Coach Carter

I got up early and put on a nice outfit because on that day we were going to be having an assembly at school. Someone had arranged for out students to meet the real Coach Carter. When the students found out about it, some of them thought that Samuel L. Jackson was coming. I had to remind them that movies are not real and the people playing in the movies are just actors.

For some reason I had to go by the ATM this particular morning. I don't remember the reason why now. After I got some $$$ I continued up the same road the ATM was on, which is not my normal route. It was raining but not too hard. An officer came up behind me and got closer to my bumper than necessary. I knew then that he was running my tag to find out who I was. Driving while black is a mutha. He stops me. I pull over and he comes up to tell me that my tag is expired. I tell him that I think he is incorrect because I had already paid the taxes on my car.

Where I'm originally from (Georgia) when you pay the taxes you get a new decal. I did not realize in NC that you pay taxes and a separate decal fee. Ignorance of the law, however, is no excuse. He finds out that I also had a revoked license. I knew my license was revoked but I just hadn't found the time to handle the paperwork associated with getting it reinstated. It got revoked because I had gotten a ticket earlier. I paid the fine but did not send the receipt back to Georgia, where I was still maintaining a license at the time, even though I was living in NC.

He tells me to get out of the car so that he can arrest me for driving with a revoked license and having an expired tag. I am disappointed but not shocked. I knew I was getting arrested as soon as he pulled me over. I get out of the car and he puts the handcuff on while other cars speed by me on their way to wherever. I tell him that I'm sick and I don't need to be in the rain. He says he'll try to make it quick. He checks my pockets and inquires about the contents. I had some flash drives/jump drives/thumb drives (I've heard so many names for them) in my pocket. He asked what they were. I told him, but he seemed like he wasn't sure about my response. He asked where I worked. I told him I worked for the county. I was certainly not going to reveal to him that I worked for the school system so that he could try to make this a bigger deal than it was.

At some point he led me to his cruiser and had me sit down and told me he was going to search my vehicle. All I could think about was this white cop was going to plant some drugs in my car (Jaguar) to try to get a promotion on the force or something. Maybe I overanalyze but that's all I could think about. Plus if he did plant the drugs how would I convince anyone that the drugs weren't mine? He didn't find any drugs but he came back with a knife that I had in the armrest. He told me that I was carrying a concealed weapon, but that he would not add that to the charge. Somewhere in the midst of all that was going on he called another officer for backup. Mind you I'm 5'6" 152 lbs. Why the fuck did he need backup? Plus I was sick and I thought I was fly(see paragraph one).

They towed the car to some tow place way far away from where I live. I rode in the car to the local jail downtown. I told the officer while I was in the car that the cuffs were too tight. He told me that he knew what they felt like because they have to wear them as a part of their training. I'm thinking if you know mutha*#2&#@! take them off me. When we got to the garage under the jail we had to wait in the car because they were filming a commercail in the jail. The officer joked saying that I could be on tv. He asked me if I wanted to be in the commercial. I very curtly replied no and I told him I didn't think it was funny. He got out of the car after a while and led me inside. I had to sit on a bench and he handcuffed me to a bar that was on the back of the bench like I was a member of a cow herd. I told him that I did not want to be cuffed to the bar. He said his sargeant would get him if he didn't. I asked him if his sargeant had plans to come by here at 7:45 on a Tuesday morning. He didn't respond. I continued trying to pressure him to not cuff me. I asked him if he had checked out my shoes. I then followed up with do you think I'm going to run and scuff up my shoes? He still cuffed me to the bar anyway.

He started doing the paperwork and I was given a chance to contact a bailbondsman. I called a bondsman, but I still had to go upstairs to be booked and fingerprinted. After I was processed they made me answer a million questions and put me in a holding cell. I was in the cell for at least 2 hours. It only had a bench and a toilet sink thing that was all in one hooked together. Finally they released me when my bailbondsman arrived. I got my belongings and called someone from work to come and get me.

Luckily for me things at work were okay because we were having the assembly that day. If we weren't I would have had to call and tell them I couldn't make it for whatever reason. I really think all this happened because a white cop saw a young handsome black male driving what he thinks is an expensive ride.

VIP

So yesterday I headed down to Charlotte to hang out with my friend Tonya. (I can't remember the fake name I used so I'll just use the real one. Makes life easier.) She's down there on business for about two weeks. She called me about 8:30 a.m. Saturday morning to see if I wanted to come down. I was feeling kinda sick so I told her I would let her know. As a matter of fact I was supposed to hang out Friday night with some peeps but I let my boy know that I was having the runny nose/fever/cough/need-to-head-this-off-before-it-gets-worse thing going on. I ended up just staying in Friday night taking some Sudafed and drinking some lemon tea.

Let me do a short thing on lemon tea. Every time I get sick this is what I use to open my sinuses and to help break up the phlegm that needs to come up so that you can get better. All you need to do is roll some lemons and squeeze the juice in some water. Put the squeezed lemon halves in the water too and boil it on the stove. Add a teaspoon of sugar of Karo syrup--I guess you could actually use the sweetener of your choice but only use about a teaspoon just to take the edge off. (Ending two sentences with prepositions--JayBee you MUST be sick! Look back up at the bold words.)

Anyway after I got my haircut I and threw some stuff in a bag I headed down to Charlotte to hang. When I arrived I went to her hotel. I was not pleased. The hotel is called The Blake. It looks like an old LaQuinta Inn that the new owners have not yet gotten around to renovating. The plan was for me to crash there for the night, but once I arrived I made a quick decision to stay at the Omni. We left the hotel to grab a bite to eat. If you're ever in Charlotte you must try one of her most famous dives called Price's Chicken Coop. The locals affectionately refer to it as the "Chicken Coot". From there we headed to South Park mall. As we were leaving the mall we heard music wafting through the air and decided to investigate. They were having a jazz in the park type festival on the back side of the mall on a grassy knoll. The parking was kinda hectic so I decided to go to the VIP parking area. The attendant asked if we had the appropriate pass. I told him that I did not, but that I wished to park in the area anyway. He paused and then he relented. He told me what space to take and basically to act like I was supposed to be there. Tonya and I said that he must not know who we were because that would be a small feat.

We stayed for about 15 minutes because of the impromptu nature of this deviation from our plan less day. Everyone else had blankets, coolers, buckets of KFC, lawn chairs, etc. When we got back downtown we parked and decided to walk. Some stranger on the street asked me if I had change for one million dollars. I was in disbelief. I almost came to tears because he said it with such conviction. We decided to go to Ruth's Chris for dinner. When we arrived the hostess asked if we had a reservation. I told her no. She said all that was available right now was the bar and the patio. My body language let her know that I didn't find that acceptable. She said she'd go ahead and seat us in the dining room after I motioned Tonya toward the door. When we go to our seats we panned the restaurant. TUMBLEWEEDS. There was hardly anyone there. I think of about 50 tables maybe three had guests seated at them. Who was she trying to fool like it was standing room only in that joint. I knew there was no one there when we got there because it was so quiet.

I dropped her off at her hotel and I checked into the mine. I showered and got dressed to go out. After checking out a couple of spots downtown we ended up at The Forum. While waiting in line I decided to find out how much it was for the VIP line. Dude said $20 and you still have to pay the $10 cover. I was straight on that cause the regular line wasn't that long. After about two minutes the dude called me over and told me that I couldn't go inside with my hat on and to hide it. So I did and he motioned for Tonya and let us in the VIP line for free. There probably about 15 people in front of us and I'm sure they were wondering who we were.

It was a mixed crowd so I was feeling that part. The music was kinda wack for most of the night, but the mixed crowd thing was definitely a plus. I get tired of waiting on the fight/shootout at all black clubs. There were some people about to get in a fight and of course they all looked like me. I just don't get it. I'm JayBee bitch! After we got tired of the wackness of the music we posted up outside and went down to another club. We could hear the music from outside and it was even worse! I was not kicking out any more dough for another wack DJ Fumblefingers. Our purpose wasn't to meet people. We just went to have a good time. Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure.


With shades.


Here I am with red eyes.


Tonya thought she was the stuff last night!


Have a great week! Oh and I didn't mention that we all but got cussed out on the job on Thursday, but that's a whole 'nother post. See ya.

While You Were Out

I'm reclining in my bed as I type this post. I got off the road a little while ago from the A. I don't know what it is but I absolutely positively love the A. Yesterday evening I had dinner with a former coworker and one of her homegirls. The homegirl was cute. She was a little light skinned shorty with a fatty with relatively small breasts. They were cute and perky though. I wasn't pressed, but I asked her if she was hitched and she let me know that indeed she had locked her down a dude. I was thinking to myself, "Did you lock him down or did he lock you down?" Anyway dinner was straight and the convo was light and friendly. For those of you familiar with Atlanta we ate at Strip. When we finished eating, we went upstairs to chill/people watch for a few before we parted ways. When I got back to my hotel I had a friend roll through so we could "chill." The evening ended pretty good. Good azz and banging head. The head was actually ahead of the game. Was that corny?

On the way back the man stopped me again and gave me a speeding ticket. I maintain that I get these tickets because I'm black. It has absolutely nothing to do with how fast they allege that I was driving. That's $180 that I can flush down the toilet.

Also last night Chris Brown was downstairs at the bar of the hotel and the night before Usher walked by me as I was trying to check into the hotel. (Actually I was on my way to the bathroom while the guy behind the desk was verifying my reservation and running my card for incidentals.) He was with a female. I presume it was the woman he married last weekend. I didn't get a really good look at her though. I did scan to see if anyone else appeared to be with them and it didn't look like he was with an entourage.

On the job front I was recently made chair of the leadership team. My principal came up to me Friday telling me all this stuff I needed to do. I was like I'll handle it next week. I am not doing anything at 2:30 on Friday afternoon when we get off work at 3:45. I actually left at about 2:45, but you know what I'm sayin'.

My mind just jumped back to the celebrities. Did I tell ya'll that I want to be someone's personal assistant? Not because I see myself as a flunkie, but because I just want to be able to get into all the premiers and travel and whatnot. If I get a decent offer ($75,000) I'll hand in my letter of resignation "with all deliberate speed".*

In other news I started a campaign to lose some weight back in July. I actually have hit the 150 goal mark. I think I want to continue to about 148 just to be safe. I'll keep a good check on my weight and whenever I reach 152, I'll kick it into high gear to lose those extra 2-4 pounds. Now I just need to build some muscle so that I can be sho nuff fine! I mean if I'm moving to the A, I got to look good because I'm sure there's much competition.

Meanwhile I loaned a friend a few bucks that he promised to return this past weekend. Of course I haven't heard from him and I'm not going to call him anytime soon. If it goes for another two weeks I'll probably give him a call and request the funds. Whether he return the money at that point or not, it is safe to say that his credit is damaged with me. The realism is if you cannot meet an obligation to which you have previously agreed, have the decency to pick up the phone and let the creditor (in this case me) know the situation. I am very forgiving. I mean, I wouldn't loan someone something that would have me in dire straits. By not giving me a call though to let me know what's going on, it makes me feel that you'd rather shirk your responsibilities than to man up and take care of your business.

*A prize goes to whoever can tell me what popularized that particular phrase.

Random Thoughts

1. I started a new routine since beginning work again. I go to exercise each morning at 5:30 for about an hour, then come home get dressed and go to work. So far so good, but this morning the enemy tried to make me lie in the bed and not go. Get thee behind me Satan!

2. My boss asked me the other day when I was going to call a leadership team meeting. Mind you has not yet talked to me about being leadership chairperson. She sent a message through someone else asking me if I'd be interested. After some debate in my mind I agreed to do it. I had to think about it because last year I told her that I'd be interested in doing it. She gave it to someone else. That person is now in another role and can't do it. I guess that's why she decided to ask me if I'd be interested. On one hand I was offended because I felt like she should have given it to me when I inquired about it. Maybe she didn't feel that I was ready at the time to handle the responsibility. What convinced me to say yes is that it will look good on my resume. Anyway, so she has yet to step to me to officially let me know that I am leadership chairperson. Then all of a sudden I'm asked when I'm going to call a meeting as if to imply that I'm slackin' on my pimpin'. Naw, we ain't havin' that. I told her let's sit down so that we can discuss expectations.

3. How do you strike that balance between not seeming pressed but at the same time indicating your interest? There's this girl (well, woman--we're all grown up now) in whom I'm interested. (I almost said "...girl who I'm interested in", but my obsessive compulsive grammar disorder (OCGD) wouldn't let me, which is weird because I will use colloquialisms like wanna, gonna, etc.)We used to talk back in college. She lives in the ATL. I live in NC. I wanna spark things back up, but I can't tell exactly where her head is. The last time I saw her (about 3 weeks ago) we just kinda talked and whatnot at her spot, but I couldn't talk talk with her because one of her absolutely annoying homegirls was at the spot. This homegirl said a couple of times, "I need to take my azz home," and things of that nature, but next thing I know she done grabbed a blanket and got comfortable on the couch. I was thinking to myself, "Please, please take yo azz home. I got business to handle." Ole girl was like a tree planted by the river--I shall not be moved. Yeah, but I gotta let her know that I'm interested, but at the same time I don’t want to seem like I've been pinning away after her for a couple of years, because that's not the case. Like the old saying goes, you don't know what you have until it's gone.

4. I get so pissed off when my windshield wipers don't work. For whatever reason they work at their own leisure. The crazy thing is I recently had the 60,000 mile service done to the car (okay, it was like three months ago) but still they should have caught that/fixed that issue. When I take it back in I will definitely make sure that they are aware of the problem.

5. Hardly being a tv watcher, I feel so out of the loop about the current gossip and happenings in the world. If I don't find out on the courttv website or something like that I just won't know.

6. I have one friend who calls me daily. I need a good way to say to her that I enjoy conversing with her, but I cannot be productive/get any rest if I'm on the phone for 2 hours at a time. Again, I really do enjoy our conversations, but I don't wish to be tied up for that length of time. Who has 2 hour conversations anymore? Since my grandmother died, that's a thing of the past.

7. Perception is reality for most people. Do people see you differently from how you see yourself? Case in point: A curriculum facilitator (former teacher, now she tells other people how great a teacher she was when she was in the classroom) at my school gave a presentation and when it was over pulled me to the side and asked me my opinion about how she did. I thought she did fine. I asked why she asked me of all the 30 individuals in the room. Her response was because I'm so critical. I really don't know a time when this woman has had opportunity to interact with me and make this assessment. Further I disagree with the assertion. Perhaps I should have requested proof in Whitney Houston-esque fashion ("Show me the receipts!") to substantiate her, in my humble opinion, unfounded claim.

Preachers Gone Wild

I guess it's time for me to weigh in on what has happened. In case you live in the back woods, renowned prophetess* Juanita Bynum was assaulted by her estranged husband. According to the reports that I have read she and her husband were having dinner at a restaurant near Hartsfield Jackson in Atlanta. (Well really it's in College Park, but you know what we're saying.) Somewhere along the way they had a discussion that apparently got kinda heated and outside the restaurant/hotel (not clear on which one) her husband, Bishop Thomas Weeks III (yes I put the whole government out there) hit choked, and stomped on her. The alleged assault continued until a bellman pulled him off her. Just a little more background. They got married in 2002 in a very lavish televised ceremony. He was already a bishop and she was already in heavy rotation in all the church markets (TBN/with Bishop Jakes/hosting her own empowerment conferences, one of her most famous ones is "No More Sheets").

Apparently a while back Weeks told his congregation that there was trouble in paradise and Juanita would be having a less active role in the ministry. Basically if she came to church she would be holding down a pew instead of preaching.

Several things come to mind about this situation. Is he jealous of her success? I would argue that she is leaps and bounds more popular than he is. I have heard a rumor that the reason that they were separated in the first place is that Juanita questioned some of the close relationships he has with some of the male members of the congregation. Did she call him a faggot and is that when he beat the sh*t out of her? Also, to stomp on someone is indicative of the passion with which you despise them.

At first he didn't turn himself in to the authorities. Now he has turned himself in, been released on bond and --get this-- has entered a NOT GUILTY plea. WTF? So let me get this straight, you jumped on her in a parking lot, and ole dude had to pull you off her and you want us to waste time and energy on a fuggin' not guilty plea? This negro better not use a self defense argument, lest I drive to Duluth and smack him myself.

I'm getting ready to make a confession. As I am a full participant of this capitalistic society I have already developed a plan to take this unfortunate set of circumstances and turn it into a huge money maker. You know how gullible and pliable church people are. I'm certain that my idea can work. I was even reading some stuff online where people were saying let's just pray for him and whatnot. They didn't feel like he needed to go to jail. He just needs prayer. Why can't we pray for him while he's in jail?

One thing that is significant for me is how people already have so much ought against preachers. For him to do this only reinforces some of the negative views that some people harbor. I can hear someone saying, "I might not go to church, but at least I don't beat my wife." On some levels they would be justified. How do you step to this person to convince them that church can make a difference for them? What people, particularly, those who wear the cloth have to be sensitive to is that they are being watched. If he causes droves of people to leave the church/terminate their active relationships with God, then their blood will be on his hands.

*prophetess: She's supposed to be able have information/potential events revealed to her by divine providence. She couldn't foresee that azz whoopin'?

Just One of them Days

I had one of them days today. I had to get some stuff straight for my job. I left home around 9 o'clock and pretty much ran around all day trying to get everything handled. I hate to say it but when you have to interface with black institutions, processes just don't seem to go smoothly. (This is your captain speaking....we are about to experience a run-on sentence. Please buckle your safety belts.) It's almost as if each office doesn't know exactly what the next office does and since they don't know and they might not even know what their office is supposed to do, everybody just shoos you from place to place with the hope that someone who actually knows what needs to be done will find you and guide you to the correct path.

Right now I have a slight headache. I don't know if it's the chaotic state that I found everything in today as I tried to handle my business, the heat or a combination of the two.

All day Saturday I hung with a friend of mine who I've talked about before--I don't remember the fake name I used so I'll just use her real name (Tonya). Tonya, a couple of her cousins and I went to this thing for Tonya's job. It's was one of those back-to-school-unite-the community-we'll-give-you-free-haircuts/supplies-if you-come-and-don't-show-out sort of things. Before we could leave Paul locked his keys in the car and they had to open it with a wire hanger. In the new world order with AAA, I was shocked that anyone still has wire hangers in the trunk in 2007. Am I just being bougie? (sp) Once they got in the car we came to my spot to pick up some stuff for the night and headed to Tonya's mom's house. That's the usual meeting spot for drinks/cards/dancing/cuttin' up. I actually didn't want to hang too long and I was ready to go around midnight. I didn't drive and Tonya didn't feel like taking me home so I just took her car so that I could crash. I was invited to stay but there would have been like 10 of us trying to stay in one three bedroom house. Not feeling that at all so I went on home. We had a decent time though. I can say that this is the first time we had one of those sessions and I left with the same amount of clothes that I arrived with. Typically I get into stripper mode and start entertaining the ladies....(Tonya, her cousin Dot, Tonya's mom and whomever else happens to be there for the show).

I was kinda reluctant to leave the ATL. I really like it there. I can't wait to move. The hotel I stayed in was fly and I had such a good time. The realism is that I spent way too much money and I have very little tangible stuff to show for it, but as one of my coworkers said, I have my memories. All except for V-8 that is.

V-8

I'm typically not always this forward but sometimes some things just need to be said. I had the worst sex that I've ever had last night. It was sooo bad. One of my idiosyncrasies is that I'm not really touchy feely, but in the bedroom I expect lots of touchy feely/affectionate bordering on dirty talk, petting panting etc. Well it didn't go down like that. I had not seen this girl in like months and months but I didn't really expect things to go any differently. She was almost lifeless and completely emotionless. I almost asked her why she even let me come through. I got up from the bed WITHOUT getting a nut and got in my car and drove back to my hotel.

Quick education: The difference between men and women is that when women have sex they may have an orgasm. However, when a man has sex he is guaranteed to have an orgasm. Let me restate-I walked away without getting my rocks off and drove home. I'm not going to bore you with any of the dialogue between she and I (I was bored and I was there) but I remember the ride home last night as extremely funny.

It was so bad that I almost don't want to have sex anymore until I get married. I'm not exaggerating. It was that bad! If you've seen Waiting to Exhale there's a scene when this dude is with Lela Rochan and he's pumping away and she's looking so uninvolved/blowed because ole dude thought he was beatin' it up. The director lets us hear her thoughts as he's pumping and grinding and whatnot and she thinks, "I coulda had a V-8." So that's my new nickname for her--V-8.

In other news I took some me time to relax. I'm in the ATL, which is where I plan to move next year. It's been quite enjoyable up until this point with the exception of V-8. I have never been more repulsed.

Prior to this I spent two weeks in the 'boro attending a workshop where I was subtly and not so subtly insulted. The purpose of the workshop as I understood it was to provide strategies to help increase test scores. What they actually did was treat us (about 70 math teachers at failing schools) like we didn't have degrees in math. The first day the dude "taught" us how to solve equations! That offended my sensibilities, but because they were giving us $4000 for it I was able to take it just like I planned to take them duckets!

Also my mother's husband got his other leg cut off the other day. I don't know if I mentioned on here about the right one getting cut off, but if I didn't just know that now they are both gone. You have to be careful how you treat people or bad things will happen to you.

The realism is that one of the biggest lies ever told is that sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt. For my biblical scholars we know that life and death are in the power of the tongue. If you can speak life or doom to a situation, how then can you not all the more say things that are a minimum hurtful? I mean life/death vs. hurting someone's feelings. I don't think that there is any comparison. I know this is kinda random but I needed to say that.