Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!

Remember the friend, and I use the term loosely, who I wrote about who tells these ridiculous lies? No? Okay, maybe not if you're new, but that just means it's time for you to do your homework. Dig in the archives. I was reading some stuff from last year (and I realized I missed my blogiversary) and I had my own self laughing. Some of the stuff made me mellow, but it allowed me to see where I was and where I am now.

Let's call this friend Angel. She went to Minnesota to stay with her boyfriend's family. To me that's pretty serious stuff. You're going 1000+ miles away from home to live with your significant other's folks for about two months in their house. Well while they were there she'd call me from time to time just to let me know how things were going and whatnot. Most of the time I'd ig her calls because if I'm not in the mood to hear a bunch of stuff that I don't find credible or relevant I just won't take your call. Sometimes if I know you're gonna tell me a bunch of lies and I'm not in the mood to hear a bunch of lying, that might get your call ignored as well. Hear me clearly. I like to be entertained, so many times I'll take the call just so I can see how many lies she's going to tell this time or see if I can get her to change/modify/enhance a story that she's already told me before. I know she's a chronic liar, but every now and then just to be JayBee I'll call her on a lie and watch her squirm and try to back peddle and use a conjuncting lie (just made that up) to try to make all the divergent stories converge.

At some point over the course of these two months or so she called me and told me her boyfriend, hereinafter Wayne, was being controlling and mean to her. She claimed he didn't want her going out during the day by herself. Mind you he had to work during the day along with his parents so basically that left her home alone with nothing to do. I guess she could watch t.v. and vacuum but how much of that can one person do before they are bored out of their mind? This went on for a while and on one of the calls she told me she went out during the day without his knowledge and he found out. Well that caused an argument that turned physical. Because of her noncompliance with his directive he told her from now on she'd stay in the basement while they were away at work. The basement locked at the top of the stairs so basically she was a prisoner in their home.

After the lockup she'd call me whispering telling me what was going on. Sometimes she'd abruptly hang up the phone and call back in a few minutes and say things like she thought she heard someone coming. I left this out. Somewhere in all this mess he told her she wasn't to talk on the phone while she was alone either so that's why she was whispering.

Here's what's wrong with the whole my-boyfriend-abused-me-and-locks-me-in-the-basement story. First of all, if someone has become physical with you and you choose to stay, there ain't no need of telling anyone about it. The persons with whom you share your story are going to look at you like you're crazy especially if that someone is me. I know the damaging affects of abuse. I can in nowise condone you staying in that situation waiting on it to happen again. I am a 99.8275% firm believer in the if it happened once it'll happen again thing. Maybe 0.1725% of the time there might be an exception.

There has already been a word coined in the English language that labels the concept of someone holding you somewhere against your will. It's called kidnapping. If you expect me to believe your story, keeping in mind that your credibility with me is zero, why the phuck are you calling me? I'm hundreds of miles away. Call the freaking police. They are the ones who are trained to deal with situations like this. Not me. I'm just a school teacher.

If Wayne has you locked up, why the hell did he just not take the phone out the basement? In that way he could ensure that you had no contact with the outside world. Unless he thought you were scared to death of him, why be so brazen as to risk you calling the police or your family or JayBee who could give a phuck less (if you've never heard that expression, it's worse than not giving a [whole] phuck; it's less than a phuck)?

Unless his parents are from Venus, I don't think they would condone their son locking you in a basement for nine hours a day. When he let you out of the dungeon, I'm thinking dinner time, you never once said anything to his peeps about what Wayne was doing to you everyday?

Of course not, Angel, because it was all a lie. And just like the other gross lie, (if you didn't click the link read the other story) it made absolutely no sense. There were too many holes and unanswered questions. It's actually kinda insulting when someone tells you a lie and hasn't taken the time to think through all the questions they might be asked so as to develop plausible answers. It's like oh, so you think I'm as stupid as you, huh? Surely you don't believe down in your tortured soul that I believe this crap. Let's say it was true and I'm totally off on thinking you're being untruthful. You should have called Ghostbusters. They're real too.

Fib

Shakespeare said a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. This is about whether something is a lie. I wrote fib. Remember when you couldn't say lie as a youngster?

Is there such a thing as a lie of omission? A colleague and I disagreed on the point. I said if you choose to leave something out, that’s not a lie. It is an omission but not a lie. To me telling a lie is an active thing. Failing to mention something is more passive. I concede that it might be deceitful, but it, in my opinion is not the same thing as willfully telling a lie. Basically, I had to do an interview about my supervisor. I said some things in the interview that could be considered a stretch. I didn’t tell any lies, but I certainly didn’t show my principal in a bad light either. Although there are things that I don’t agree with sometimes, I chose not to let that be the focus of the dialogue between the interviewer and I.

The interviewer is working on an advanced degree and needed to interview people on the qualities of an effective principal. Anyway, like I said I just chose to focus on the positives. Think of it as journalistic spin. However, my colleague maintained that in not telling about the negatives, which I really don’t have a whole lot of problems with my supervisor, that I was lying. What upset me most is that I absolutely do not like anyone attacking my character. Your good name is all that you have. Plus another one of my mantras is, “If I can’t believe everything you say, then I can’t believe nothing you say.” I truly believe that. What bothered me most is in knowing that I believe the aforementioned, then that gives her cause to disbelieve anything else that comes out of my mouth. It’s not so much that I need her validation. As a matter of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s just that for many people perception becomes reality, hence the phrase perception is reality. I don’t want her or anyone else’s perception of me to change. I absolutely cannot be associated with lying. I’m a lot of things; a liar is not one of them.

Merriam-Webster defines a lie as: a: an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker to be untrue with intent to deceive b: an untrue or inaccurate statement that may or may not be believed true by the speaker

Based on the definition, failing to include information is not a lie. It is, as I have admitted deceitful. Merriam-Webster defines deceit as: to cause to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid.

Some people may argue that this is semantics. There is however, I think, a difference between a not revealing everything or holding something back and telling an out and out lie. Plus I had a vested interest in doing what I did. It is not appropriate to tell bad stuff about your supervisor. I’m the type of person that I like to handle things in house. So, if I have a problem with you, I’ll step to you and let you know so that we can work it out. More likely than not, I would never put you on blast in front of “company.”

Thoughts?

Is That Your Version?

I had a run in with a lady on my job. She told a student that because she missed a day of school that she didn't have to take my test (emphasis on my). Of course this is not SOP so I stepped to her and let her know that. I don't think she really understood the seriousness of what she did so I drafted a letter to her to let her know.

October 22, 2007 Dear Ms. K, I decided to follow up our verbal conversation on Friday, October 19, 2007, with a letter. If my tone came across as mean-spirited let me offer an apology. However, let me hasten to say that I do not apologize for the substance of the message that was delivered to you. As educators, we have to be mindful of students’ attempts to circumvent authority and accountability. Keisha’s intention was to use the absence to negate having to take the test. The insinuation here is that one day’s absence compromised an entire unit of study and that students bear no responsibility for material covered in absentia. She was fully capable of attempting the test. Furthermore, any student that performs poorly on any test that I administer is re-taught and allowed an opportunity to retest. This is a policy that applies in my classroom and is availed to all students. Keisha is also fully aware of this policy. It was with this advanced knowledge that Keisha approached you to conspire against my classroom. I am deeply offended that you would overstep your authority, advise Keisha that she did not have to take the test and that this message was conveyed by a child. Minimally, if you had a concern about the information you had received from Keisha, professional courtesy dictates that I be given an opportunity to speak on the matter prior to your taking a course of action based solely on one-sided information. I have an obligation to the state of North Carolina to ensure that Keisha is successful on the geometry end of course test. As a matter of fact, ensuring students’ success on the end of course test is a major responsibility of my job and as such has a primacy for me. To be clear, I do not owe you an explanation about the curricular decisions that I make in my classroom so long as I make provisions for the modifications that Keisha is afforded. Please understand that when I do make a decision it is not to harm students, but to help them and to help me get a better idea about what I can do to help them reach and demonstrate mastery. There should be no confusion about what students are expected to do. It is unfortunate that the student made a poor choice in this case, but I cannot blame her for her poor decision, since she felt justified, having acted at your behest. If the student dialogues with her guardians about how I told her to do one thing and you told her to do something to the contrary, that may raise the ire of the guardians who are not privy to all the details of the situation. In turn, they may come to the school to conference about this situation. Honestly, they would have a valid reason for doing so. When a child makes claims about receiving mixed messages, it is a parent’s right to conference with the involved parties in an attempt to sort out the matter. I hope that you are prepared to field any questions that might arise as a result of this situation. It is not my desire to conference about this matter, but if the parents request it, I will comply. I will be careful with the language that I use as well, so as not to make it seem as if there exists an antagonistic relationship between you and I. I will do this because I believe that as colleagues we need to be on one accord and display a unified front to both parents and students. I am aware of the many ways that students try to manipulate adults. In this case, Keisha’s behavior, with your assistance, severely compromised her learning. Perhaps the bidirectional message is what is most egregious about this situation. In essence, with your telling the student one thing and me telling her another, my actions were misinterpreted as me trying to impose an undue hardship on the student. To the contrary, I know that brain-based learning suggests that students are more likely to retain information in their long-term memory with repeated exposure. An enormous gap exists between what a teacher explains and what a learner understands. To reduce this gap, teachers need to engage students for deeper understanding and feedback with implicit and explicit learning strategies. If you don’t know what they didn’t get, how can you elaborate effectively? Making corrections as we go along is a critical approach for teaching with the brain in mind. (Jensen, 2000, p. 35) As you can see, my policies are in full keeping with best professional practices. I do not apologize for having high expectations for my students, as I am critically aware of what is necessary for them to be successful in this course and in life. Moreover, when it appears that we, as colleagues, are divided in our approach to handling student affairs, the involved student suffers. In this case Keisha compromised a beneficial learning opportunity. This situation is indicative of what occurs when educators do not grant each other the professional respect and courtesy that is necessary for the school to work harmoniously. Nevertheless, in an effort to foster greater communication about Keisha’s progress I will make available a copy of her latest progress report to you. In addition I am enclosing a copy of the course outline so that you can peruse it and familiarize yourself with the content therein, including the established policies and procedures for my classroom. If you need clarity about the content of the documents that I am sending, please contact me. Respectfully submitted, James Bailey Enclosures cc: The principal Assistant principal (primary evaluator)

After the letter was submitted the assistant principal stepped to me to let me know that I had her full support. Then Ms. K gets someone else involved and spins the story. Supposedly the girl was ill in class on the day of the test and that's why she didn't want to take it. I asked Ms. M who brought me this information why Ms. K dind't communicate that to me when we had our verbal conversation and how come she didn't say anything to me after I gave her the letter. Of course Ms. M couldn't answer for Ms. K but I made it clear that this sounds like journalistic spin to me-- you know how they say that Gore is president, but then recant when that's not the angle that they were going for.

In other news things are pretty much okay. I got word that I would be receiving a bonus in my upcoming paycheck. Yay! I have an assignment due for class this Tuesday that was really due last Tuesday but SHE showed up again. The realism is that I should be doing my assignment now, instead of messing with this blog. Let me hop to it.