't really have a problem with that though. Some of my friends can't imagine doing things on their own. And if I did roll solo, I could do some digging around you know who to see what she's living like and whether or not there's space for me.

I have so many clothes that need to be washed that it makes no sense. I guess it's a blessing though that I can go for over a month without washing clothes and still be okay. I've got to try to make sure that I don't let these clothes pile up like this again. A part of me knows though, that this will inevitably happen again because that's just how I do.

Why did one of my students call me last night to ask me about a jacket? I was too outdone. Holla atcha lata.

Monday, March 26, 2007

I'm Back

So I've just been working and stuff over the past couple of weeks. You should see the inside of my bedroom. There are clothes everywhere! When I get home from work I just strip and hop in the bed. I usually watch a little t.v. (or let it watch me) and just kinda unwind. As a result of the routine that I have used for the past several days, my bedroom is in disarray. I'll try to fix that some time in the near future.

Anyway, this weekend was pretty cool. Some peoples we know came back home to visit. We just all hung out or whatever and played catch-up. Everybody in the group seems to be doing pretty good so I was pleased about that. One person is doing extremely well job wise. I'm happy for him. I hate to see when someone starts doing well other people get jealous.

There wasn't very much drama and so I enjoyed myself. Me and one of my main roll dogs went over to T's house to get ready to go out. Stop acting like ya'll don't know what that means. When we say get ready we mean to partake in some libations in preparation of the ensuing evening. After that we went back to our spot (I'm there so much I call it home) to get dressed. After she and I debated for a while we decided to just call it an early night.

The next day (Sunday) I got up to get ready for church. After church we met up with our peeps again and had lunch before everybody had to go their separate ways.

In between all of this I was somewhat preoccupied, particularly Sunday morning because I knew I had some work that HAD to be finished by Monday afternoon. True to myself, I had waited until the eleventh hour to begin. I just let from turning in the assignment a little while ago and so now all is right with the world. I'll keep you guys posted and I'll make sure I blog more often.

I think the reason that I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks is that I was just in a real reflective place. The realism is I wasn't sure how I was feeling about life in general and I didn't want to bring any negative energy to blogworld. So now since I'm in different space, I'm back on to blogging at least three times per week I hope. Until the next time....

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


So the plan was a trip to try to get things to end by exploring legal options. I spoke with her and she assured me that everything was okay and not to worry. The past is the past, so to speak. Her focus right now is to help him become independent through the therapy and whatever. Maybe I didn't mention it before, but he is also like 90% blind. She said she was fine and I believed her. I was able to release the sleepless nights and the plotting and scheming just with her saying that everything was okay. Like I said, I believed her.

The workday started with an early morning meeting. It was kinda funny because the lady we were meeting with all but refused to address our concerns. She probably doesn't think we know what we're talking about. Can you guess her race? Can you guess ours? (The group of people who work with me). Why do they think that we don't know anything?

The day went pretty smoothly for me. I wasn't tormented and distracted by thoughts of what I should do to rescue her. I did have one of my students to go to lunch and not return. Oh, we can't have that! I'm going to get him tomorrow. I have to come up with something really good. He's a nice young man, but the realism is he must be punished.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Let me clarify

When I said in the post on 03/04/07, that I grew up in an abusive household at the time I meant emotional/mental abuse. I learned this week though that in fact, it included physical abuse as well. I was oblivious to this. I had no earthly idea. A part of me wonders how she was able to hide it. After I got over the initial shock of it (actually I'm still a little discombobulated), I decided to go put a plan into action. I don't want to reveal too many of my cards right now, but I'll update you all later this week on how phase one of my plan goes.

Until then, pray for me. Pray for her. Pray for my siblings. Even pray the God has mercy on his soul. I'm so happy that I can honestly say that I'm not bitter. I thank God for that. We cannot undo the past, but we can stack the deck in our favor for the future. If my plan works, I'm gonna have a shout that won't wait!

In other news, I went to the MEAC championship game last night in Raleigh. It was okay. We got VIP treatment. Yeah, I know it's not like it was the Grammy Awards or anything, but it was kinda cool. You know, separate entrance, different parking lot, special floor seating, a box with a nice food spread--all the stuff that I assume is customary with VIP treatment. I wouldn't know, since it was my first time. Also Regina Bell was there. She sung that song from Aladdin--you know the one I'm talking 'bout. I can't remember the name. The one that's a duet. I think it starts off like, "I can show you the world..."

This week promises to be quite busy for me. We have the writing test on Tuesday, early release on Wednesday, a meeting early Wednesday morning, I have classes on Monday and Wednesday, I need to get my taxes done this week and get my brake pads and rotors put on my car. It would have been done on Saturday, but the guy waited too long to call me. He didn't call me until around 1 something when he said he'd call by eleven that morning. Mind you I made a blank trip over there around 9 something that morning. I only made the trip because they should have had what I needed by that time since it had been a week or so since I asked them to order the parts. The realism is they probably ordered the parts that same day, which is why he couldn't call me til 1 or so because he had to go pick up the parts. Like I oftentimes say, "We just gon do whateva."

Saturday, March 10, 2007

How I'm Livin'

Since Thursday I haven't slept very much due to the shocking revelation of which I learned recently. I promise I'll fill everyone in later. Just know that now I am feeling well and am in pretty good spirits. I am currently devising a plan to put right what once went wrong...

In other news:

* Why is there so much drama on the job? The way they rate people is based on how high your test scores are. The problem with that type of rating system is that with each new set of kids everything is different. So you're really only as good as the last set of test scores. That makes it easy to fall out of the good graces.

* I am not fond of manual labor. I agreed to help a friend move some furniture this morning. I wish she'd hurry up and get ready so we can get started. That's the reason I decided to blog--because she's taking her sweet time.

* For anyone else who was actually a Whitney fan, did you believe the story about her and Ray J? By the way, when is her new album coming out? I hope she records "Family First" again. (You know, the song from Daddy's Little Girl's)

* I'm already looking forward to the holidays this year. Somehow, I have a feeling that everything is going to be so much better this time around.

* My old college roommate (the first one) gave me a call earlier this week. I have yet to return his call. It's just because I've been so preoccupied. I definitely have to make time today to give him a holla. I treated him like a brother, as he did me. He would always encourage me to go to class--even when his lazy, unmotivated self had no intention of going himself. I got much love for him.

* I'm going to round up some of my good friends for a road trip. I'm thinking a theme park. Sort of a celebration.

Be good everybody. The realism is, though, I won't know whether you've been naughty or nice. As a matter of fact we're all naughty at some point. The challenge is to make sure that those times don't outweigh the times when you behave nicely. Honestly, right now, I'm in kind of a quiet, reflective place. Gotta keep a clear head for what is to come.

Friday, March 9, 2007


When we were in college we had a saying that when you found out something shocking or if someone, usually playfully, told you off we'd say it/the person "...turned my life around." I found out something yesterday that had the same affect on me. It kinda stayed with me all day. The realism is I was completely devastated. I just couldn't believe what I heard. I'm definitely going to share it, but not at this time. In light of what I learned I have some wrangling to do to get my ducks in a row so to speak. I can say that when my plan comes together there will definitely be a celebration. Come what may, it is my intention to see this through. It's interesting how something negative can sometimes be the best motivation to make some life changes.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

I Dream Of

Earlier this morning I had a dream. Some friends and I were at a restaurant. From the looks of things conversation seemed to be light and we seemed to be enjoying our time so far. We had a waiter named James. Interesting, right? Well James became upset with us, particularly me at some point because he felt like we wanted too much attention. Words were exchanged and he left. Soon another waiter, a female came over to the table to check on us. She asked me what happened. I explained my side of the story as best I could to her. After listening to me she couldn't understand why James (the waiter) reacted like he did. Before she came to this conclusion, she had a little attitude too. I guess it was because of the loyalty she had for her fellow server. I had to calm her down and get her focused on what I was telling her. After I did, like I said earlier, she couldn't understand James' reaction. I asked her where he was because I wanted to smooth things out before I left. I couldn't find him and the dream ended. The realism is that this whole situation is probably a metaphor for something else. I wonder what. Any thoughts?

Sunday, March 4, 2007

The Truth: Not from Concentrate

I could post more often but it takes me a couple of days to decide what to write about. I don't imagine it's because I have such an uneventful life, but rather it's because I'm so busy trying to filter the information that I put out. I feel like I am continuing to repeat the pattern. I have a tendency to not fully express how I'm feeling because I like to present an image that says that I have it together. Honestly, for the most part I do. It's just that there's some stuff from the past, a lil baggage if you will, that I've been lugging for quite some time. Since my back is starting to hurt, I guess it's time that I needs be getting rid of it. So, blogworld, that's one of the things that I resolve to do. I'll start to try to unload some of this emotional stuff. I wonder how life will be when I don't have to carry around this heavy stuff any longer. Having borne it for such a long time, I wonder if I'll know how to actually let it go.

Here goes a start. I grew up in an abusive household. I had to pause after I typed that line to make sure that I wanted to keep the line and continue with some of my truths. You've heard me refer to him* --and for those of you who nodded off or haven't been playing close attention, him* is the one who they insist is my father. My life has felt like a series of contradictions. Him* is a preacher, but used to work as a counselor. (I know right, how is someone who is so messed up himself going to effectively counsel anyone?) Having to deal with the constant badgering, cursing, arguing, mean-spiritedness, hurtful words, etc., was such a far cry from the shell of the man who faithfully stood in the pulpit each Sunday to delineate the many evils of secular living/worldliness.

I could never come to grips with how someone could say one thing publicly and do something altogether different in private. I'm not sure that I'll ever understand that type of thinking, because I believe in being honest and transparent. I can see why he behaved as he did though. I mean, if his private life was exposed to the people in the public life, he would be frowned upon. Who wants to say that their pastor/preacher emotionally abuses his family? If I could play a tape of some of the things that have gone on in the past, any reasonably objective person would ask whether he is really a preacher.

Quick story: (Don't I always have a quick story?) Besides being evil incarnate, him* has a passion for sports, mainly football. I was never that into football. I played as a youngster and even showed promise, but it was simply not my interest. Looking back I think a part of the reason I didn't want to play was to aggravate him. I so despised being in his presence and loathed anything he liked, that I made sure not to like anything that he did so as to limit out interaction. One day my two brothers and I (by the way, they're twins) were at a barbershop. My older sister had taken us, but it was close to time for her to go to work and we had not gotten our haircuts yet. She called him to ask him to come and get us. His reply? I'm watching football. I always knew he like football a lot. But come on, we're your offspring. Your seed. You would rather us look like woolly mammoths than miss a little bit of one measly football game? The realism is, his action-answer was yes. My sister had to call her job to tell them she would be late, so that we could get our hair cut and she could take us back home.

So you say, well that's not so bad. I thought this was going to be deep and emotional. As I said earlier, this is the start of a series of posts. By the way they may not all be in succession, but there will be a couple of posts on the topic. This particular story may seem trivial to some, but it speaks to the position to which the other members of the family were relegated: last place. It speaks to the selfishness that he has. I need to add selfishness to my list of dislikes.